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CC1 06-17-2012 10:57 AM
Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
I thought it might be time again to start a thread about funny things preachers have said or funny things that have happened in church.

Last Sunday at our 11 am service (I missed this because I attend the 9 am service) our Pastor told the congregation " Bill Gates wants to destroy all of Malaysia!"

When he saw many looks of confusion and the tech team at the back bent over laughing he realized what he had said when he meant to say "Bill Gates wants to destroy all of Malaria":heeheehee:happydance:highfive

CC1 06-18-2012 07:37 AM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Wow, I can' believe this thread was started several days ago and not one single post on it other than my one starting it.

Surely some of you have had funny things said or happen in church lately?

Timmy 06-18-2012 09:15 AM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Real preachers never say funny things. :lol

CC1 06-18-2012 09:18 AM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmy (Post 1168730)
Real preachers never say funny things. :lol
Yup. When you are preaching "under the annointing" it is that "holy breath" thing into the microphone that keeps you from messing up.:happydance

Sam 06-18-2012 12:13 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
One Sunday night in his sermon our ALJC pastor said, "The Bible says that a man is supposed to be clean shaven."

When we left after that service we never went back.
We had been a part of that church for about 15 years.

Timmy 06-18-2012 12:26 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam (Post 1168762)
One Sunday night in his sermon our ALJC pastor said, "The Bible says that a man is supposed to be clean shaven."

When we left after that service we never went back.
We had been a part of that church for about 15 years.
Ya call that funny? :lol

Aquila 06-18-2012 12:33 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
We used to sing a song with the lyrics,
"Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith. You don't need a whole lot, just use what you got. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith."
Well a preacher in our church would switch up the words with things like
"Fire, fire, fire, Holy Ghost fire. Fire, fire, fire, Holy Ghost fire. You don't need a whole lot..."
Well one night he started singing...
"Truth, truth, truth, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH. Truth, truth, truth, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH. YOU DON'T NEED A WHOLE LOT. JUST USE WHAT YOU GOT. TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH"
LOL

RandyWayne 06-18-2012 12:48 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquila (Post 1168768)
We used to sing a song with the lyrics,
"Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith. You don't need a whole lot, just use what you got. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith."
Well a preacher in our church would switch up the words with things like
"Fire, fire, fire, Holy Ghost fire. Fire, fire, fire, Holy Ghost fire. You don't need a whole lot..."
Well one night he started singing...
"Truth, truth, truth, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH. Truth, truth, truth, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH. YOU DON'T NEED A WHOLE LOT. JUST USE WHAT YOU GOT. TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH"
LOL
It's really really really funny when people pick a word and say it over and over again. Really really really really funny!

At least I remember people smiling a whole whole whole whole lot when ever we sang a song like that. :) :) :) :)

Aquila 06-18-2012 01:14 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RandyWayne (Post 1168769)
It's really really really funny when people pick a word and say it over and over again. Really really really really funny!

At least I remember people smiling a whole whole whole whole lot when ever we sang a song like that. :) :) :) :)
ROFL!!!

:yourock

Aquila 06-18-2012 01:15 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Truth, truth truth... in my church you didn't need a whole lot. Y'a just used what you got. lol

Margies3 06-18-2012 01:16 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
As young people in the church we used to butcher songs (on purpose):

"Temptations, hidden snares, often take our underwear" (instead of take us unaware)

"Weeelllllllll, I wouldn't take nothin' for my jersey cow, gotta make it to the barn somehow."

We had LOTS. I could go on and on. But this about funny things that the preacher has said. hmmm..................

CC1 06-18-2012 02:30 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Margies3 (Post 1168775)
As young people in the church we used to butcher songs (on purpose):

"Temptations, hidden snares, often take our underwear" (instead of take us unaware)

"Weeelllllllll, I wouldn't take nothin' for my jersey cow, gotta make it to the barn somehow."

We had LOTS. I could go on and on. But this about funny things that the preacher has said. hmmm..................
Ohhhh....this post made me think of a funny one from my Bible College days but I can't post it because if there were any big fat girls in a blue tight sweater reading they might be offended. This had to do with changing the words to a chorus about not liking anything better than Gods children getting together.

Pressing-On 06-18-2012 02:38 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Margies3 (Post 1168775)
As young people in the church we used to butcher songs (on purpose):

"Temptations, hidden snares, often take our underwear" (instead of take us unaware)

"Weeelllllllll, I wouldn't take nothin' for my jersey cow, gotta make it to the barn somehow."

We had LOTS. I could go on and on. But this about funny things that the preacher has said. hmmm..................
My husband does that A LOT.

On the resurrection morning
When all the dead in Christ shall rise
I'll have a new body
Praise the Lord, I'll have a new life

EXCEPT this is his version:

On the resurrection morning
When all the dead in Christ shall rise
I'll have a new body
Praise the Lord, I'll have a new wife


AND

Glory jalapeno, I shall not be moved :sing

:heeheehee

Sam 06-18-2012 03:51 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Margies3 (Post 1168775)
As young people in the church we used to butcher songs (on purpose):

"Temptations, hidden snares, often take our underwear" (instead of take us unaware)

"Weeelllllllll, I wouldn't take nothin' for my jersey cow, gotta make it to the barn somehow."

We had LOTS. I could go on and on. But this about funny things that the preacher has said. hmmm..................
and then there was the Easter song about "Let us have a little chocolate Jesus" and the poor old bound up bear with bad eyes as in "the constipated cross-eyed bear"

KeptByTheWord 06-28-2012 09:14 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
I remember a wonderful European man who was ministering at our church for a time who had a heavy German accent. One night, after he had preached his message, he went on to remind the congregation for an upcoming event where he said "Don't miss it, there will be food, fun, and fornication (he meant to say fortification) .... there was a dead awful silence in the building as he looked around in surprise, completely bewildered by the stunned looks on everyone's faces... it took him a few minutes to hear someone say fortification, not fornication... what a great laugh for all of us then as he realized his mistake, and what a way to invite everyone to the next fellowship. I don't think anyone in the building that night will ever forget it.... and we probably all made it to that event after that memorable invitation!!!! LOL!

Sam 06-28-2012 09:20 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KeptByTheWord (Post 1171417)
I remember a wonderful European man who was ministering at our church for a time who had a heavy German accent. One night, after he had preached his message, he went on to remind the congregation for an upcoming event where he said "Don't miss it, there will be food, fun, and fornication (he meant to say fortification) .... there was a dead awful silence in the building as he looked around in surprise, completely bewildered by the stunned looks on everyone's faces... it took him a few minutes to hear someone say fortification, not fornication... what a great laugh for all of us then as he realized his mistake, and what a way to invite everyone to the next fellowship. I don't think anyone in the building that night will ever forget it.... and we probably all made it to that event after that memorable invitation!!!! LOL!
yeah but think of the disappointment for those who came for the fornication

Sam 06-28-2012 09:24 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
One time preaching I said, "we have this treasure in earthel vessens" instead of earthen vessels

Then there is the classic tale that supposedly happened in the Chapel at PBI (Pentecostal Bible Institute) in Tupelo.

The minister (I think a visiting Dist. Supt.) stepped to the pulpit and began to rummage and fumble around in his pockets and said, "Turn to the Book of Glasses while I search for my Peter."

seekerman 06-28-2012 09:36 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Heard a preacher say he was going to preach out of Philippines. Everybody thought maybe he was talking about a missions trip until he started reading out of Philippians.

KeptByTheWord 06-28-2012 11:33 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam (Post 1171423)
yeah but think of the disappointment for those who came for the fornication
Well, it sure made for good entertainment... You can be sure this poor guy's ears were red the whole time!!! That was entertainment enough... LOL! :heeheehee

Titus2woman 06-29-2012 06:30 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Whoops, double post.

Titus2woman 06-29-2012 06:38 PM
Re: Funny Things Preachers Have Said
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquila (Post 1168768)
We used to sing a song with the lyrics,
"Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith. You don't need a whole lot, just use what you got. Faith, faith, faith, just a little bit of faith."
Well a preacher in our church would switch up the words with things like
"Fire, fire, fire, Holy Ghost fire. Fire, fire, fire, Holy Ghost fire. You don't need a whole lot..."
Well one night he started singing...
"Truth, truth, truth, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH. Truth, truth, truth, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH. YOU DON'T NEED A WHOLE LOT. JUST USE WHAT YOU GOT. TRUTH, TRUTH, TRUTH, JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH"
LOL
And that might have been the most truth he ever spoke, LOL!

I'm not sure about funny but I've heard some bizarre stories... The one about the woman who threw her long uncut hair over her dead husband and brought him back to life was creepy/funny...


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