How do you help your children...
 

develop a love for God, and a relationship with Him?

Obviously taking them to church every service isn't enough.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

IMHO, it is more in deeds than in words...

Only speaking from personal experience, children for the most part follow the example or pattern set before them...at least that's the way it was in our family.

Growing up, my brothers and me saw our parents devoting time to prayer and study.

We witnessed the hours they gave to Sunday School preparation and years of teaching.

We experienced the joy of giving of time and sustenence, not seeking a reward, but seeing the return come anyway.

Some might say, and rightfully so, that deeds do not always indicate a heart after God.

But in the case of my family, we knew that the service done for Kingdom sake was due in large part to the heart service our parents rendered on a daily basis.

They were not perfect, but they taught us by example to love the Lord with all our heart, and to be up and be doing.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

It isn't? I just assumed that bringing them to the house of God, every SINGLE time the doors were open, was enough. Rain or shine. Sickness or death. I'll be there.

UPCI
St Louis, MO

Re: How do you help your children...
 

No, that's not it. ;)

So what do think is the answer?

Re: How do you help your children...
 

I know that isn't it. Just joking around. Although while we were in the Org during the 80's that WAS the number 1 method taught for accomplishing what your asking.

Honestly, the bible says you will know them by their fruits. This goes for children and how they see their parents.

It is by teaching them WHAT to do, but just as importantly, showing them what to do by example.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

I knew that you knew, I was just wondering what you thought really did work.

I'm seeing a lot of really good people, (not dogmatic) who truly love God, have children who turn their back on God. Usually not all of their children, but one or two.

I'm just wondering if there's something we could do to tilt the scales the other way.

Right now, my main plan of action is praying. Asking God to turn their hearts toward him. I honestly don't know what else to do. But I'm wondering if there is more I should be doing.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

I don't know. Our children aren't grown yet, so we can only hope we're doing it right.

We do try to make God the center of everything. We make prayer a quick and easy option, we encourage them to read scripture on their own, and we try to instill scriptural principles in them instead of specific rules.

My husband says that in order for someone to really get something, they have to "buy into it." With children, I think that means using just about anything and everything as a learning opportunity, and eliciting the principle from them via their cognitive processes rather than parental imposition.

That was clear as mud, so let me try again...LOL!!! Instead of telling your children, "Don't steal", ask them questions, read them relevant scriptures, and try to lead them to state their own conclusion about respecting the property of others. Now, I don't think that means you can't teach them black and whites--there are lots of absolutes and black and whites. But even then--they need to know why the absolutes are absolute.

I would say in order for them to develop a relationship with God, they have to start with a basic understanding of who God is, why they would want to have a relationship with Him, and be apprised of their need for Him in such a way that they want to pursue it further.

Your first mission field is your family, AQP! :) Minister to them the same way you would minister to an unbeliever, at least, with the same end goal in mind.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

AQP!! I don't want to talk about children today!!! My son is an absolute heartbreaker! He broke up with his girlfriend of over two years and she is devastated! I just got home and she is on the ID Caller - again!!! I don't know what to do for her!! Lord!! :tissue

Guess I better call her back...... :sad

Re: How do you help your children...
 

My husband and I took both of our children, who are now grown men, to church as often as we could. I read and sang lots of things to them about God and living wholesome lives. We showed them as much of the love of God as we knew how.

We can try very hard to instill in them the things that are right, but we all know, in the end, it will be their decision on which path to take and how they view God.

Thankfully both of our young men took the right one and are now teaching their children to follow and love God too.....

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Oh, boy. It's really hard if you loved the girl, too!

I went through that a while back, and I hope I never have to again!

Sorry you are. :(

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Thank you and please pray for her. I do love her!!! :sad I need to relax for a minute before I call her back. It's like a two hour phone call - normally! I was praying for her as I was driving home because I knew she was going to call me today. :sad

Re: How do you help your children...
 

LOL, PO!!!!! Your son MUST be a serial heartbreaker for his mother to take the gf's side. :D

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Toward your question - I read to them what the Word said so that they could hear for themselves. I never pushed them to pray, read their Bibles or go to the altar. I taught them not to fake a move of God or tears - no matter what anyone else was doing. You know how kids can be? LOL!

I also had them pray for themselves when they were sick or hurt so that they could see God was real in their lives.

For instance, when my son was very young his foot had been hurting him for, maybe, a week. We were sitting on the couch and he asked me to pray for his foot again. I said, "Son, God wants you to ask him yourself. He wants you to talk to him yourself. You can't get to God through me or your Daddy. He's your God too."

He lifted up his foot and with a little embarrassment in his voice said, "Jesus! I need you to heal my foot!" Well, he instantly felt healing and got tears in his eyes and then started laughing. lol! So cute!

I just want God to be real to them. That's all that matters in this life.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Lord, he was with his NEW girlfriend when we went out for his birthday Saturday. I saw him WINK at her. I wanted to slap his face. He's so funny and suave!!! I hope someone breaks his heart so he'll know how it feels!!! MEN!!!!! :sad

Okay, going to call the EX!!!! :tissue

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Oh, my goodness!!! That's hysterical. :toofunny :toofunny

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Ron Luce has a great book out called Recreate. Most of the information was common sense, but there are a few other things that really hit home.

When my 16 year old was a tiny tot, I determined that I would not spend hours and hours only reading books (which I did do, as well), but I also decided to interview adults who never strayed from church. I would ask them, "what did your parents do RIGHT?"

Surprisingly, taking them to church all the time was barely mentioned, but across the board, the most common theme was, "they spent time with me". This is echoed in Luce's book as well. Many kids grow up resenting church because their parents put church first.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

My son is still so young, but I feel the best approach that I am going to use is simply to lead by example. Me and my Mom butted heads a lot when I was younger, she was very conservative, and I think that it actually pushed me away from church. She was so focused on the "standards" and nothing else. I do love my mother though. She did manage to instill a foundation in me and I'm grateful for that.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

I wish I knew the answer exactly. I have prayed for mine, had such a strong desire to see them grow in a relationship with God. It has been my hearts desire. I don't want to see them in religion...but have a true relationship.

My frequent prayer has been "let them know you as i know you" I hope that I have lived an example before them.

Mine are still in the turbulent teens. Ultimately I think they have to have their own failures and get to know God just like we did. To prove him faithful, to see that he forgives, loves us unconditionally. I think the only way that can truly happen is for them to make mistakes and learn just like we did.

I attended services for our church anniversary this weekend... two of my daughters sang in both services. I was so proud of them and so glad that they were in church instead of where they could be...as they have struggled as so many teens do. Thankfully they are getting to know him and understand his faithfulness.

Throughout struggles though I have thought Oh God, you are forsaking me..:sad only to have him prove his faithfulness to us and come through the storm...and all stronger for it.

I think keeping them active in ministry of some type is a big help. They have to have fellowship with those who are like them and keeping them active with a purpose.

I wish I had developed speaking into the lives of my kids earlier... just in the last year has God showed me the importance of speaking into their lives the Word of God and the plans he has for them. It works.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

I used to "teach them how to pray" by dangling them out over the edge of hotel balconies with a Blanket on their heads. Then, some other guy did that with his kid and it wasn't cool anymore.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

We do this too.

Also, whenever I was sick or had a headache, I would ask my children if they would pray for me. I still remember my then 4yr. old laying her little hand on my head; praying for God to heal Mama's headache. Well.....my headache went away and my little 4 yr. old and my other children started giggling and jumping around and sing-songing, Jesus healed Mommy, Jesus healed Mommy. And that day, Jesus became a little more real and personal to them. Now that they are older, I don't have to ask, they'll come to me and say, Mom, can I pray for you?

I also think it ties in with living a Godly example all the time. Children are so perceptive. They know what's real and what isn't. They aren't fooled by Sunday Christians. If we aren't consistent in all we do how can we expect them to be. Your children need to know that God is a part of everything you do.

We have always homeschooled and we have always encouraged questions and we've always tried to teach our children how to find answers to those questions. When they were little, they learned how to use a Strong's Concordance right along with learning how to use a dictionary and encyclopedia. We have tried to instill a love of God's Word in them. Memorizing it, studying it, learning how to search it for answers. As they have grown older we have told them, don't just take someone's word what the Bible says. Study the Bible, look it up, know for yourself what God has to say in His Word; pray about it and learn to hear God's voice.

I'm sorry, I ramble. The bottom line is I want God to be real to them. For them to love God and know God loves them. To know that God forgives and is merciful. I want them to know what God's Word says and to ask questions and to understand His Word. I want them to have a personal relationship with God through a developed prayer life.

I want them to know that God will be EVERYTHING to them that He says in His Word that He will be. And, I think they learn all of this by observing their parents walk with God and how we handle trials and situations.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

:ursofunny:smack

Well, In my opinion, children are a product of nature verses nurture. Influences in a child's life are many but for Apostolics there are major ones: the community of family/parents, grandparents, the community of church, and the community of school peers and educators.

God puts life and basic personality into children and parents either nurture the image of God in them, or they destroy the image of God in them. The church either abuses and controls or it affirms and grows them up into mature christians.

Parents have the formative years to instill honor for God, country, & family, or not. the church influence should have a backseat to the teachings of the home especially when parents are of the household of faith. If parents and church do the job God intended then the world/school/peers will have little to no lasting influence.

Since no parent gets a trial run, and some have no godly example of how to be a good and effective parent...many have to rely on the mercy and grace of God to override destructive parenting, spiritual abuse, and societal influence.

If you ask me how I helped my children personally: I prayed with them and for them, fasted with them & for them, taught them the word of God at home after what was taught at church and referred them to scripture and not traditions of man. I taught them kindness, sharing, manners, hygiene, and how to be the best they could be. I let them make decisions for themselves when they were old enough whether I agreed with them or not. I have always been supportive and wanted better for them than they want for themselves.

My daughter thinks I am not proud of her because she chose a road that I would never have chosen for her, but she is full of promise and purpose and God will honor her for doing the best she could with what she has to work with. She is a good mother and friend to many. She loves God and that will see her through.

My son likes to think he is most like his father but he is only like his father in height. He is industrious, intelligent, and a good provider for his family. He thinks he will do a better job in his marriage than his parents did...and he may but only if God is who He is following and not just to prove a point.

I raised them the best I could in the wisdom and knowledge I had. I wasn't the best Mom, but I was a good one. I trust God that He cannot lie and he has to do as He promised:

1. He promised if I trained them up in the way they should go - when they are old they will not depart from it.

2. He promised that He would restore to me the years the moth & cankerworm have eaten up.

From my youth I have loved and lived for God. I was not always faithful, but God has been. There is no one who loves my children and grandchildren more than I do. They know this deep in their heart and one day they will do as God has told them to do...honor their parents. This is the ONLY commandment with a built in PROMISE. The promise is a long life to those who honor their parents.

The difficult thing is this: Whatever they sow - they will reap in their own children no matter how much time, energy, & money they put into them.

Blessings, Rhoni

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Great post Rhoni.:thumbsup

as for the bolded part... Amen!! I have gone through some things with mine that I am reminded of my teenage ways. I keep praying... Lord, let them not be as stubborn as I was... I wouldn't listen to anything. lol

Re: How do you help your children...
 

OH MY GOSH! He breaks up with the new girl and is back with his EX!! Well, sort of back, she is telling him he has to prove himself. You go girl!!!! :thumbsup

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Good for her! :) (and roller coaster for you!!)

Re: How do you help your children...
 

You think you got it bad with drama with your son. You would not even believe what I am going through with my youngest. I constantly have a house full of boys. I was sitting at the table the other night talking with two young men… I look up at one point and thought… I always wanted boys, well I have them. ;) They are so more than willing to fix anything; I don’t even have to ask. Gaining brownie points they are…lol

On my kitchen table right now is three beautiful bouquets of flowers, lilies and on my desk at work is yet another basket of daisies. All from the same guy, he has it bad. I told him he was trying way too hard. She went to Washington to see him deploy to Afghanistan last month. He is a fine young man who discusses scriptures with me by email throughout the day. (he is the one I might like to see her end up with)

I get more texts, emails and calls from these young men…didn’t you know I have a counseling degree... :D For some reason they seem to think that I might have some means of persuading her. I get caught up in all this drama, the jealousy fits; you name it… last week I told her I was through. Stop the madness… enough already.

And that is only the activity of my youngest. With the other two, I just do a lot of fasting and praying as they are over 18 now… I thought the oldest was gonna kill me… :nah nah, nothing like the baby.

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Yep! Good for her!!! :thumbsup

My husband said, "I sure wouldn't let him come waltzing back in!"

:toofunny

I said, "Baby, are you getting in touch with your feminine side?!!!"

:toofunny

Re: How do you help your children...
 

I'm just thankful that he is, normally, a one woman man! There is no way I could put up with that many women vying for him!!!

He gets enough of that from waitresses when we go out and eat! Then he runs by the bank to make a deposit and the teller puts her phone number in his envelope!!!! Lord, I wanted to call the bank!!!!! :thwak

Re: How do you help your children...
 

Dear FB,

For the most part I was a sincere stayed out of trouble and served God kind of teenager and young married. My stubborness came in my 30's. Unlike my children, I allow for differences of opinion and personal accountability in decision making.

When my daughter was married, even though I disapproved - I supported her and paid for the wedding. When my son was 18 but in High School he wanted to move into his own apt and I supported him although did not approve - it was too soon.

But after they had moved out and I had graduated from college, I chose to move to Florida. To show their disapproval they refused to help me pack or load my truck. I did it myself and had to got to over a month of physical therapy to be able to walk again as I had moved everything over my 10# weight limit due to my car accident.

When I decided to move to Texas, all of my children refuse to visit me here and hold grudges because I choose not to live in Indiana. The choices they have made affect not only them but their children.

My stubborness manifests itself in that I insist on having a life separate from abuse, divorce issues, and all my ex-s live in Indiana! I will live and work where God and I choose regardless of the price my children intend that I pay.

So, the difference in my children and I is that I love them unconditionally but they have conditions that I refuse to be manipulated by.

So, are my children like me...only in some areas but not in the ones mentioned.

Blessings, Rhoni

Re: How do you help your children...
 

You guys get excited about God and serving Him. Find a church where the youth are excited about living for God and helping the unsaved in the area to love God as they do.

Most kids will get caught up in loving God more than the world when they see the power of God not only work in their lives, but in the lives of those they are witnessing to.

This is what I have witnessed first hand both recently in my own life and from observing many other youth in 3 other churches. :heart

Re: How do you help your children...
 

In the upci church I raised my children in - they were always in trouble and sat down about one thing or another. When they switched to the local ALJC church they were much more a part and enjoyed Jesus.

The spirit of the church and letting young people serve God without consistenily controlling and binding rules make a big difference.

P.S. The kids were sat down for ridiculous things like: my son for wearing tennis shoes to church, and getting a bowl haircut just like the Pastor's, and my daughter for trimming her hair and hanging out with trouble-making church kids. She always got blamed for what they did because her mother didn't dress according to the UC church standards. Like I said...stupid stuff. And where did they get that "6 month" thing?