I can't stand someone!!!
 

Have you ever met someone that you just cannot stand? A total personality conflict? There is a new couple who moved from another church and are attending our church now. My husband and I can't stand them? LOL! I can't stand this woman!

I feel terrible because I'm supposed to always care about people - look past the ugly and see why they are hurting or acting the way they do. It's just that I'm having a really hard time with this one. I don't want to gossip about details - just the subject of not liking a person's personality - everything about them! LOL!

I know I need to pray and have been - Lord, bless her, heal her heart..........but when I see her - my prayers seem to be out of the window.

Hoping at some point I can break through that and end up friends, but it's just not looking good.

So, advice or a sharing of similar experience would be nice. I really am trying, honestly........

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

LOL! YES! I Certainly know exactly what you are talking about.

As i read this, a certain person popped into my mind! I know exactly what that feels like.

intererstingly enought, I am preaching tonight on the subject of "Looking past the person"

How funny is that?

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

What I find is that, generally, when I can't stand someone, either they remind me of a bad trait in myself, or they have a bad trait that I don't know how to deal with. I try to find what it is about them that is bothering me (besides, she is such a witch! :ursofunny) and try to figure out what my shortcoming is. At the same time, I do not use my shortcoming (which may be small compared to theirs.....or not) to beat myself over the head and say I should like them more. It could be they are just a pretty rotton person. But, I can learn something from everybody, even if it is about what I could change about me. And then, I try to be nice. :)

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Well, preach to me then!!! When I am in the same room with her it's like nails on a chalkboard!!!! I need help! LOL

This is serious, I'm thinking - Okay, you will see her tonight - do not drink any caffeine after noon so you will make sure you are thinking clearly and are calm! Do not read anything stressful before church - no news! Do not elevate your blood pressure in any way! LOL!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

This is so true and something that I generally always practice - see if the thing you don't like in them is a trait of yours as well.

It would get into gossip if I lined out some things I don't like, so I'll read what everyone has to say and keep the details to myself.

Good post, ILG!!!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Freak her out and give her a small gift - - maybe a candle you've made.

Prehaps, the way she acts toward you is because she doesn't understand you or feels threatened by you?

Given a gift might break the barrier.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Good idea, but I'm not there yet. I'd feel like a hypocrite. If I gave her a gift, I'd have to be sincerely sincere. That isn't happening this week. LOL! Pray for me!

I do agree with you, in that, I also believe she feels threatened by me. I think as time goes by and she sees that I am NOT competing with her, she will eventually calm down.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

PO, one thing you are is honest & I don't mean that in a bad way!:thumbsup

I have met a few over the course of my 26 years of living for God that I called my "Grace Builders" (I am sure I am a "Grace Builder) to someone) & it isn't easy.

Faith is not feeling & Love, God's love, is a choice.
Ever had everything go wrong & then try to be thankful for it?
It goes against our human nature.
My nature says, "I like you, if you like me." "You can't stand me, well, then go fly a kite, I can't help it if you have poor taste!":thumbsup

Jesus loved everyone & I am sure they were not all like the Apostle John who was I believe a little easier to love.
We have to make a choice to be nice, to love, to serve, to be kind!
Prayer, & sheer will power can help us to achieve this.
When I had someone I did not particularly care for, I would try to find ways to be nice, to be kind, to serve, to love that person.
If you act that way toward them it won't be long before your feelings follow.

Honestly praying for them will help as well.
It is hard to pray for someone for God to bless them & harbour ill feelings at the same time!

Sorry, I am rambling!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I think that is the whole reason!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Thanks for the kind compliment, Ron! I am trying my best to be an honest Christian.

This is a good post and I think I need to pray a little more. Truthfully, when I read the part where you said, "If you act that way toward them it won't be long before your feelings follow" - I cringed! Lord, help me!! I'm miles away from where I need to be on this one!

Don't you love the times when you are in a prayer meeting or during the song service and His Spirit just melts your heart and everything in the whole world is all right again?!!!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I agree and I think through time we will work this out.

I've also observed people who have spent years in the medical industry are a bit more aggressive and a part of them seems to become a little unfeeling. That's just my observation. Perhaps others have seen a different side or have a different view.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I just joined the choir at my new church-- I used to be a member of it before a long time ago. But the brother I sat next to in practice-- I think I made him uncomfortable. SO I was uncomfortable and was paralyzed by that discomfort because all I really wanted was to make friends with the lady on my left and the dude on my right.


I felt so awkward, so out of place-- I think I get on this guy's nerves!
He and his family are newer to the church than I am.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

fake it till you make it.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Amen! More of Jesus & less of me!
Also, if everyone was honest, all of us struggle with this at one time or another!

I often find myself falling far short of the mark when I compare my character to Jesus!
I am like Paul, "I press toward the mark...." Sound familiar?:thumbsup

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Lord, it's so hard for me to do this. It's like being a liar, so I just do the avoidance thing. LOL! I can't separate the fake thing and the liar thing in my mind. I've never been able to do that.

I need help!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

C S Lewis says very similar things in his chapter on Love/charity in his book Mere Christianity. I'll try to type some of them out later, but I have to do some running around.

I was having a difficult time with my oldest son. He constantly liked to jab with words, words he knew would be hurtful but thinking he was being funny. It was bothering me so I went to pray and fast for him one day at the church by myself and while praying God allowed me to feel His love toward my son and WOW!! it changed my heart and the offense I felt was gone. Now the things my son does and says, I can look past and not be offended in the way I was before I sought the Lord. I don't like what he says at times but his words don't stick into me like they use to.

We need the love of God shed abroad in our hearts for EVERYONE.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Yes! "I press toward the mark...!"

"....if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus."

If I could get a hold of Him like He got a hold of me!!!

P.S. Could you change the "cat" to "act" in your above post? Bad typo! lol

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Do it because it will please God. Read Romans 12. And keep in remembrance that we are all the children of God and all part of the body of Christ. We are members one of another.

Hope that helps.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I'm sorry about this Jermyn! Since you just joined maybe this brother will settle down after he gets to know you. So many people are introverts, it's hard to reach out to them, fully, in the beginning. They have to feel less threatened or more comfortable. That may possibly happen if you have some function outside of church where many people tend to relax more.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

It is a lie when you are being fake toward people for your own image.

It is NOT a lie to "fake it" if the intention is that you are working on YOU, and you are doing your best to be like Christ.

Papa George used to say that if the truth would hurt someone, keep your mouth shut.

at least that is my personal veiw.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I don't think it will please God if I'm not sincere in the gift giving and I'm honestly not today. I'm working on it though and will report my victory at some point. If I'm nice and polite He will be pleased with me.

One time I stood beside her when she was praying at the altar and she walked off. She didn't want me to pray with her, so there is a little more of a conflicted story here. Not sure what it is about. I'll learn something though.

I will read Romans 12 this afternoon, Mizpeh! Thanks! :friend

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Ah, he had some good ones, didn't he?

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I never looked at it that way, Ferd. Okay, I can do this!!! :thumbsup

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I thought at first this thread was going to be about me! :heeheehee

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Well, although this is a great idea, you might make sure you are prepared for the interaction that it will cause.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Stop it!!!! :smack :toofunny

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

I take his instructions as if I am forced to have an exchange with her. She has a very defensive attitude at the beginning of any conversation and I generally don't talk to her much.

My struggle is that my husband teaches and whatever I do and how I act will affect any response he will get. It's like - why listen to you if you can't control your wife? LOL! So, I am seriously trying to be careful.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

It is possible that a quiet and indirect acceptance of her may work better than a "Hi, I will be your friend" approach. From what I read here, quiet and indirect may be better. You will have to decide.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

That's pretty much the direction I am taking with her. I'm not a "Hi! I want to be your friend" type person anyway. I normally don't allow people into my private space unless I feel they are a truly sincere person. That doesn't mean that I treat people outwardly different. It's an internal judgment call that I make. They will never know how I feel and I can maneuver the relationship where they feel like I care without allowing them into my life on a personal basis. Some people just don't need to be in your private space.

The main thing is that I just don't like being at odds in the church! It makes you feel dirty and ugly!! I hate that!!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Algae, I really like what you are saying! very sound stuff!

PO, I am right there with you. Working on ME is a hard thing! LOL! I live by a general rule. I dont like PEOPLE! which is a huge conflict for a minister.

I love individuals but "People" as a concept tend to be a problem for me. So working on me is often quite difficult where people are concerned.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

LOL!

Someone e-mailed me and said, "Maybe God is wanting to take some of the rough edges off of you." LOL! If He is, He's having a rough time of it! LOL!

That's the hard part - true - working on ourselves and having to look in the mirror and seeing a personality trait that needs to be fixed! You can only imagine that as Snow White looking in the mirror only to turn into the Wicked Step-mother. LOL!

You've reminded me of something a missionary once said, "Someone asked me how I liked Portugal. I said, 'I love it! It's the people I can't stand!"

:toofunny

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Hey! Thats a good line!

I think I'll use that with my youth group. :thumbsup

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

:toofunny :toofunny

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Oh my ! I soon will be new where we are moving. Lord HELP ME !!!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

They need all the help they can get. Well, my girls do anyway. The guys are fine but oh the drama with the girls. Hollywood soaps have nothing on my girls.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Where are you moving? Closer perhaps?
Would love to see you again.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

My husband has a few words about girls and women. I won't post it, but he's right! :toofunny

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Girl! Who would not like you?!!! You'll be fine. We have some friends coming to see us at the end of May who live in Alaska! Excited to see them! I'm sure he won't want to stick around the Texas coastal weather for long. LOL!

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

We're moving back to Texas. It would be nice to see you again too.
We do plan on visiting around after we get setled in.

Re: I can't stand someone!!!
 

Okay, Mizpeh! I'm going to start reading Romans 12. I hope you will all pray for me tonight. I really would like to see a change in both of us, but mainly in ME! If I can change, I will be all right! :sad