More Yucks
 

"It was so cold in Washington, it felt like Hillary's inauguration. It was so cold, Al Gore led a prayer for global warming. In fact, by the end of the inauguration, everybody's face looked like Nancy Pelosi." --Jay Leno

"Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi went to Syria, and she said she found some common ground to talk about with the Syrians. I guess they told each other Bush jokes for a few hours." --Jay Leno

"Many Republicans are upset with ... Speaker Nancy Pelosi's recent demand for regular use of the Air Force's C-32 -- the same type of aircraft the Vice President and the first lady use. They're also not thrilled with her demand to be carried around Washington Cleopatra-style." --Amy Poehler

"Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is now in Iraq. She made a surprise visit to Iraq. Well, you thought Bush wanted to bomb the place before. ... She didn't say how long she'd be staying in Iraq. President Bush said he was against setting any timetables for Pelosi to return. He said to bring her back prematurely would send the wrong message." --Jay Leno

"Today Nancy Pelosi became the first woman Speaker of the House. They say this is the furthest anyone in a dress has gotten in Washington since J. Edgar Hoover." --Jay Leno

"Nancy Pelosi said today we've waited 200 years for this. 200 years? How many face lifts has this woman had?" --Jay Leno

"The new Speaker of the House is Nancy Pelosi. She had lunch today with President Bush, but the lunch honestly did not go well. She would not pass him anything he asked for." –David Letterman

"Nancy Pelosi, the likely Speaker of the House, had lunch at the White House Thursday with President Bush. Though, just to rub things in, she left early to have an abortion." --Amy Poehler

"I got to give the president credit. He is trying. He had lunch two days ago with Nancy Pelosi, the new Speaker of the House. And he was trying to find common ground and couldn't come up with anything. Finally he said, 'Your frozen smile looks just like my wife's.'" --Bill Maher

"Did you see last week President Bush and Nancy Pelosi meeting with reporters after their lunch? Boy, you thought Bill and Hillary were good about putting on phony smiles." --Jay Leno

"As a result of this week's election, the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, is now the most powerful woman in the country. After hearing this, Oprah Winfrey said, 'Yeah right.'" --Conan O'Brien

A Nancy Pelosi impersonator on Saturday Night Live, on the Democrats' 2006 victory: "You sent this White House a message: That stay the course in Iraq is not a plan; that our healthcare system should serve ordinary citizens, not pharmaceutical companies;......................................

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Exactly. No reason to expect Christians to take the high road. :hmmm

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Ah Timmy, we can't all be a pagan like you!:gotcha


I thought those jokes were funny!

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Yawn. This exact list of stupid jokes that aren't funny have been posted before on a thread in which I was defending the rights of liberals to breathe. It might actually have been you. Could you come up with something new? I suppose maybe it's asking too much to ask Christians to behave better than these folks.

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You really don't have a sense of humor, do you? Nothing crass about these jokes and yet you still complain about them.

The last line is laughable and condescending, especially coming from you...

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This is not a political joke, , but anyways...

Most Americans do not know about "Newfies". Newfoundlanders. Sort of like Canada's rednecks. My wife is a newfie and loves newfie jokes.

In fact, Newfies make up most of the newfie jokes, themselves.

A newfie was carrying an ice cooler full of fish. The game warden stops him and asks if he has a license for catching those fish. He said, "Nope. They're my pets."

"Your pets?"

"Yep. I bring them out every day to the lake and take them for a swim. Then I whistle and they all jump back into the cooler and I take them home."

"Ok, wise guy, let's go to the lake and prove to me that you can throw them in and whistle for them to jump back in your cooler."

So they proceeded down to the lake.

The Newfie throws in the fish in the lake and stands there.

The warden says, "Well, whistle to your fish and let's see see them jump back into your cooler."

The Newfie replies, "What fish?"

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I look at it this way, we can laugh about pelosi or cry that she is where she is. Laughing is more fun.

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Texans have Aggie Joke, an aggie being someone who goes to or went to Texas A&M University.

There were three Aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled,
"Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?"
One of the Aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"


What is the difference between an Aggie and a carp?
One is a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.


Did you hear about the Aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus.
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.


How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he gets 3 hours credit.


What is the difference between the Aggies and Rice Crispies?
Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.


Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the A&M campus, because that's the last place you'll find a football player.


Did you hear about the skeleton they found in a closet in one of the dorms at A&M?
It was the 1963 hide-and-go-seek champion!


Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.


Why did the Aggie get fired from the M&M plant as a quality control inspector?
He kept throwing out all the W&W's!


Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot?
He flew 22 missions.


An Aggie got a job at an east Texas sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked
how he lost it, he replied, "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Darn! There goes another one!"


Did you hear about the Aggie that drove his pickup into the lake?
His dog drowned while he tried to get the tailgate down.


Why don't Aggies eat barbecue beans?
Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.

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What do you call 53 guys sitting around the TV watching the playoffs? The Raiders.

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Go yell at Timmy. He said, basically, the same thing. Oh.....I repeat my request for you to put me on "Ignore." I bother you too much.

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Request .... denied! bwahahahahaha! :evilglee

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:toofunny

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Which part? The yell at Timmy part, or the put on ignore part? Or both?

:lol

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See if NOW gets worked up over making fun of blondes!



Blondes Are The Best!!!

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you
Throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't Defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You might have to think twice about this one.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency Room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting Off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants..
I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth..'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun.. He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little Harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
These are just too cute not to pass on!!!!

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied.....'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
+++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that My mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of
hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically...
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'

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Oh c'mon Timmy! Have you no sense of humor?! I mean, if Christians don't smile, we're criticised and if we do it's the same.... we can't win.

God definitely had a sense of humor ... He created [you]! :lol

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Thats right now smile.....

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That ain't no joke......:ursofunny

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No fair using my actual name and the [ you ] trick in the same post!

:lol

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Oh, we could really mess with NOW's mind!

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Only if Nancy Pelosi bleached her hair.

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:lol


The first time I saw a post with that [ you ] trick, I didn't know what was going on. I thought, what? Why is this person posting that about me? I was pretty upset, but didn't say anything ... glad I didn't. Would've felt dumb had I said something, then found out. :blush

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A blonde was walking two dogs.

Someone approached her and complimented her on her two dogs and asked what their names were.

She replied, "This one is named Timex and this other one is named Rolex."

"Timex and Rolex? Aren't those unusual names for dogs?" asked the other person.

"No, because they are watch dogs," was the blonde's reply.

------------------------------------

A brunette went to see her doctor and complained about pain in her body." She said, "every where I poke myself, I feel pain. I don't understand it."

She then demonstrated by poking an upper arm and grimacing in pain, then poking her leg and exclaiming "ouch" loudly, then poking her stomach and wincing in pain."

The doctor watched this demonstration, thought a while and asked, "You're actually a blonde, aren't you?"

"Yes," the brunette answered. "How did you know?"

The doctor replied, "Because your finger is broken."

---------------------------------

Two blondes were arguing about which is closer to Chicago --the moon or Miami, Florida."

Blonde number one says confidently, "The moon is closer."

Blonde number two says, "How can you be so sure?"

Blonde number one says, "Well, DUH,....... we can see the moon but we can't see Miami"

----------------------------------

Internet Warning

If you get an email........

oh, wait, I better not tell that one

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:spit LoL!

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I have to admit, blonde jokes are on "this" side of my "line". :lol

For one thing, they don't name specific individuals. For another, I don't know any blondes that aren't OK with them. And the jokes aren't usually intended as hurtful, it seems.

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Thanks for that endorsement!

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Blondes are people too ... that's what my friend says anyway.

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What has 72 feet and only three teeth?

Front row of a Willie Nelson concert.

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http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w...almarriage.jpg

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w...okes/ATT21.jpg

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w...opted-cake.jpg

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w...e-sledding.jpg

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w.../Jokes/471.jpg

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woman and a man been married for 50 years. they go in the grocery store ,she asks him to buy her a can of peaches, he says no i dont have the money. so when he turns his back, she puts them in her pocket, she gets caught and has to go to court. the judge says, why did you do this? she says, my husband is too cheap to buy them and i was hungry. he says how many peaches were in the can? she says 6 your honor, he says thats easy i think 6 days in jail will do. her husband raises his hand and says your honor, she stole a can of peas too!

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This whole thread is just WAY too good!! Some of these are priceless!! :D

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What?? There's no nudity mentioned in them. I thought you wanted that in your jokes!! :ursofunny:ursofunny

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Well, as you may know from our church website, my wife is extremely blonde. And she actually likes blonde jokes. I wouldn't tell one, though. They're mostly aimed at females and while they seem harmless and no one would take it seriously, I think it could play with a young girl's mind and create self-esteem issues she doesn't need. Psychological studies have actually shown that blonde women have a greater tendency to see themselves as intellectually lacking more than other demographics. I read that in a study somewhere a couple years ago. Don't ask me where it was. I'll see if I can locate it on the internet.

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Please don't.

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:toofunny Why's that? Being equipped with applicable information is tough, isn't it?

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HA! I always called them the
49ers

GO COWBOYS!

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Hey, them's fightin' words!!!

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Thank goodness Southpark never targets their satire at specific individuals, eh Tim-mah? ... :D

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:couch

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Applicable is an objective term, don't you think?

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It never takes long before the subject of humor is the most recent casualty

Subject: THE TIGER

What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?
They’re both in danger of being clubbed by Norwegians!

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn’t decide between the iron or the wood.

Based on Tiger’s interests, his new product endorsements will be for Hostess.

This morning, his agent announced that the new nickname for Tiger will either be Cheetah or Lion.

His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks like she really went for the driver.

Did you hear that he inspired a new Kung Fu movie to be released? “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.”

Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.

Tiger just lost his endorsement with Gillette because now they can’t use his ad in which he says, “This was my closest shave yet.”

Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.

Did you hear about Tiger’s last outing? He drove into a tree, then ended up with a bad lie.

Tiger Woods has a lot of nice cars, but now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 350 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.