Facebook & Divorces
 

"Facebook is being cited as a major factor in marriage breakdowns. More attorneys every year are using the site as evidence in divorce proceedings. An online study from a United Kingdom website found Facebook to be the driving force behind a third of divorces in which unreasonable behavior was a factor."


"Attorneys, Pastors see rise in divorces linked to social media"


"...people are looking up old flames or finding new ones in common interest groups on Facebook and other sites like it."
(My wife and I know a few people this has happened to).





I found this interesting...though not incredibly surprising.

http://www.ky3.com/news/ky3-attorney...,7155518.story

I'm not suprised.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Before Facebook it was World of Warcraft. Any new technology coming down the pike will be the next big thing to break up marriages.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I am not surprised either, though I think the social media is only an enabling vehicle and not the "cause" of divorce.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

If a person is not willing to forsake all others, then their marriage is going to founder eventually. It will be a coworker, old flame on FB, someone met in a chat room, or a person in you e-mail.

This was why I cut ties to my ex-girlfriend. I did not want my name coming up in any split in her marriage. I do know that eventually her marriage ended, and I can not be held as being responsible as I was not in contact with her.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

30 percent of their business which was 5000 divorces,dont know how that extrapolates to the rest of the world.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

It's all in what you are looking for in the first place, I have 62 people friended on facebook, broken down as follows:

7 family members
35 people I know from my previous and current church
3 friends from work
5 people I know from online gaming
8 people I know from AFF
1 hairdresser
1 friend of family
2 people I met on facebook, both are apostolic

none of these people are looking for an affair, or a divorce that I am aware of.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

:thumbsup:thumbsup

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I think it's good of a news station, (as well as pastors interviewed) to bring this concern to public awareness.

I'd say for the most part, folks that use media as a venue for their corrupt heart, were going to find some sort of venue to fullfill their "corruptness" at some point in time, eventually, media just made things easier/faster.

No doubt there has also been many (w/o a corrupt heart) that carelessly/innocently allowed an old friend to become a media friend, one thing led to another, engaging in personal conversation, now they look back and wonder how they didn't see that coming after their family was destroyed because of allowing and engaging in personal conversation with another person...I can feel somewhat sorry for these....

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Good move bro.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

As pastors, we have had to deal with FB affairs. Hoovie is right - it's what's in the heart that causes it, but things like FB make it easier to secretly get involved, at least at an emotional level.

And now there's that crazy site for people who are married and want to have affairs!! I read an interview about the guy who he and his wife started the site, and he said that he had been happily married eight years and he would never have an affair, but he was just "meeting a need in society". How sick!

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I have contact with my church friends on facebook.
I also have contact with family members that I like.
I do not have contact with my x wife as I am looking for a new wife who is single.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

The heart is deceitful above all things, and we are to guard our hearts carefully. FB has become an easy avenue out of a bad situation, and has really enhanced the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. People make out their lives and personalities to be so much different on a screen, but it real life things are totally different.

Because people can be someone totally different on a screen than they are in real life, and then you have someone in a bad situation, unhappy with their marriage or whatever, they are more prone to fall easily into the trap that so-and-so on FB would make their life better.

I believe you Amanah when you say you have just close family and friends for contacts, and I know you can use FB wisely.

I think what is happening here, is that we are trying to make aware the inherent dangers in FB, and a big warning sign to flash in your mind if someone should ever begin to reach out in a way to you that would signal more than just friendship.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Good post! And while a woman may feel totally flattered by a man's attention, she needs to realize that if a man is making her feel special, he is more than likely, on-line, making someone else feel just as special. She's delusional if she believes otherwise.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Yes, a very good point also! There is no "accountability" really in the FB thing... You can be whoever you want to be to whomever you want... and the real life scenario has nothing to do with who you are on screen...

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Yes, that is true and in more places than just FB - could be email, or even texting. But, even if you do get to know someone, there is always a trust factor that isn't totally there for either party, It's just a given, IMO.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I work with a woman who had an affair with someone from the internet. She would actually sit talking to her husband with her laptop in her lap IMing stuff to her internet lover. How weird to be able to carry on like that without leaving home. They were pretty hot and heavy before they ever met in real life. She managed to spend some motel time with him but could not get away for an overnight. It became obvious that he did not plan to leave his wife and was searching out other booty calls so she broke it off and stayed with her spouse who is still in the dark. I don't think she could have ever pulled it off without benefit of the internet.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

What a skank. :smack
He's a skank too. :smack

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

What a sad sad story!!! And it seems like stories like these are becoming more, and more the norm when marriages begin to break up.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I don't blame FB. This "trend" only reveals what is in the heart of man.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

It's not facebook's fault, facebook only provides an easier outlet for these things to happen. If it were facebook's fault, then it would have to be all social media, even the entire internet's fault. You have the tools to make anything your heart desires happen, it takes your decision to act.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Sadly, my family has had experience with a family member cheating over the internet. I can not get into specifics because of the nature of the situation. It was just sad.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Have you ever had the urge to tell the husband? I probably wouldn't be wise but would be very very tempting.....

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Being cheated on is the worst kind of hurt. This is probably why Jesus gave a way out in this specific situation since He knew that such an extreme abuse of trust would be so difficult to fully heal from. Not that HE can't forgive, or even the spouse, but it is very difficult to trust the individual in a way required for a marriage to work.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Your right. A person could even say it is the telephones fault.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Everyone at work knows about it... there were some pretty squirmy folks when she brought him to the Christmas party... but me personally tell him...no. Working where I do I know many more of people's deepest secrets than I want too. I pray for them but I do not tattle on them. God sees all, I have to let Him deal with it. She appears to regret it and is really trying to make up for what she has done. When she saw the other fellow for what he really was I think that all of the small flaws in her own husband became invisible and she began to realize what a decent guy he really is and that romance is often shallow. The shame will be if it comes out later.

Marriages can survive infidelity and can even be made stronger from it as from any crisis. True forgiveness is a powerful thing and true love is even more powerful than that. Most cheating, believe it or not, has little to do with the one being cheated on and everything to do with the cheater's issues... Sometimes low self esteem or the feeling that every good thing in life has passed them by or... Of course there is the opportunist who will just do it to do it but they are more rare.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

If you ever want to know all the secrets work in the IT department. :)

As far as marriages being stronger as a result of infidelity, I have a hard time believing that. I guess it is possible, but would be far from the course. If she DOESN'T tell him, then the leading female in the book, The Scarlet Letter, comes to mind. Actually not her, but the minister who cheated with her and never told anyone, and who's guilt eventually wore him out.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I will say that until the spouse of the relative walked out the door, the possiblity for reconcilliation was available. Sadly they chose to leave, and the rest as they say is history. I do not really want to say more as this individual has prayed back through. That is part of the reason that I am saying as little as possible about this. They do not need to have their names tarnished over this now that they are walking right (at least to the best of my knowledge).

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Randy everything is not always black and white as you well know. The reason that marriages can become stronger after an affair is because when there is an affair there has often been a breakdown of the marriage for a long time. Communication has been lost, spouses do not feel loved or loving, someone or both someones are being taken for granted or under appreciated. Once something like this happens it can give the cheating spouse or both spouses, if there is discovery, a chance to reevaluate the marriage and decide if it is worth hanging on to.

The woman I work with is just one example. She married young because she was romantically in love and had two kids almost immediately. Her husband works A LOT to support the family but does not make enough to pay all of their bills so she works too. They didn't spend much time together and when they were together it was all about logistics... bill paying, arranging the kids stuff, blah, blah and they fought in the classic power struggle way of couples who are both exhausted and unfulfilled. She got romanced by a con artist lover on the internet. She was inexperienced and vulnerable and yes, she cheated. It could have been him, he was just as disappointed and detached from the marriage.

The lesson for her appears to be that her husband is a good guy doing his best to love her and their family in the only way he knows how. It might not be very romantic but it's still worth something... she now sees it as valuable, even priceless. We have talked about it a lot and personally I do not think she should share. It will alleviate her guilt, yes, but what will it do to her husband and to her family as a whole. Her husband is a proud man, not the overly intellectual type and pretty macho. I think he will feel as if he has no choice but to divorce.

My first husband was caught cheating. I divorced him because I didn't understand that there was any other way to work that out. I can't say I regret it because I have been happily remarried 28 years... but if Don were to have some crisis and be unfaithful I can not say that I would do the same thing today. I believe I would do my best to honor my vows whether or not he perfectly honors his. Fortunately Don has loved me though all my imperfections, which are many, and I am confident that we are not in danger of an affair. However, I take lessons from those who do get ensnared about how not to treat my marriage as should everyone.

I would say if you are engaged in anything arousing with a person who is not your spouse, whether online or in person, it is a good sign that you are in serious danger and should run. And if you are not feeling the love in your marriage it is time for some godly counseling.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I just read a book called the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It deals with many of the reasons adultery occurs in a marriage, because the love languages spoken in a marriage, may not be understood by the spouse. It is a great read, and the light came on for me while reading, and understanding why so many people have trouble communicating in a marriage, because the way they want love to be shown to them, never happens, and it leaves them lonely and miserable.

In your friend's case, her husband may be a man who shows his love by working hard and maybe he has the language of "Acts of Service" where he thinks, as long as he is working hard and providing for his family, he is showing his love.

The wife, it appears, needs Quality Time and perhaps Words of Affirmation to feel that she is loved, and so both of them are miserably existing together because their efforts at showing love to each other aren't being received, and neither feel loved.

This is a great book, and maybe you could suggest it to your friend, or at least that she get godly counseling as you said, because it appears that a Band-Aid has been put on the sitaution for now, but until the root of the problem is dealt with, she is likely to have to deal with this issue again in the future, despite her best intentions...

I will be praying for your friend T2W, as I do believe marriages can be healed, and be stronger in a situation like this, as you can learn from your mistakes. But it does take a strong faith in God to overcome infidelity and have a happy love filled marriage.

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

KBTW, I just read the reviews on Amazon and ordered her a copy which I deliver right after I read it :)

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

Great! I think its a book all married couples could learn from....

Re: Facebook & Divorces
 

I have (or at least read) this book.

I believe Gary Chapman's book is a Christian variation of the other similar books on the Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Melancholic temperament types.