Irreconcilable Differences
 

I used to mock people who made that kind of claim to end a marriage.

Irreconcilable differences.

I used to think that there was no difference so great that a resolution could not be reached. I used to think that the "irreconcilable differences" claim was just an excuse to get out of a marriage, and swap up. But the older I get, the more I realize there really are some differences that cannot be resolved.

Understand that I am not excusing divorce. I still believe that a person has a moral obligation to stand by the vows they made to their spouse, and to God. But I can see how two people can diverge after a while. How life can effect major personality changes. So much so, that a person becomes unrecognizable after a while. This is why quality time in marriage must have its place. It minimizes the differences as people grow together.

I have several questions about "irreconcilable differences".

How should we handle the irreconcilable differences that arise in our lives outside of marriage?
How long do you stay with an employer you are consistently at odds with?
How long do you stay in an organization you disagree with?
How long do you stay in a church that is headed in a different direction than you want to go?

What level of disagreement is tolerable and acceptable? At what point do you cut bait and run?

In reference to marriage...I think "irreconcilable differences" usually is code for: I'm tired of fighting.

Me too.

There are other meanings.

There are two roads folks can take..

They can Grow together...

or they can grow apart...

Folks that grow together foster relationship and usually stick it out..

Folks that grow apart don't foster or nuture the relationship and usually wind up in seperate boats going opposite ways..

it all depends on what one wants to do..

Foster/ Nurture... allows for compromise and pliability in the relationship...

...such as...?

Yep

In Tennessee you can't file for divorce and use adultery for the reason, therefore I had no other choice but Irreconcilable Differences.

NO WAY!!!:club

Wow...that's almost comical...that you can't use adultery, but being too "different" is good enough.

Way - it's a no fault state.


This is a good thread and isn't really about divorce - - let's get it back on track.

The same in the state of Indiana

No Fault Divorce is a tool of satan to destroy homes and marriages.

Tell me about it.

Rhoni, care to take a stab at my questions as posted above?

Amen

I'll try...let me copy and paste...

All relationships require consistent, life-long effort in order to last. From all parties involved. (Regardless of which type of relationship you're referring to.)

To put it very succinctly, "It takes two to tango." Some folks absolutely marry badly, some choose misery and others decide it is not worth it. Some situations are so bad that it is not good for any concerned. This is true of all relationships, there is a time to admit I am better off without this relationship.

When a relative told me that her drunken husband held a gun to her head and threaten to blow it off, I told her she was better off without him.

Can a person change so drastically that you would choose to break fellowship with them? If your job changed it's expectations of you, how long would it take for you to quit? If your church slipped into liberality, how long before you leave?

This is so hard. It's hard to reconcile the truth you've just posted with what the Word says. I would have a hard time telling someone to stay in an abusive relationship.

So, if you believe it takes two to tango do you really believe that in all situations? What did this relative do that "caused" her drunken husband to do this?

Sometimes, it really doesn't take two.

The discussion has been all about marriage- PP you asked about jobs, and church, and organization.

Which of the four did you mean to discuss?

I believe if a person is walking in intimate relationship with the Lord, aka walking in the spirit and not the flesh, they will know when and if the relationship has any hope of restoration or maturing. Some are looking for reasons because they are immature and lacking character. God can change any situation, but it will require tough love in many cases, and sometimes folks are determined to walk in destruction. Some lack the fortitude to confront dysfunction.

Yes.

It would depend on whether or not I could fulfill the expectations, and/or whether or not I would be compensated accordingly and fairly.

It would depend on the specific issues in question, but if certain doctrinal lines were crossed (according to the things my husband and I have agreed upon), we would leave immediately. We consider those lines to be drawn in what is taught and preached over the pulpit and in classrooms. Private and personal viewpoints don't really count...because they can change over the years.

"Immediately" is mainly because we have children who are more impressionable than we are.

I believe that a person can change so drastically that you would choose to break fellowship.

I believe that a job situation could change or your outlook/need/payoff in that job could change enough to make a break.

I also believe your walk with God could change enough to choose to break fellowship also.

Only you and God know when the time is right.

What's the problem, BOOM? He's using them as hypothetical examples.

I can see he's probably wanting more of a discussion on the other situations than making this a divorce thread.

Marriage was just a segway, but if they want to talk about it - fine by me. Maybe it'll be therapeutic for those who have been hurt?

I think the questions I posed were worthy of more play though.

I think talking about divorce with undivorced people can be unproductive at times.

In any relationship there are two sides to every story and a person dealing with a couple will not have a full picture of what's going on until both sides are communicated...

1. Abuse in any situation is grounds for seperation in my opininon... leading to Divorce if necessary.. there is no reason a person should be told to stay in a abusive situation..

2. Adultery is not immediate grounds for a divorce.. Relationships can be worked out even when adultery is involved...

3. Not all pregant unwed mothers should marry the Father of their child... this can lead to major problems..

I think if any two people are willing to do what it takes to make a relationship work any problem can be worked out and the relationship saved...

if only one trys... the relationship is doomed..

Impressive! This was the input I was looking for.

I mean, surely we all have our "jumping off the bandwagon" point.

You're right. "Been there" people have a great deal more compassion than those who haven't been there.

Key point.

If a person is in extreme danger, how can we not intervene? One of my own sisters almost died after fifteen years of an abusive husband, before her pastor and our father realized intervention was required. Their action saved her life, and most likely the spiritual lives of five children, God has restored her and her children's lives. It took the action of those around her in "authority" to literally give her permission to leave. Pastors and fathers you have awesome responsibility.

She was not the person in my previous post.

Texas does not use the term irreconcilable differences in a no-fault divorce ... it simply uses the term INSUPPORTABILITY ...

These were the grounds by which our divorce was filed.

I've been taught this not the grounds for a divorce .... a couple should do whatever is humanly possible to repair a marriage ..... w/ self-denial being key .... while of course, allowing the power of God to intervene.

However, as someone stated ... it takes two to tango ... if one party for whatever reason files for divorce under these terms what can the other party do .....?????

There are many serious consequence for not responding to it ... custody of children, property, etc.

It can also be very productive when someone you know has been through divorce and you are forced to recognize it is a complex issue without simple, trite answers.

Discussion is good. :coffee2

Group Therapy Works!!!!.. It really does when folks can communicate their situations and realize there are other who go thru the same things.. it helps..

I know there are two sides to every story, but I know this situation well. What did she do? She begged him not to drink in front of their children. She cleaned up after him, she covered for him. She enabled him. If she had been better equipped she could have handled better I'm sure, however her life was in danger at that moment.

That is very true and I completely agree.

What you are talking about requires open listening and understanding and not just opinions of the nondivorced that only have the simple, trite answers.

I believe we are on the same page here.