Worst Sermons In History
 

Nomination #1...When I was in Bible School, a student preached in chapel about the five smooth stones that David gathered for his fight with Goliath and said they represented the letters, "J-E-S-U-S". The "J" stood for God's judgment, the "E" for God's everlasting arms (or something like that), and so on.

When he said what he was going to preach, Bro. Segraves laughed with his bog ole laugh, thinking the guy was joking. Unfortunately, he was serious.


Nomination #2.....An evangelist spoke about the process that Peter writes about, "add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance;" etc.

He then read the verse, "The first shall be last and the last shall be first" and used that to say the list in II Peter should actually be followed backwards.

Re: Worst Sermons In History
 

:blink

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:ursofunny

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How about the "Loose Connection" preacher? Anyone remember him? This was before Bro. Bear, the infamous YouTube preacher.

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How 'bout an evangelist that preaches the same sermon he did the last time he was there, and forgot. Anyone ever heard that?

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I probably wouldn't remember it, either. :D

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:toofunny

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Yeah, I'm not exactly known for retaining much from the sermons I've heard.

(And every single AFFer that reads this will say "That explains everything!" :toofunny)

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THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!!!




:thumbsup

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Yes. This is far too common I feel. I have heard a famous preacher, not LS, preach the same message 5 times.

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Sadly enough, I have heard this message preached in a Sunday service at a church that I used to attend. :pullhair

It was the 5 stone, J-E-S-U-S theory. Thankfully, it didn't elaborate into the J = God's judgement and so on though.

I have heard wonderful sermons, but also many that could be contenders for your contest. Entire sermons based on using the wrong definition for a word (words that sound similar but are not), contorting of scriptures to prove a minimum 5% mandetory offering in addition to the tithe, a belief that actors are channeling spirits in order to play their roles in movies, etc.

Unfortunately, I have blocked them from my memory as a method of self preservation so I can't provide many details. :bliss

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Ugh...there goes my self preservation. This thread just dredged up a memory of what I think I would definitely have to classify as one of the worst sermons I have ever heard.

This sermon was given by an evangelist. He taught from this scripture:

1 Peter 3:6 (New International Version)
6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

His sermon basically taught that the married women needed to be like Sarah. Each morning they should kiss their husbands feet (I promise I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried) and address him by saying "My lord, how can I serve you today?"

It was truly bizarre and disturbing.

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HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA

How do they do this stuff straight-faced?

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Those are very short sermons. :grampa

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ROFL :toofunny . I really don't know. I think the audience was too shocked to laugh, but it did provide for some good inside jokes among the married couples later.

Of course the vast majority (>99%) of the church remained in noncompliance with this "teaching". The only woman I know who took the sermon to heart, ended up divorced a couple of years later.

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Heeeeyyyyyy.....I'm gonna preach this to my wife in a few minutes!!!:heeheehee

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I had heard the J-E-S-U-S thing as sort of a joke, but this guy was dead serious. The biggest problem is, when "Jesus" is written in Greek or Hebrew, or a hundred other languages, how many letters does his name have?:lol

Evidently, he didn't consider that.

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:hmmm Guess I don't see what the problem is.




:ursofunny

:couch

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I discern that this will be the result of your "preaching"

:spit:angry1:digging:rip

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:eeeew

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Our guy was serious too! That's what made it so funny. Not a lot of deep scholarship going on in preparation for that sermon :winkgrin

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Hahaha....pretty much!!

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OK, I got one. It was a SS lesson (adult class), not a sermon. And it wasn't the main point of it, just something the teacher mentioned, related (I guess) to the lesson. He said the Bible says "call no man father", so when he was a kid, they never called their father "father". They called him "dad" instead.

I kid you not.

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A former pastor of mine use to refer to the scripture 1 Timothy 1:5
Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:

He always called it faith unfringed and one time said that meant our faith could have no attachments.

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It's a shame that we got to many among us that are just that smart.

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Surely you jest!

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Oh goodness.

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Nope.

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Once long ago, when I was filling in for a preacher in a VERY small church, my entire sermon consisted of "Welcome to _____ UPC. I would like to talk to you today about choosing who you will serve"

*insert famous Joshua scripture here*

Me - "Let's all pray"

LOL

They weren't even done counting the offering - everyone just sat there looking at me.

Good times.

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I've heard several sermons using the KJV text (Acts 26 I believe) where Paul says " I think myself happy" and use it to mean that we're to have a positive attitude. Drives me absolutely nuts hearing such poor interpretation.

Re: Worst Sermons In History
 

How many times have you heard that David chose 5 stones to represent the 5 letters in the name of Jesus?
or how many times have you heard that David chose 5 stones because he heard that Goliath had 4 brothers?

I can't tell you exactly how many but I've heard both of those several times (maybe half a dozen each) over the years.

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Over a period of time did you ever hear the same singer sing the same song more than once?

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I remember a local pastor here trying to exhort the congregation to stronger worship.

He said the Bible says, "Leap for joy, so if you want joy, you gotta leap for it."

He then had us all leap up and down.
Some got happy but most just quit jumping and looked around a little ashamed.

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A little over 30 years ago in an Apostolic Church in his Sunday night sermon our ALJC pastor said, "The Bible says that a man is supposed to be clean shaven." I spoke out and said, "I'd like to see where that's in the Bible." My wife grabbed my arm and gave me "that look." Husbands and children know what "that look" is that can be given by wives and mothers. Either the pastor did not hear me or he chose to ignore me because he did not stop the sermon or respond to me in any way. That night when we left after service we did not go back. That was my last night sitting in an Apostolic Church as a member and listening to an Apostolic pastor.

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The archaic language of the KJV is responsible for many errors in preaching.

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BUAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! Nomination #2 should have been #1...no, really!! That's hilarious! :ursofunny:ursofunny:ursofunny

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I am not thinking of a specific sermon so much as a type. A type where someone of some reputation gets up and proceeds to shout the most random series of catch phrases and "amen" producing versus ("I was GLAD when they said onto ME, let us GO into the house of the Lord!") and after an hour or so of shouting and "Ha ha haaaaa!"ing, he has said absolutely nothing.

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I heard a preacher once in Tennssee preaching on "Holiness in the Home". His entire sermon was a virtual laundry list of things we should not allow in our homes that would drive "holiness" away. Of course, as any good Apostolc knows, TV was at the top of the list. (Had computers been around then, I'm sure the internet would have been included).

He also included radio, recorded gospel music (except those of believers of "The Message" -he was a big William Branham follower.) Recorded sermons by any one other than WB were listed. Books were forbidden (except WBs). Little "what-nots", you know, those little dust collecting "idols' scattered around the house, were listed. As was photographs of dead folks (WB was excepted). I endured all I could, but what really drove me over the edge was when he spoke about ther greatest evil Holiness folks let into their homes that they never think about. According to him, allowing this into your home was the same as allowing pornography into your home. He said it destroys more homes than TV ever did. He said it teaches women how to be Jezebels, encourages kids to become rebellious, and drives men to have affairs with many women (his words, not mine). He said it makes nudity acceptable, and leads to lust, Lust and more LUST. And, of course LUST, brings forth death. So allowing this great evil into your home is inviting DEATH to enter.

This great evil?




The Sears and Roebuck catalog. I kid you not.

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I actually don't have as much a problem with the language of the KJV as I do with the lack of proper study of some of those preaching from it!

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The greek and Hebrew are much more archaic. Using the Darwinist movement to "interpret" Genesis is one style of forcing error onto the written Word. Those sermons that begin "once upon a time worms came from the Nile"........

The Reformed Darwin Version RDV is not catching on for some reason.