Apostolic Friends Forum - Like Renda, I'm Feeling The Pressure Too ...

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Like Renda, I'm Feeling The Pressure Too ...

(I think that's what she titled her thread when she said she was going back to school.) :blush

Anyway ...

My 20 year career in the car business has ended.

I left voluntarily. My leaving was not forced nor economy-related, though selling even a quality product like Toyota was getting tougher; making my life change that much more opportune.

I guess I feel fortunate that I'm leaving and not a drug addict, an alcoholic or penniless because of throwing money away on women and carousing. No, not every veteran car salesman meets that end but enough do to make note of.

They were sorry to see me go when I left so I suppose that's another thing to be thankful for.

Nobody goes to college to become a career car salesman. I drifted into the car business 20 years ago to pay off some extra bills and then it became my career. I spent most of it in management.

My hat is off to the man who goes to work every day at a job he doesn't particularly like - many of us do.

I regretted every day of my adult life that I did not go to an accredited university and get a REAL degree. I succeeded in a gregarious, people-oriented profession when I longed to make a living with my true nature and passion - scholarly pursuits. I'd be immensely happy on a deserted island if I had my library with me.

I figured at age 51, after seeing two wonderful children through growing up and onto college that my dreams had done what the playwright said dreams that are deferred do: shrivel up like A Raisin In The Sun.

My eyes were opened when my kids started college as to how much financial aid was out there; especially for a "non-traditional" student like me. But hey, I like to have things planned out - and you just don't change careers to chase what some would call a silly dream. I figured I'd sit at my desk in the dealership every day until I retired and quietly live with my regrets.

But I'd feel the constant tug in my guts and heart of what Andy Dufresne said in "Shawshank Redemption" - get busy living ... or get busy dying. I suppose that's good advice for a 51 year old man.

Starting this summer, I will be a full-time student at Louisiana State University at Alexandria, majoring in History and minoring in Political Science - and I ain't stopping until I get my PhD.

I hope to finish my undergraduate studies in no more than three years by going to school in the summer and then I'll be walking those hills and around those lakes at LSU in Baton Rouge. I'm about to burst at the thought. I'd even be thrilled doing graduate school at Louisiana-Lafayette.

See, I'd always had to have things lined out to a T and planned years ahead. That's not always possible when you're pursuing a dream. Now, that doesn't mean being stupid either. My son Brent is a sophomore at LSUA. He works and brings home a decent check so between us, we can live pretty much like we have been. When he gets his degree in a couple years, I'll live in a dormitory and stack boxes at WalMart if I have to.

I can't describe the feeling at 51 years of age to be chasing a dream at all costs. I feel alive again; like a teenager again with my entire life ahead of me. Yeah, I know I don't have all THAT much time left but it is true - it is not how long you live, but for what you live that counts. Heck, I may decide after I get my bachelor's to go to law school but one way or the other,about seven years from now, I WILL be wearing that hooded academic gown with the belled sleeves and three chevrons that signifies: "Doctor."

I'll need some extracirricular activites to get into graduate school. Nah, I don't think I'll try out for the baseball team, but LSUA has a pretty good debate team that's tussled with LSU and Tulane. I wonder if they need an old coot with a bit of debating experience? Man, I can see myself locking horns in the debate platform with some kid from Harvard; giving as well as I'm getting and maybe a little better.

Yes, I'm realistic enough to know at my age I probably don't have the time to become head of the Military History Department at West Point or an Appeals Court Judge - but don't count me out.

All I know is I feel like Tom Hanks's character in "Saving Private Ryan" when, in the opening scene at Omaha Beach, he and his men were pinned down by a German machine gun nest. They could have just sat there pinned but then Tom Hanks hollered: "Okay, let's get in this war!" And they began the work of clearing out the machine gun nest and opening the draw yard by bloody yard.

I could spend the rest of my life complaining and moaning that I didn't go to an accredited college and die bitter and unfulfilled. I realize there are obstacles ahead and it won't come easy though reading, writing and breathing history has been what I have lived for and what has been my greatest joy.

Regardless, I'm NOT going to sit here the rest of my life behind a desk selling cars wondering what might have been. I'm going to get into this war.

I feel like Red in Shawshank Redemption, probably my single favorite movie character of all time. He said:

"I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still, or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey who's conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope ..."

I hope I can hold up physically to make it all the way to my PhD ...

I hope I can have a fulfilling career in the time I have left ...

I hope my future career is as exciting and wonderful as it has been in my dreams ...

I hope ...

http://www2.bc.edu/~yanno/Shawshank%20Redemption.jpg