Pastor's Kids
 

I am copying this from something I wrote on the tattoo thread - I thought it would make a good discussion starter on what is expected of the pastor's kids.

I think it was Rev. Randy who said that if Pastor's kids got tattoos (or whatever) and it was accepted, others would start to also. Well, my kids are NO DIFFERENT than anyone else's kids in church and they should not be made to feel like examples. That's one thing that drove my daughter away from church for a couple of years when she was about 17. She was so tired of being everyone's example, even though we never consciously tried to make her into that. No more should be expected of Pastor's kids than anyone else's, in my opinion. They did not choose the life of ministry; we did.

When my son came along six years later, we went overboard to let him know that he is the same as everyone else and no more is expected of him. He has never strayed from God and has a much healthier view of ministry at 18 than she did. At the church we pastor now in Jackson, probably half of the congregation or more do not even know that he is our son, and he is FINE with that.

:popcorn2

Pastor's kids are of the devil. :)

Oooh, I reverse that curse!:club

:D

My poor kids sometimes have been picked apart...but somehow we get them taped back up!

Here is the usual problem. A PK does something, does not get the same sort of reprimand or "sitting" down that non PK kids get. Other kids then feel if they can do it and it's ok then so can we.

Perhaps then it's not necessarily the kids themselves but the pastors that let them slide.

Then the problem with saying they are the same with everyone else is the PKs then just want to be like the others, but if the others are carnal....well there you go. What would be ideal is for all PKs and non PKs to all strive to be examples to each other and to the unbelievers

We never put a lot of pressure on our kids because they were the "pastor's kids" but we did remind them from time to time that there was some responsibility that came with that. There was also some privilege and we reminded them of that occasionally.

They recognize that they had opportunity to go places and experience things that most kids in the congregation certainly never did. They don't harbour any resentment or have "issues" about growing up in a pastor's home as far as I know.

Good post Felicity.


A PK does something, does not get the same sort of reprimand or "sitting" down that non PK kids get.

You're right. It's usually worse for the PK ..

My dad always told the congregation that his kids were just as normal as everyone else. He also told them that his kids were not examples. I think that kept a lot of pressure off of us.

I just know that my JCM class was composed of over 50% Pastor's children. They had issues. Many issues. Many of the reasons for this were:

#1. The parents were taught the works of the church came before their children.
#2. Their children were ignored and pampered instead of loved and disciplined.
#3. They were expected to be better than any of the other children which set them up to fail.
#4. Ministry was put on a pedestal that isn't Biblical nor right.

I felt so bad for PK's after listening to their 'issues' in our personal relationships classes.

My observations and views,
Rhoni

Sounds like you have a very healthy family Sherri. I think our pastor and his wife must to a similar thing with their kids, because they are just great kids and they allow them to be just that...kids!

pastors kids learn everything from the evil saints kids!!:club:club

Whether or not the kids are good...bad...or indiffrent... generally they are a part of leadership whether they ask for it or not...

It's just that way in church.. Sad to say Many pastors put unrealistic expectations on their kids so much so it drives them away from the church.. not to mention the expectations put on them by the saints of the church...

My dad always drilled into us that fact that we represented him... and I in my own life begin to hate living that way..

Being a PK is a blessing and a curse at times...

but the truth is what the PK does there will be others that follow.. good or bad...

Could be....but I hate that kind of pressure. That's why Zac keeps a very low profile at this church. Like I said, the church is new (5 yr) and has grown so fast, alot of people don't even know we have a son at home. He loves it!!

We have always told them how fortunate they are though that they get perks that other kids don't get....lots of vacations and trips to great places. They see that alot more as they get older.

I was not a PK, so I don't really understand how they feel. I chose this life as a PW, so I'm fine with my role.

Agreed..

I highly offended someone when I was a teenager by saying PK's learn from the saints kids. For some reason, she was offended that I said "saints kids." I never understood it. Oh well...

You're right... usually worse... not in front of people or publically made known... as some might like it to be... but it usually is worse for PK.

But the truth is that if the pastor kid do it other will too. I am a pastor and have pastored for 24 years. I have told my kids that "you must go a little further, do a little more, have a little higher standards than other".

I used to remind the church that my kids were not their kids example (still do every so often but it is not as necessary now). I have refused to have the "live in a glass house" syndrom and such. I had someone come up to me one time (back in our uPC days) and went on about how my kid needed to do this or that because they needed to set an example for the other kids. My reply, "You can forget that. You are your kids example and if they turn out rotten then you have yourself to blame first, but you will never blame my kids for your kids behavior."

I do not face it like that now that we have left the UPC.

I refuse to let the "saints" place such expectations on my family period. I do not live every day worrying about it like that. We are people, working in the kingdom of God.

I think the main problem with this is when a pastor preaches so hard, and places so many rules on the congregation, that there is a lot of pressure on his family to tow the line. How can he whip the people into the submission of treading water when his own kids don't walk on water.

No offense intended but to me this is a shame. I don't get it at all. To me it has more to do with pride and control than it does godliness.

You represented HIM and not CHRIST?

No wonder you hated it. It was not as unto the Lord, it was just to put on a show for men...this is not right IMO.

T1...

I have many friends who aren't serving God now who were brought up very strict...

Well my kids are very active in the church, my daughter is a praise singer and our main special singer, my son plays the drums and works in outreach. Anyone on the platform should be en example.

Preachers and their families do live in a glass house, especially in a small community.

Me too...

Preacher kids and saints kids end up in the same ditch when they are forced to follow stuff that makes no sense just for the show of it.

How many of these grow up and just say, "Forget God". When in reality they never did it for Him, they only did it so the parents could parade tham across the front of the church...

I have a couple of girls who's mom would grab their hair in Walmart, get a strangers attention, and say, "Look at this uncut hair (it went to their ankles)...it is God's glory." The girls hated it with a passion!

True.. But I don't have the relationship for whatever reasons with them I think we could have had..

and I'm fairly more liberal than my dad....

I am thankful that your kids are involved and active...praise God!

I have discovered that the glass house syndrom is only as big as you allow it to be. I do not allow intrusions into my personal life...but I do not pastor in such a way as to intrude into the personal lives of the people either...

I am not afraid to say, "That is a private family matter."

But I also don't make unexpected house calls and it is pretty much known that I do not appreciate them either. I also do not share every thing about my family while I preach. Nor do I use them as "examples" in a "look at my kids" kind of way.

:club:club

:highfive

I pastor country people and they like to drop by for coffee, we live nest door to the church right now. We are trying to find property though. I want them to feel welcome anytime.

I drop by their house anytime I want to and they enjoy the visits.

You mean I can't drop by for coffee and a slice of pie?

I am not condemning you in this...I simply do not want to do it like that...and I have less problems with the glass house syndrom as a result.

Well that would never work out here with country folks.

It wouldn't work with me either, if the pastor is off limits to me and I'm not good enough to come in his house, then he's not good enough to get my hard earned tithes.

I agree with this. Fair or not, it is the way it is. I was a pastor's daughter for many of my pre-teen/teen years and I, along with my sisters, was constantly under the microscope. We represented my father. I don't think it has anything to do with not representing God as someone mentioned before. We all must represent God, but children are often considered a representation of their parents as well (i.e. how they were raised, etc). To this day, if myself or one of my sisters do something contrary to the word of God, I am grieved not only because of the disappointment I/they have caused God, but also because of the disrespect it shows to my father, who taught us the truth we know and love. No we didn't choose the life of ministry, but then neither did my parents. GOD chose THEM. They really had no choice if they wanted to be in His will. I don't think a life of a minister is anything someone who has been in that capacity would ever look back and say they would have willingly volunteered for simply because of the scrutiny it puts you under. One of my best friends is our pastor's daughter and she is always held to a higher standard. . .unfair though it may be. I do believe there is a higher expectation of those in the ministry, and this includes their families as well. Just my two cents. . . .