What would YOU do?
 

I can't even imagine! Did you you see this on the news?
A couple in Sylvania, Ohio (the next town over from me) are pregnant with a baby conceived invitro. But it is NOT their baby. They thought it was. But then received a call from the clinic telling them otherwise............

http://toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll...WS16/909220358

How in the world could you decide how to handle this??? If you've carried this child for 9 months, you have to have an attachment to him. But still, he's not yours. So what do you do???

What would YOU do??

Re: What would YOU do?
 

OMW, that is hard to think about. Bless their hearts.

Re: What would YOU do?
 

Cindy, I'm betting that they had to think long and hard about it. :(

Re: What would YOU do?
 

I think I would give the baby up. For me, even though I bond with the baby I'm carrying, it's nothing like the bonding that happens after the birth. I would just adjust my mind to the fact that this was not my baby, and I'd give it to the proper parents.

Re: What would YOU do?
 

I for one would not consider in vitro fertilization.

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I think it's great that they are giving the baby to the other couple. But, I imagine it is very difficult, shows a lot of love.

Re: What would YOU do?
 

that's an interesting perspective, AQP. Having never given birth, I honestly don't know how much a woman bonds with the baby while it is still inside. I do know that in both cases with our boys, the second I laid eyes on them I was filled with a love that is deeper than any I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams. I would have laid down my life for either one of them two seconds after I met them. On the other hand, we interviewed for several other children while in the process of adopting. In none of those cases did I feel that INSTANT bond in the same way that I did with both Justin and Keith. And the thing is the bond was there even before we were told that we were the parents who had been chosen for them.

I've often wondered tho, how much women bond with their babies BEFORE they are born? Or is it mostly after they come into the world?

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I bond enough while pregnant that I would be broken-hearted to lose a child due to miscarriage or stillbirth.... but it's still nothing like it is when the child is laid in my arms.

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You definitely love your child and feel protective of them while they are in the womb, but the love grows to impossible depths after they are born.

Re: What would YOU do?
 

so I'm wondering, Kristian's Mom, what would you have done in these people shoes?

There is no wrong answer here, by the way. Cuz I have NO idea what I would have done.

Would it have made a difference if the baby you were carrying was going to be your FIRST child instead of your fourth??

We did one invitro attempt when we were trying to conceive. I know that I would have been devastated if I had been these people. But I don't honestly know if I could have given it back to them or not. I wonder how the court would rule in a case like this??

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That is a horrible, horrible, situation. I commend them for how they are handling it.

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I do too, ILG. I don't know if I could do it.

I honestly don't know what I WOULD do.

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I think they're doing the right thing, difficult though it may be. What a terrible situation to be in...:(

Re: What would YOU do?
 

Without reading the article and just going on what's said in this thread so far, I'd admit there is no way I could give up a child I was carrying, even after finding out that it wasn't mine.

Now, I might agree to sharing parenthood (not child support or anything like that), if they wanted to see the child, but there would be an understanding that I AM MOTHER and what I say, goes.

OTOH, if the situation was reversed, there is no way I could take my biological child away from someone due to a mistake such as that. I'd want to see the child if they'd allow, but I'd also understand that THEY ARE THE PARENTS and what they say, goes.

But then again, I'm speaking as a person not in this situation.

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No one has said it yet on the news, but my guess is that someone is looking at filing a HUGE lawsuit against the place that did the invitro!

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If it were my first, especially, it would be VERY difficult to give the child up. I would contend that the child is mine because, no matter whose genetic material was used, it was my body that provided nourishment and life. I say this even more so because IVF is probably a last effort in fertility treatments.

If it was my fourth and their first, I'd be more apt to give them the child, especially if it was their first.

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In these couples' situations I'd make sure that clinic paid for all six kids' college-through masters degrees!

The couple carrying the child will not be able to have more. They will hire a surrogate to carry a child for themselves. The other couple didn't even necessarily want another child. This was a frozen embryo from a previous IVF. I would have fought to keep the child in those circumstances.

Re: What would YOU do?
 

It's hard to know how I would feel unless it was me actually going through it, but I think it is the right thing to do, to give the baby to his biological parents. But I would want to somehow be involved in the child's life, known as an Aunt or something like that.

It definitely would be different if the kid was older. What if they had found out when he was like 2 years old? In that case, someone would have to kill me before they could take my kid away even if he wasn't mine biologically. The bond really does grow deeper over time.

I can't say how I would feel if it was my second or third kid, because I only have one son. I can say though, that I am glad I am not in their situation.

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I'd like to know how they plan to explain this to this child as he grows up? "Oh by the way, Johnny, I'm your mom, but I didn't give birth to you. And no, you weren't adopted. That wasn't necessary because you really are our child. Of course, we didn't plan to have you. But since you were implanted in another lady, we ended up with you. And now we're so glad you are here."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???????????

Re: What would YOU do?
 

The child is still their biological child, cared for by them by birth, no matter who carried him to birth. No matter how the child is birthed, he is 100% the child of the second couple, biologically speaking, and from a parenting perspective.

It's no different than having a surrogate carry a child for a mother whose body isn't able to sustain a pregnancy. The child still belongs to the biological parents; someone else just helped out with the pregnancy.

Since these parents did have embryos set aside, I would say they were planning to have the baby, even though it wasn't right away. Lots of parents don't "plan" a pregnancy; that doesn't mean the child isn't welcomed and loved when it arrives.

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I was thinking that, too...that clinic is going to be in TROUBLE--that is a big mistake to make.

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Oh my, that would be devastating to give my baby up after carrying it for 9 months, biological or not! What a heart wrenching decision to make!

Re: What would YOU do?
 

Do the couple even have a choice other than to give the baby over? I wonder how this would play out in court if it went there...

The irony is, the couple (if they were not Christian) could say, "OK you sign the agreement to let us have this baby or we will just legally KILL IT!"

Re: What would YOU do?
 

I think they were in Canada but I am pretty sure that would be a case of first impression here in the US of A. The child is technically the biological parents, but what a terrible choice.

What a huge sacrifice. Have some friends that are going through this right now and she is about 3 months along, they would be devastated.

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They are in Ohio.

If they were forced to give the kid up, I still think some would abort at this stage in the game.

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Why did I think they were in Canada?

Well, It doesn't sound like they are going to court. I would hate to be a judge in that custody battle. One could argue that their is a presumption that a child born to a woman belongs to the husband. But I am not sure that would carry the day in this case. Fathers have been denied parental rights in cases where the mother was married to someone else though.

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...could use Solomon's "let me have a sword and we'll divide the living child in half" mentality. It wouldn't hold up in a US court, but if you are willing to kill the child, are you really a parent?

On the other hand, pro-choice is all about the woman having rights to her body. She could use that slant. Would be really funny if she weren't so far along and told the biological mother that she could have the baby, but she would have to carry it the rest of the term!

Can you imagine them trying to explain this to their other three kids? Yes, mommy is having a baby, but it isn't ours. We bought the clothes and the furniture, we told you that you'd have a little brother or sister, but these other people provided the genetic material... we just gave our time and my body. I provided the nutrition, I took off work, its my body this child has lived in, but it isn't our child.

Re: What would YOU do?
 

This is the article that was in today's Toledo Blade.........

http://toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll...WS16/309249997

It is very moving and very interesting. I can't even imagine being in the position these people find themselves in. And it sounds to me like they can't imagine being there either. Sad.......

Re: What would YOU do?
 

I think I would probably cuss. Alot.

JK

Re: What would YOU do?
 

"Because Mrs. Savage had experienced miscarriages, she wanted to get through the first trimester to ensure that the pregnancy appeared viable before sharing the news — or meeting the Morells."

That is just horrible. You have a hard time getting pregnant, finally you do conceive, just to find out it's not really yours. I also read in the first article this will be her last possible pregnancy. Now they will have to get a surrogate mother if they want any more kids.

This hospital would be paying off my house, cars and sending all my kids to college.