Gossip
 

Ugh...I'm going to vent. Forgive me. I'm really hurt right now. Someone in church came to me, during PRAYER MEETING, while I was praying, taps me on the shoulder, and says, "Matt. Are you on any medication?" This stunned me, but really I should have known what was to follow. I couldn't exactly lie about it, and I guess I could have said "That's none of your business" but I'm not a rude person. So I says, "Yes brother, I'm on an antipsychotic called Geodon." He says "What's that for?" I says "Mostly for depression, it levels me out". He says (Wait for it) "Oh cause I HEARD FROM SOMEONE you were on Xanax and... I cut him off right there. I says "Brother, at the beginning of January God delivered me of all the narcotics I was on. And don't let anyone tell you any different. And you can tell whoever told you that, I praise God for my deliverance every single day." Well, it shut him up, but I'm still hurt. Whoever I told I was on those medications I'm sure I made clear I was on for valid psychiatric reasons. AND whoever I told that to should have well known I was telling them so in a state of desperation and I was admitting sins to a BROTHER who should have practiced a little self restraint and dare I say pity for someone who was addicted to substances. AND that brother should have known not to use my personal problems as a way to have the latest and greatest bit of GOSSIP on ole Brother Matt. Gossip is a sin people. I very hurtful sin that does nothing but harm. It doesn't help the kingdom of God. God knows all, he doesn't need your prophecy to another brother. So this leads me to wonder, just how many other people think I'm a strung out dopehead? Ugh. I'm proud of myself that I was able to refrain from typing this without cursing, because trust me, I wanted to. Again, please forgive me, I just needed a place to vent. I'm so angry and frustrated right now. I seriously doubt he was asking to know what to pray for me about. No, he was asking for confirmation for his juicy piece of gossip. I'm now going to forget there's an edit button.

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uhhhhh, this probably isn't the place you want to be revealing your meds on. There are a number of people who will tell you that A) All you need to do is pray through and/or B) You need to take this herb!

My advice? Keep taking the meds the doctor prescribed!

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I don't care, you're not real people. You're the internet. :heeheehee No but seriously A I did pray through and B I want to get off this herb so it all works out.

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I can have a bit of sympathy with you having combatted various rumors about myself (some of which I accidently started :D).

I understand being hurt by whoever you confided in telling it to a third party. The only thing that I could recomend is asking God to help you forgive and bless both of these people, and be thankful that this individual came directly to you for the truth of the situation rather than spreading it around further that you were still dealing with other drugs.

I am the type of person that if I hear a rumor, I will attempt to acertain the truth as best I can without spreading it any further. I then attempt to set records straight the next time that I hear the rumor. Most often I attempt to go straight to the source. It does not always work, but I have killed more than one rumor about people this way. (That was not me at your church btw. I live too many hours to the north.)

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Well, I will keep praying for you until you no longer need that herb. My herb of choice is garlic (makes me happy and everybody else strange). :D

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As a side note, my pastor was very quick to tell me if a doctor tells me I should be on a medicine, I should listen to him. The wanting to quit is my own conviction.

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Start praying that God will enable you to be without any medicine. I am a believer that a Christian should not need medicine for much of anything at all. This is especially true of those medications that effect emotions, thoughts, and anything else pschologically. Further, if you are receiving a perscription via a psychiatrist, I would start seeing a psychologist because they are more likely to help rather than give you a pill. I had an option to do that once, and the people I said that to just nodded and told me that I had a point.

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Ok Matt. I am going to say what you are too polite to say.

It really is not anybody's business what medications you are taking. That is between God, you and your physician. That brother should be ashamed of himself for meddling in your life. And shame on the other one who told something that was told in confidence to him.

There are plenty of Christians....yes, even Spirit-filled believers that take medication although many will not reveal that. It is easier for some to take the focus off themselves and what they are doing by finding a patsy to demonize.

Even if you were a strung-out dope head, are they not spiritual enough to see you crying out to God for His will in your life?

Working in the medical community and seeing all sorts of illnesses, I can pretty much assure anybody that depression is a real illness and should be treated as such. It is unfortunate that many times it is not treated with a well-rounded therapy such as proper diet, exercise, therapy sessions and medications. I've seen too many people who did not feel that they had a shred of hope and sought to take their own life. It is a cry for help, not vain attention as some people assume.

I have been through this scenario before and was rejected by many UPC people because of their ignorance about the subject. In fact, their reaction contributed to my depression because few were willing to show love and mercy towards me while I had this terrible feeling that had come upon me. Depression not only affects the brain, it affects the physical body as well.

After many tears shed and pleas for God to help me, I held my head high regardless and just prayed to God for His solution to my dilemma. It was a time of learning for me. I learned to understand human emotions, the psyche as to why some people do some things they do, and I learned to recognize that perhaps 85% of all people have some sort of issues themselves and do not actively seek to resolve those issues. I've learned that people will project what they feel onto another person. Once this is understood, nobody can pull your chain to deceive you. Most of all, I've learned that God does not abandon us, nor does he treat us shabbily in our time of need.

God has helped me tremendously. I am off all antidepressants. He is our healer. Sometimes he uses others to help us sort through the problems that muck our way in life.

One thing about depression, stuff like this can suck the energy you have right out of you IF you let it. Focus your energy on looking towards the Light of Christ to help you. Be frank and firm with prying people about your feelings. You will find some who are very understanding and supportive. Stick with those brothers and sisters for God has sent them your way.

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Thank you so much!

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:thumbsup

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Matt, I'm sorry you are hurt, but don't take it too much to heart. Even in a close Christian fellowship there are going to be times when you are wounded by your friends. There is no excuse for it. But as long as we are in the flesh people are going to make mistakes. This isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection of the ignorance of people.

Reminds me of a mistake I once made. I was teaching a young woman bible studies, she was baptised, and had received the Holy Ghost. I drove by her apartment to pick her up for church and she told me she had to go to her AA meeting. I said "you have the Holy Ghost now, you don't need to go to your meeting." Next time I saw her she was dead drunk. I think I should have let her choose to go to the AA meeting instead of insisting I had all the answers.

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This hits so close to home right now. First I want to say that I support everything that AYR said and then I'll add a story. I have a dear friend from church. She suffers with bipolar disorder and is on medications.... well was on medications... A couple of years back she shared with someone who is a preachers wife and should have been a mature sister that she had suffered from post-partum depression after her first child (18 years ago). She shared about her fears that she was going to hurt him when he was an infant and how it had affected her by causing her terrible worry that she would suffer again after the birth of her second child (she did not, meds kept her stable)...

Anyway this sister decided to spread some hyped up version of this story all over church pretty much only in her version or the revised versions after, my friend is a portrayed as a danger to children. She was dismissed from teaching Sunday school and has been left out of baby showers and other social activities of the church. This has really been upsetting to her and in an effort to prove she is not 'crazy' she has recently gone off all meds. I am worried sick that she will have a relapse of depression and have been in fervent and constant prayer. I am also fearful for those who spread these rumors and lies at the peril of their own souls. My friend is currently thinking about leaving the church to get away from all the controversy.

Unfortunately mental illness is still widely misunderstood and stigmatized. I counsel friends and family that they should never discuss their mental illness, psychological or psychiatric issues with anyone except paid professionals who are legally bound to keep confidence and possibly with very close family if they are loving and supportive. I am heartbroken that I feel this way but too many people are still ignorant and unable to be understanding. Too many have fear and with the legal culpability for employers that exists now a history of mental illness can even make one unemployable, especially in certain fields like medicine and education. Lives are ruined because of disclosure.

So while the bible tells us to confess our sins to one another and to bear one another's burdens, I'm afraid in this case I have to say from experience that it is better to keep things to yourself.

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Ouch. How sad is that? Please tell somebody, if you feel a need--a stranger on a park bench. A counselor who cannot gossip without breaking a law. The right older person, maybe in a home or something. Better than stuffing it.

I'd say that "lives ruined" might also be interpreted "lives improved" by recognition of enemies posing as friends, but I understand that in practice this might be difficult, if you care what other people think.

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Not talking about lives ruined in that sense byrd... I am talking about job loss and the inability to find gainful employment or being restricted from careers that are meaningful (medicine, teaching, etc.). Discrimination against those with mental illness is still acceptable most places.

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Yes, I understand, and your advice def has a place, which is what I meant by "sad" or whatever.

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I won't even address the meds, I'll address the topic of this thread - GOSSIP!

Matt, you are 100% correct, you did what the Bible instructs, and went to a brother to "confess your faults". This brother violated scripture!

I get so frustrated with organizations that continually harp on extra-biblical external standards, but ignore, and in many cases ENCOURAGE, sins of the heart, such as gossip!!!!!

Sorry to hear of the situation, keep the faith - we're not all like that!

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I want to second all that ARY and T2W have said.

Being part of the medical community myself, I have realized that mental illness is every bit as real as any medical illness. And, I do believe God is every bit as able to heal mental illness, as He can heal the body too.

But just as you would not tell a diabetic to completely stop taking their meds, neither should you counsel someone dealing with mental illness to stop taking their drugs either, unless great faith is involved, and wisdom, great wisdom!

So Matt, a word to the wise here. The more people know about you, the more power they have over you. Tell as little as you can to people who could use it against you later. That is a sad truth.

Talking to professionals about your situation, in this case, is much more advisable than discussing it with someone who has never dealt with that issue in their own life, or someone who knows nothing about it at all.

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Now this is really sad! I really feel sad for this lady!

The one who spread the hype set out to destroy this sister with her mouth. Shame on her! Not a good thing for her unless she repents, recants what she said and restores this woman to the fellowship.

If my advice was asked for, I would advise to your friend to immediately get back on her medications and restabilize her life. Something like this will allow her to spiral downwards until these circumstances cause her to relapse. This ignorance is not worth disrupting her own life. She does not have to prove anything to anybody. If she relapses, this will then give the ignorant people cause to say hmmm yes, we were right to strip her of her dignity. She was not worthy to serve the Lord in the capacity she was in. We were right. <of course you know I am being being sarcastic towards the perpetrators>

Reality is, she has a brain chemical imbalance, but sounds to me like those "good" people do not want to be educated.

God will restore her serving Him either in that church or somewhere else. He knows her inner heart.

Yes, this is good advice. I've learned the hard way that even though you think that you can trust someone with something so important happening in your life, at some point in time, some will only use it to further their own agenda...whatever that may be...to make you look bad and them look great.

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I thank God I had the strength to do what I had to do without AA. But different people have different needs. I had a bad experience with them.

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God bless her for her strength. I hope her thoughts aren't purely on trying to prove a point, and she sincerely wants to live without the bondage of medication. I'm in the same boat as my pastor, if someone is prescribed something from a doctor, they need it. However that being said, when I was diagnosed, I was asked questions that every single person feels sometimes in their lives, especially someone under the influence of drugs. I feel the only thing I should have been treated for was temporary depression WHEN I NEED IT, and substance abuse. Instead, every time I felt something different during the time I was away from the doctor, then "Oh that means you're this, let's put you on this. Oh that means you're that, let's put you on that." That coupled with my want to be on different medications for the effects of them, I was just on a downward spiral. Before the end of it, I was on five different medications, and now I feel things I never felt before I started being treated. The medication I'm on now, I'm addicted to and I can't sleep without. That plus the fact that the detox is horrible from this stuff, is why I'm still on it.

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I find this advice to be common sense, widely prescribed. And very troubling. I would at least like you to consider the opposite; if you don't hide it at all, and let everyone know, no one that matters will care. It is the "secret" that is the problem, imo. You're in my prayers.

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HOGWASH!!!! I had a friend who bought into your way of thinking. When she got a mole on her arm, she believed like you. So she refused to see a doctor for it. Within 6 months she was dead - from something that easily could have been stopped and healed.

As far the psychiatric drugs go - let me tell you about a certain birth mother I know about. She is diagnosed with schizophrenia. When she got pregnant, she chose to carry the baby instead of aborting (for that I am so very grateful!). But in order to protect the unborn baby, she had to be taken off of all of her drugs. By the time she gave birth, she had to life-flighted to a much larger hospital and then hospitalized for over 2 months trying to get her back on track.

You can play God all you'd like with people's lives. But personally, I think you are on dangerous territory.

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Just because something is private does not mean it is a secret. I have no obligation to tell anyone things about me that do not affect them. Some things, like medical conditions, your bedroom life, etc. are just not public information.

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Yes, I agree with you T2W, and disagree with BB here. There are some things that absolutely need to be kept private, and are not everyone's business.

Having mental illness is not a "sin". The Bible does say to confess our "sins" one to another, but understanding that personal private things like mental illness, and as T2W said "sec" life, then those things definitely need to be kept private, and not discussed in public, but only with professionals or loved ones who care, and will be a help, and never a hindrance.

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Amen. Taking meds is not the equivalent of faithlessness. God can certainly help us and even heal us, but common sense and medicine can be gifts from God too.

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Ditto me for Margies response here to Jay.

Jay, you sound like one of those nuts who ends up in jail for not getting medical attention for a child. I doubt that is how you meant to come across but it is the logical end to your logic.

Regarding this thread in general I think it proves that becoming a Christian does not make a person not an idiot. Well to be more kindly becoming a Christian doesn't automatically give people wisdom, discernment, and common sense. None of which it appears the person had that approached Matt.

Amanah, I was horrified at the confession you made about how you discouraged an alcoholic from going to AA but the fact that upon reflection you know it was a mistake means you have matured a lot since then. Probably both spiritually and in other ways.

This thread is exactly why it is important for Christians to have a good pastor to teach them balance and context for all things spiritual.

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I am going to go a step further here.

To me discussing one's mental illness with non-concerned parties is the equivalent of saying "Hi, I'm Melissa and I have hemorrhoids." Not only does no one besides my doctor and maybe my husband or BFF need to know that... Most people would find it uncomfortable to hear, would be embarrased by it, and would find it weird that you even told them. They simply do not want to know. It falls under the too much information tab.

The uninvited knowledge then places a burden on that person. A burden that they may try to lessen by sharing the information with others... so that they are not the only one who knows. I am not excusing the sharing of information given in confidence but if they did not ask you to confide then you are responsible for them having sensitive information that they may not know how to handle. We can make all the assumptions we want about how a person ought to handle the information we give them but we can never be sure how they will unless there is an explicit agreement and a certain level of understanding, as there is with healthcare professionals.

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I was attending an UC Church where doctors, Psychiatrists, AA, ect were discouraged, we were to trust God for healing, deliverance, and mental health. Women were encouraged to have their babies at home. Sickness was evidence of sin (according to an elder in the church). Seeing a doctor was evidence of a lack of faith. I was trying to be obedient to what was being preached, and what I believed at the time. So you can be as horrified as you like, but I was a reflection of what I was being taught.

I am no longer an Ultra Con, and no longer hold unrealistically idealistic viewpoints or try to persuade others what route their faith should take.

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The only bright side to this viewpoint is how awfully fun it is to accuse THEM of all manner of misdeeds and debauchery when they come down with something whether it be the flu, a cold, or more serious like cancer -which must mean their sins were REALLY bad.

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There was a young woman in our church from that same time (years ago) who hit a guy on a bicycle. He was drunk and swerved in front of her. She hit and killed him. She was told (by that same elder) that it happened because of her uncut hair. If she would have stopped cutting her hair God would have protected her from killing that man.

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A lot of us were taught this same thing Amanah. We were unwitting products of what we learned. I can think of many mistakes I made because of what I was taught. And if what we spoke did not reflect what we were taught, then it was considered to be disobedience or not having faith.

I just pray that God has mercy upon all of us humans who unwittingly misrepresent Him. Many who mature start to read what is in the Bible for themselves and see the contrast of what we were taught and what the Bible actually contains.

What is important is that we continue to grow and learn from our mistakes. I've made plenty.

I agree.

Some people wonder why there are so many unchurched out here in America. They wonder why people have the same beliefs as outlined in the Bible, but will not attend their local fellowship. When the local fellowship learns to stop being so abusive over "standards" and their own convictions that others do not share, and preach Christ and the shed blood...there will be great revival.

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Well, when sickness or troubles or whatever happen to anyone in the ministry... it is considered a trial of their faith, but if it should happen to anyone else, the Lord is punishing them for some wrongdoing - that mentality is what I grew up under... the ministry exempt from any "punishment" from sin and it is just a trial of their faith, but common saints in the church were somehow sinning because of the troubles in their life....

What terrible misconceptions people have lived under, and still do ... including some of my family members!

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I heard that when the ministry was sick not only were they simply being tested, but the saints were STILL sinning for not holding the pastors arms up. The church members were screwed either way.

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Something tells me this particular elder was just a barrel of laughs to be around. I'm sure everyone left his/her presence feeling just a little better about themselves and looking at the world a little clearer, and having a bit more hop in their steps. :)

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LOL! Not really funny, but true.

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Wow, unbelievable!!!... yet believable, because I have witnessed that kind of judgmental mentality.

A scripture comes to mind to refute this mentality "It rains on the just and the unjust alike"

Just because we have received the spirit of God into our hearts doesn't protect us from any sorrows that come from being a part of this world.

It is an elitist and legalist idea that by performing works pleasing to God that we will somehow be spared from any pain or suffering in this world, which is hogwash... just read Acts and come back and tell me how the apostles were spared from any pain, sorrow, or suffering...

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The only thing that keeps these type of people from driving me mentally insane is humor -usually at their expense. OK, not usually, always at their expense. It is great fun, as well as rewarding, to get under the skin and know that you can make an off hand comment (although very calculated) that will keep them awake most of the night gritting their teeth in pure anger. LOL

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I love it RW - keep it up!!! :highfive

I agree, humor helps when you realize you just can't reason with.... stupidity and sometimes even with ignorance....

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Well...if one actually believes what these people say, then they will go mentally insane.

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I was a whacko variety ultra con for 13 years before I escaped.