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-   -   Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear? (https://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/showthread.php?t=24992)

Kim Komando 07-08-2009 09:49 PM

Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Papabear said:
Quote:

final note before leaving for I have things to do.

I am thankful for a wife that is willing to live and submit to these ideals that her pastor and mother taught her. If she was unwilling to follow that in her own devotion, If I were to continue pastoring, I would be to some degree have to figure out a way to ... justify what she is unwilling to do.

I say that because I know some preachers have compromised ... not because they believed it different but sister was unwilling to obey the scripture and had been incited to doubt and refuse for whatever reason and brother pastor must find a loophole in scripture to support his/her disobedience and or compromise.

I recognize the human reality in all this. I believe and hope for the ideal. I believe when perfection ceases to be our goal, we will attain to much less than God intended for us.
Have you considered the flip side to your conspiracy theory, Pastor Phillips? I have no doubt that there are many women in the holiness movement that have deep convictions and are well-rooted in their beliefs that a woman must wear ankle high dresses, wear uncut hair and not wear any cosmetics.

Yet, from my experience I have seen some of the fiercest, pugnacious female defenders of holiness standards not have a clue theologically about why they do what they do yet can mercilessly tear down anyone who does not as much look the way they do.

Often, these women will remark that they are submissive to their husbands - and that's why they do what they do. And often times I find their husbands to be extremely domineering and because they are concerned what their peers will think they argue incessantly, and maybe even abusively, with their wives if they as much as wear blush or have a slit in their skirt.

Or perhaps it can be a spiritually abusive pastor who takes this role? Or maybe the result of repetitious, dogmatic teaching that seeks to cause unhealthy amounts of guilt and shame? Or maybe it's theological illiteracy coupled with the innate human desire to belong?

And so maybe, Papabear, what we often mistake as willing submission is what some describe as Stockholm Syndrome. SS is described by Wiki as follows:
Quote:

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in abducted hostages, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger or risk in which they have been placed. The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg in Stockholm, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal.
You may remember the Patty Hearst story?

You know - the millionaire heiress Patty Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army. After two months in captivity, she actively took part in a robbery they were orchestrating. Her unsuccessful legal defense was that she suffered from Stockholm syndrome and was coerced into aiding the SLA. She was convicted and imprisoned for her actions in the robbery, though her sentence was commuted in February 1979 by President Jimmy Carter, and she received a Presidential pardon from Bill Clinton.

You see Papabear, group dynamics can be very powerful and often when a person cannot beat them, they join them. It's a defense mechanism called identification.

The defense mechanism identification is described as:

Quote:

The unconscious modeling of one's self upon another person. One may also identify with values and attitudes of a group. Examples: (1) without being aware that he is copying his teacher, a resident physician assumes a similar mode of dress and manner with patients. (2) a school girl wants her mother to buy her the same kind of shoes her classmates are wearing; she angrily rejects the idea that she is trying to be like the other girls and insists that the shoes are truly the best available and are the style she has always wanted. Conscious analogs of identification are intentional imitation of others and volitional efforts to conform to a group
So, maybe. Just maybe? It's Stockholm Syndrome that we misinterpret in some Apostolic women as zeal for Holiness?

According to the psychoanalytic view of the syndrome, the tendency might well be the result of employing the strategy evolved by newborn babies to form an emotional attachment to the nearest powerful adult in order to maximize the probability that this adult will enable — at the very least — the survival of the child, if not also prove to be a good parental figure. This syndrome is considered a prime example for the defense mechanism of identification (Wiki)

http://www.geocities.com/spootnek/Ei...attyHearst.jpg

Praxeas 07-08-2009 09:53 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Is Patty Hurst wearing a skirt?

MrMasterMind 07-08-2009 09:54 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Praxeas (Post 769846)
Is Patty Hurst wearing a skirt?

and long hair

mizpeh 07-08-2009 09:58 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
But where is the joy of the Lord?

MrMasterMind 07-08-2009 10:07 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mizpeh (Post 769853)
But where is the joy of the Lord?

She is sad because she knows one mistake, one broken standard, and its lake of fire. Why? "Because pastor says so", and "that's the way we have always done it."

:shockamoo

RandyWayne 07-08-2009 10:11 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

I am thankful for a wife that is willing to live and submit to these ideals that her pastor and mother taught her. If she was unwilling to follow that in her own devotion, If I were to continue pastoring, I would be to some degree have to figure out a way to ... justify what she is unwilling to do.
When I read this line in the other thread, my first thought was "what if the pastors and husband have differing views?". Granted, that is an alien thought when it comes to many UC's, but still, it is scary to think of a husband "giving" his wife to his pastor. Natgeo did a couple of exposes on this sort of behavior when investigating "Michael" in New Mexico. I forget the name of the group. But the first show dwelved into their cult and Michaels prophecies (and how he claimed other members wifes as a sign of submission). The 2nd episode delt with his trial on molestation charges.

Papabear 07-08-2009 10:20 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
I have much I could say... but I will not.

Kim Komando 07-08-2009 10:24 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Papabear (Post 769875)
I have much I could say... but I will not.

Indulge us. This would make for great discussion on one of your 10 "Save the Apostolic Movement from My Fellow Card Holding False Prophets" Facebook groups - Would it not?

mizpeh 07-08-2009 10:26 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kim Komando (Post 769878)
Indulge us. This would make for great discussion one of your 10 "Save the Apostolic Movement from My Fellow Card Holding False Prophets" Facebook groups - Would it not?

You remind me of someone who use to post here.

OnTheFritz 07-08-2009 10:42 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Papabear (Post 769875)
I have much I could say... but I will not.

Does it happen to involve some of these women posters being out of line and not knowing their place...? :thumbsup

Ladies - did you check with your husbands before you posted here tonight???

:gotcha

Kim Komando 07-08-2009 10:51 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
By the way, Scott -

My name is KIM KOMANDO
and I approve of this message.
:kiss

oletime 07-09-2009 04:26 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Praxeas (Post 769846)
Is Patty Hurst wearing a skirt?

and i think she had a slit too! its the little foxes....

Hoovie 07-09-2009 05:59 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Reading this and thinking about my own wife... I have not been domineering as a husband regarding her dress (she is more conservative than I) Pastor has not dictated anything beyond her custom - she is perhaps a bit more conservative than pastor and others...

However, the identification thing is likely true. Everyone wants to belong, no matter who you are and what you are a part of.

I would suggest one reason ladies and some men are drawn to a conservative lifestyle which includes dress, is the lack of fruit they see in other groups. Placing restraint on ones life can be very rewarding if not done by a hierarchy, or done to gain favor with God. Quite often if one "frees" themselves from various disciplines they go further then they expected. This is true for many EXers.

Also the UPC identity and family kinship is very strong. I know a number that have left conservative circles to embrace what they saw as less restrictive - yet they speak openly of missing the social aspect of a fellowship such as the UPC.

Kim Komando 07-09-2009 08:24 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
I agree Stephen. Again my post stated that this may be a reason for some - especially those in oppressive situations and even among those who are simply "followers" by nature. The element of group dynamics is very strong wherever people gather and want to be a part of the "in crowd"- whatever the flavor. A lot of this happens on a subconscious level, while some of it learned through conditioning, and it's always interesting to see how our defense mechanisms are put into action when we feel we are being "attacked".

The point is that often what we see as fervor, zeal and genuine heart-felt desire, or "being of fire for Jesus" may not necessarily 100% personal choice or self-generated, or the Spirit of God. We are very much social beings.

*AQuietPlace* 07-09-2009 08:47 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Group dynamics are indeed very, very strong.

RandyWayne 07-09-2009 11:41 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover (Post 769914)
Reading this and thinking about my own wife... I have not been domineering as a husband regarding her dress (she is more conservative than I) Pastor has not dictated anything beyond her custom - she is perhaps a bit more conservative than pastor and others...

However, the identification thing is likely true. Everyone wants to belong, no matter who you are and what you are a part of.

I would suggest one reason ladies and some men are drawn to a conservative lifestyle which includes dress, is the lack of fruit they see in other groups. Placing restraint on ones life can be very rewarding if not done by a hierarchy, or done to gain favor with God. Quite often if one "frees" themselves from various disciplines they go further then they expected. This is true for many EXers.

Also the UPC identity and family kinship is very strong. I know a number that have left conservative circles to embrace what they saw as less restrictive - yet they speak openly of missing the social aspect of a fellowship such as the UPC.

Stephen, you mean you don't come storming into the house daily screaming "Wife! Where's my lunch! Where's my dinner! Attend to me NOW!"?

:ursofunny

rgcraig 07-09-2009 11:43 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne (Post 770092)
Stephen, you mean you don't come storming into the house daily screaming "Wife! Where's my lunch! Where's my dinner! Attend to me NOW!"?

:ursofunny

He did on the show! :ursofunny

RandyWayne 07-09-2009 11:51 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig (Post 770096)
He did on the show! :ursofunny

I just assumed (Felix Unger not withstanding) that they edited the offending scenes out.

Hoovie 07-09-2009 04:45 PM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
LOL! I only asked her to bake some pies... It was not my choice to keep her in the dark about visitors until the last minute - It was my choice to ask her to bake pies (Kristin would have done the same without me asking) two hrs before they got there. Hey, they were pretty good!

What a deal. All my friends at church said, "Hey! Whats the deal? We know you cook!"

The editors cut the part where I said I actually love cooking - but because of time constraints I rarely do anymore - us now being a one income family. Well, sort of. My wife is employed part-time in our home-based office.

BTW Hoover/Meeks Wife Swap aired again at the same time as MJ memorial service.

On The Wheel 07-10-2009 12:04 AM

Re: Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome, Papabear?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MrMasterMind (Post 769861)
She is sad because she knows one mistake, one broken standard, and its lake of fire. Why? "Because pastor says so", and "that's the way we have always done it."

:shockamoo

:ursofunny


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