How to deal with cheating husband
 

Just have to know what you think about this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaTPrd_6OGI

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

He's right. He never once syas it is ok that the guy cheated or that she should pretend he didn't. He focusses on things that will restore the marriage rather then dwell on things that destroy. Good word by Pat. Not easy....but good regardless.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

I think it places a little too much responsibility for the husband's actions on the woman (no amount of a happy home will keep a cheater on the straight and narrow). But the idea of refocusing your thoughts to get past a hurt is good advice.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

If a husband cheats and you are tired of fiddling with it, throw him out. There ya go.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

What I hear is "it's the woman's fault." He okay'd it when he said "he's a man." He is telling the woman to fall in love with her husband again. I doubt that is the issue. Not talking about it isn't going to help. That is going to cause it to eat her up inside.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

You're right. He should have said stone him, throw him out, leave your children in a broken home and maintain bitterness and anger in your heart towards him and all men for the rest of your life.

That is so much better than basically saying forgive, get over it, move on and fall in love with him again.

I wonder why divorce is so normal within the church...and then I see the way people act towards a person failing and it becomes clear.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

I agree Nighthawk. Pat could have clarified the same is true in forgiving a woman - husband forgiving his wife.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

If the husband cheats, the home is already broken. But hey, boys will be boys.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

If you watch the video, it states that they have already gone to counselling, which I am POSITIVE invovled the man asking forgiveness and admitting wrong, but this woman just won't let it go and let him move past it. If she won't stop holding it over him...there will never be a restoration. Pat is therefore right. She needs to get over it. If this guy really repented and asked forgiveness and went to counselling, assuming he isn't still being adulterous, then it is on her now. She can't hold his sin over him and ever expect it to work. NOt to mention, sorry if this ticks off the feminists, if she won't let it go and stop holding it over him...the guy will only put up with that for so long before he decides to find love elsewhere.

The same is true if the roles were reversed as well.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

I have to wonder if this is part confession on Pat Robertson's part. I have issues with what he says about men. He acts as if men cannot control themselves and then turns around and talks about a prostitute in a hotel room. Why'd he pick that of all things? LOL I doubt most men who cheat do it with a prostitute.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

He may have just used that example due to the Jim Baker and JImmy Swaggert examples which I am sure he was well aware of.

Hmm..I posted that and then thought" was it JIm Baker? Or was I thinking of someone else"?

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

It is not wrong to forgive and still not trust. There is a reason that cheating is given as a legitimate reason to leave your spouse. The bible doesn't demand it but says it is a valid excuse. The advice to "get over it and move on" while not invalid per say is about the same as telling a mother or father who just lost their first born "you need to move on and have another baby".

That isn't to say there is NO hope for a couple where one or both have cheated but it is just not as easy to work through as some who have never experienced it think it is.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Bingo.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

I feel that he didn't deal with the crux of the issue. Yes, there are ways to restore a marriage broken by adultery. I've seen it happen several times and in those instances, the wife did NOT hold it over the husband. After much heartache and dealing with issues, it was forgiven and they moved on. However, if a spouse is unable to forgive, there is a heart issue that needs to be worked out between them and God. He should have dealt with that rather than saying that men have a "tendency to wander." THAT statement blew my mind. Too much responsibility was put on the wife for keeping him at home.

And RandyWayne - let me clarify something. You are TOTALLY correct! I have seen couples that trust was restored, but I have seen other couples where forgiveness was given but trust was never restored to a place of harmony.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation!

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

If this couple went to Pat when this first happened, and the first words he said were "get over it" I would agree with most of you.

However, this response form Pat is AFTER teh woman tells him that they have already done counselling, so the affair had to have happened some time ago. So after counselling, after some time, the wife is still refusing to let it go and move forward to make the marriage work.

At some point it is let it go and move on, or just file for the divorce. It's worse for everyone invovled to not divorce but instead hold onto that bitterness and anger and let that foul spirit take up residence in your home to infect your kids.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Inclined to agree. Seemed to have some, ahem, intimate knowledge.

Back in the day, Robertson actually wasn't a loon, and didn't let random thoughts flow out of his mouth with no filter.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Now that I agree with.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Made me wonder also.

That was my first thought. He was just rambling.

Now - I'm wondering if it was REAL marital counseling or if it was a pastor telling her: "He has asked for forgiveness and is willing to make this marriage work. Do you want to make it work? If not, you have a Biblical right to divorce him; however, if you don't want a divorce, you need to forgive him and let's move on from here."

I'm paraphrasing what I know for a fact one "counselor" told a young couple after the husband confessed to an affair. There was no getting down to the nitty gritty and really working on things.

Now if it were a REAL counselor and they were able to get to the bottom of the issue, she most likely would be able to forgive. I still say that although it takes a lot of time and effort with LOTS of prayer, true forgiveness can come. If a person can't forgive another (for any transgression), there is something to be worked on in his or her own life. Jesus said we must forgive.

In this particular scenario, this could very well be the issue this woman has: "Withholding forgiveness is a refusal to let go of perceived power. We can feel powerful when the offender is in need of forgiveness and only we can give it. We may fear going back to being powerless if we forgive. "

This quote came from the following website:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marr...storation.aspx

In my opinion - Pat Robertson was way off base and out of line with his answer.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

This was kind of my impression. He said a LOT for someone who had so little facts about a situation that could potentially impact lives of not only this man and woman but also their children and the rest of their families. '

The assumptions were huge and glaring and freaking stereotyping... He assumed that the man was the bread winner and provided everything for the wife who should have plenty of time to be a happy homemaker and sultry seductress... blech! How many women now must work to make bills and barely have time to get dinner on the table? In most families I know now if a man wants more or better sex he better be ready to do the dinner dishes and get the kids their baths.

Mostly my biggest issue is that we would even try to handle life's most trying problems, one's that stretch our faith to the limits, in a few minutes on a TV program, essentially for other's entertainment.... disgusting. When were the elders in our churches reduced to being sound-bites?

As far as adultry goes... forgive if you can, divorce if you can't, it's bible. I don't think counseling should have been over until they were at either one place or the other.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

All the wife's fault! She probably didn't keep her figure while he gained 50 lbs. She must not have kept the house clean, dinner served, laundry washed, and kids in line while he got home and reclined in front of the tv. Or maybe she didn't bake his cake every night of the week. Whatever the problem, it is her fault.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Tell that sister to get over it!

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My marriage is a sad case if my wife feels like she has to do certain things to keep me from cheating. She should do things because I am her husband and any adonrment/make pretty should be based on desire for me as her husband not to keep me right.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

This very situation being discussed is being played out with a couple I know very well. Forgiveness is not so much the issue as the issue of trust. Once trust has been broken, it is very, very hard to rebuild.

Each case and scenario where the cheating takes place is individual and unique. I've have seen quite a few of these situations in the last few years. One family dealt with the husband buying prostitutes. With the Lord's help, that family is still intact, because the husband truly sought repentance and changed his ways sincerely.

Another situation involved a wife who basically prostituted herself out to whomever she met that wanted it, even while she lived a life of ease, and comfort. Her husband loved her deeply though, and begged her for months after it became public what she was doing, to quit, and get help, and stay at home... but she was a "Gomer" and had no interest in quitting, and left her husband and two small children, to go and do the things she wanted to do. With all the prayers, counseling, and begging, she could not be persuaded to change her ways.

In another situation ongoing right now, a husband has cheated on his wife repeatedly for the last ten years, buying prostitutes. He ended his relationship with the Lord about that time (ten years ago), and the wife has stuck with him praying and loving him, even while he wasn't proclaiming to be a Christian. Then just recently, his promiscuous sin was discovered. They are trying to work things out even now. Forgiveness is not so much the issue, but trust is. They both want the marriage to work, she is a prayer warrior, and a loving, beautiful woman. He is dealing with a terrible spirit of lust, and is trying to fight it, not yet really relying on the Lord's help, but yet desiring a change in his life. They still need prayer, so any of you who would be willing to hold this family up in prayer, they desperately need it.

So... what is the answer to the question posed? I don't know for sure, except one thing seems to be central that I've seen in marriages that suffer with a cheating spouse. Without repentance from the guilty party, and a true lifestyle change, and a desire to build trust again, then usually the marriage won't make it. If however, both parties are willing to concede and work on reconciliation, and forgiveness with the Lord's help, there is a greater chance the marriage will survive.

As for Pat R. speel... it kinda made me sick the way the blame seemed to get laid on the woman... that perhaps she hadn't made the home wonderful enough for the husband. I think that was bad advice. Both parties need to be working together to make the home a happy place, not just the wife. Both need to be willing to change their ways, and work together to rebuild the trust in their marriage. And both parties desperately need the help of the Lord to overcome the issues they are facing. Only Jesus is able to bring the peace, love and trust back into a marriage after it has been ripped apart, but both parties need to be seeking Jesus, not just one.. because more than likely, that marriage won't make it if that is the case.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Not buying that Pat Robertson was thinking of someone other than himself with the prostitute thing!

No kidding on that. I thought it was a callous thing to say "get over it and move on". These things take time. It seemed a decent amount of time had passed and she was concerned about the condition of her own soul because she had not forgiven him yet.

His advice was half good and half bad. I do agree with the notion of a woman doing her best to please her husband and and consider the positives of the relationship while trying to forgive. I do not agree with the notion of not talking about it. If it still hurts, which it likely does, she NEEDS to talk about it and get it out of her system.

As a so-called Christian leader who is giving advice out, wouldn't you think the first thing he would say is to pray??? Maybe even fast??

But I guess that's all that could be expected from Pat Robertson. After all, "he's a man" and men are cheaters by nature -- completely carnally-minded with a "tendency to wander" -- according to Pat.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Great point. We really don't know how long they went to counselling or what happened during it. It just seems as if they are no longer getting help.

True, too. Nothing there said she was a homemaker, that he worked, or that they even had any children.

I don't get why anyone would write Pat Robertson for advice either, but, for all I know, it was a question Pat Robertson came up with himself just for the sake of the show. LOL

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Most certainly.

I like what you said about both spouses working on the marriage. That's the only way a marriage can work!

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Thank you for praying! :highfive

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

:yourock

:highfive

Yes, I've seen Jesus bring trust back into a relationship that has been severely damaged by adultery !!!! But as you stated, BOTH parties have to be seeking Jesus!!!

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Great posts on this thread. It's good to see that PR is the only one suffering from senility. :P

Personally, I think if a woman (or man) WANTS to stay with a spouse that has cheated and try to repair the marriage--GREAT. However, it's optional, it's the choice of the victim and the victim alone. If they move on, it shouldn't be a ding against their integrity.

As for the comment about the woman who looked "awful" and drove her husband to drink--that is purely tasteless male chauvinism. What a crass remark. It's a good thing that PR isn't all that influential, otherwise I might care.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Welllllll, I wasn't personally offended by that comment. Lines like that were standard in films by the like of Bob Hope during the 40's and 50's. Right up there with dialog like:
Woman: "Well, I never!"
Man: "No maam, you haven't."

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

:nod

Didn't the guy usually get slapped around the time he said that, though? :smack

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

And now some of us are armed! :heeheehee

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

When I saw the rerun ....I was astounded. This is 2013.....regardless of the scenario......it is NOT the woman's fault.

Poorly worded, poorly presented and a poor representation of "Christianity"!

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

:thumbsup

(See my recent post to rdp in the holiness thread.)
http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...t=43353&page=7

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

:yourock

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

What I feel sorry for is all the damage this video will cause. All those women who think Pat Robertson is some great man of God will take this to heart and beat themselves up because their husbands are not faithful. They will be jumping through hoops instead of respecting themselves as the good women they are. "Oh, I didn't have those socks picked up so he cheated" or, even closer to every woman's heart "Oh, I didn't do what he wanted sexually because I was exhausted so he cheated". The poor woman will be run frazzled. Meanwhile, if he has not changed his ways and truly repented, he will be risking HER LIFE possibly with AIDS or some other STD.

She has every right to leave. It is HER CHOICE if she wants to try and work it out and she is not obligated IMO.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Surely there are only 23 of them? :D

I agree; no spouse, male or female, is obligated to stay. I don't think a minister in a counseling situation should even suggest or imply it.

Re: How to deal with cheating husband
 

Or imply that SHE needs to try harder! I suspect being in the same house with him is pretty trying. I'm going to guess that he is not trying very hard to help her regain trust. Just my feeling.