Lust?
 

I once saw a private survey of what they struggled with most with results seem to show like 80 to 90% confessed what they struggle with most was lust.

How many here have had the same struggle? If you overcame what did you do or not do?

This referring to sexual lust or wandering eyes.

Re: Lust?
 

I'm extremely surprised that this thread doesn't have a few dozen replies already! :heeheehee

Re: Lust?
 

There's only one of me...

Re: Lust?
 

Every man can affirm.

NEXT»

Re: Lust?
 

I think most honest men will admit that this is a struggle at some point in their walk with Christ.

I read a book titled God's Gift of Sex. In the book the author talks about the difference between "lust" and "fantasy". The author goes on to say that "fantasy" is perfectly normal and can be very healthy. Fantasies are distinguished from lust in that the one with the fantasy would NEVER act on the fantasy in real life. However, "lust" is the actual desire to act on an impulse to fulfill said desire.

For example...

A person fantasizes about a person they adore, a movie star, the one they are about to marry, or a given scenereo... but would be absolutely humiliated if the fantasy was discovered. They'd never act on it. They know such action would destroy their witness or family. It's just a fantasy.

But... let's say a person is at an office party and sees a coworker that they are attracted to. They have great conversation and the first person begins to imagine using them to gratify their desires. So the first person begins to cultivate a friendship with the intent to eventually seduce. This is "lust". They've committed adultery in their heart though they have yet to seduce the other party.

Jesus said,

Matthew 5:28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Notice Jesus says, "Whosoever looketh upon a woman TO LUST AFTER HER..." Notice that there is a purpose and intent in the gaze. This is more than admiration of her beauty, attraction, curiosity, interest, love, or fantasy. This is a man looking upon a woman with the very purpose of fulfilling his desire with her. The one looking has determined that he will seduce her at the soonest opportunity. Although he hasn't yet done the deed... he has commited adultery in his heart.

This position can bring clarity to a very troubling and confusing subject. I mean... who would tell a young couple who are engaged that desire for or fantasy about their soon to be husband or wife was unholy? Who would ridicule a young person who is just discovering their sexuality that a fantasy about a model or celebrity was abnormal or unhealthy? Who would judge a person whose spouse has a long term illness, is incarcerated, on military deployment, or has a significantly lower libido, that their own needs, fantasy, or interests are sinful if they'd NEVER truly act on said things?

I don't believe that God intended for Christians to be asexual beings. I do believe that God intends married people to focus their sexual interests upon their mate and their mate's sexual needs and interests. Yet there are complexities that come from living in a fallen and broken world where relationships, health, etc. are not always what they were intended to be. Therefore I'd offer much grace, understanding, and patience with regards to a person's sexuality. Often a repressed sexuality can lead to more serious psychological and emotional conditions. Therefore, I believe that there must be a healthy and natural manner of sexual expression for both singles and marrieds with relation to their specific needs and circumstances. Without this, the perfectly healthy and normal Christian (male or female) may find themselves walking under undo guilt and condemnation. Weapons used by the enemy to separate believers from their faith. What a shame it is that so many Christians have walked away from the faith under a sense of unnecessary condemnation when in fact their sexuality was quite normal and healthy.

When the intent of the heart is considered, a much needed balance is brought to this topic and a healthy sexuality can be cultivated leaving our sexuality redeemed.

Re: Lust?
 

Maybe if anonymous there would be more

Re: Lust?
 

Agreed.

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Not sure I buy the fantasy thing. very hard to fantasies about a hot coworker without lust. Isn't lust foundation of a fantasy?

Re: Lust?
 

I still struggle with naked elbows and chunky ankles that's why we left UPC :smack

Re: Lust?
 

I think not having freedom to share our struggles is one of the biggest set backs of the church. you agree?

Re: Lust?
 

Very true! Many churches do Celebrate Recovery.

Re: Lust?
 

Do you ever struggle with lust or wandering eyes?

Re: Lust?
 

100%. Theoretically, we should be able to confess our faults one to another.....but, too many people have been burned by doing that, and also it seems that Apostolics are encouraged to put on a facade that everything is ok.......

Re: Lust?
 

Honestly I have been blessed because that was one of the things that seemingly was removed when I got saved. I have other sin but that is not one. I try to be careful with my eyes and what I feast on.

Re: Lust?
 

Your wife must be reading this thread! :happydance

Re: Lust?
 

True

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I love my wife so much!:paranoid

Re: Lust?
 

For pastors, it's especially tough, because in most cases, their jobs ride on their moral purity.....so, to confess to a brother, or District Superintendent that you are struggling with lust would be akin to me telling my boss at Kellogg's that I really like Cheerios better than Special K, and am thinking of buying them this weekend when I go to the store!

Re: Lust?
 

The key is... do you really want to have her... or is it merely a fantasy?

Lust? I don't know. That's the point. It depends on how one defines lust. If "lust" is attraction and interest... then yes... anytime you have a sexual thought or image about an attractive person you'd be sexually interested in is lust. However, if lust equates to inordinate "desire"... most don't actually "desire" their fantasies to come true. So... according to the authors of the book I read... fantasies aren't "lust".

Re: Lust?
 

LOL

Re: Lust?
 

I couldn't marry a woman I couldn't fantasize about. lol

Most married folks would admit, they fantasized about their spouse before they were married. Most just couldn't wait for their honeymoon. Even in the Song of Solomon the lovers are fantasizing like crazy up until the wedding.

Re: Lust?
 

Well, there was this one time..... :gaga :heeheehee

Re: Lust?
 

Yes, we should be able to share these things. 'Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another...'

I'm not sure I buy the fantasy vs lust thing either, because pornography falls into that fantasy category, and therefore would be considered acceptable behavior. I think even many non-Christians would agree that pornography is damaging.

Better, I think, is to acknowledge that a lust problem is a symptom of a disconnect between your spirit and God's. Walk humbly with God, feeding the spiritual man and denying the flesh, and you will notice your lust problem fade away. Sexual desire will always be there, but it doesn't have to be a raging lion or a ring in the bull's snout. For men, uncontrolled anger or lust are indicators that our relationship with God needs tending to.

Galations 5:13-25
13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Lust is a small thing to conquer, in comparison to the other matters of the heart. A child of God is not bound by addictions, and the chains of addiction are easily broken (of course, many go back to old habits or pick up old chains, which is another matter). What is a more tedious process is taking out the deep-seated problems of the heart and replacing them with the fruit of the Spirit. Or maybe you don't think you have many deep-seated problems, but does your heart overflow with the fruit of the Spirit? If not, why not? Look at your own heart and ask yourself if you have love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, and so on. In your quest to find what is lacking you will begin to walk in the Spirit and old temptations and desires will become nothing.

Walking in the Spirit is not easy, of course. The 'straight and narrow' path wouldn't be straight and narrow and many would find it, if it were as easy as checking off a list of rules or a string of beads. Walking in the Spirit is possible if you are in regular communication with God, if you pass up things the world finds acceptable (R-rated movies with 'triggers', for instance), and if you pay close attention to the condition of your heart more than you worry about fulfilling a list of standards. Once you find yourself in deep conversation with God about why you seem to lack love for your neighbor, rather than the length of your skirt or sleeves, or the repetition of a certain catechism, you're probably on the right track.

One thing to remember: no man is perfect, and every man is susceptible to a moral failing, at all levels of the kingdom of God. Always be humble and pray that God will give you grace to escape in a time of temptation, pity brothers who have succumbed, and encourage them to get back up.

Re: Lust?
 

Desire is a sense of longing for a person or object or hoping for an outcome.

Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body.

Try again. :D

Re: Lust?
 

Hold on, let me start the tape recorder......ok, continue, please! :heeheehee

Re: Lust?
 

But, couldn't one lust for one's legal partner?

Re: Lust?
 

Oh, snap! :toofunny

Re: Lust?
 

Good post and I totally agree, but especially wanted to point out what you wrote in the quotes. I believe not finding someone you totally trust and knowing, yourself, that it is your problem, having a disconnect between your spirit and God's is why some people keep these things to themselves.

I remember Kirk Franklin sharing his testimony about his addiction to porn and how he loved his wife and trusted that she would stand by his side and help him overcome that addiction. I think that is a wonderful thing to have someone who you can bear your shortcomings and failings with and to know they will be there through thick or thin. I am hoping with the entertainment industry he is involved in, he can stay clean.

Re: Lust?
 

We all need someone to confide in.