Not Too Happy Right Now
 

Well, I guess it's time for me to do some venting, AGAIN. I'm really not all that happy with the way things have been going lately. I thought I had found the perfect way to make a living when I finally broke into the work at home job that I have had now since February, but things just have not gone at all like I had hoped they would. Call volume isn't consistant, hours are hard to get, people have been generally grumps on the phone, and I am getting disgusted with the whole thing. I got hired last week by one company that offers a guaranteed hourly wage for working at home but so far I haven't qualified for the two projects they sent me emails on so I am in a pending status with them. It's not like I am trying to get rich doing this. My needs are really simple-$500 a week. So far I have been lucky to make half that and the last two checks weren't even close to being half my $500/wk goal. I hate this 'cause it means I will probly have to go out and take another job outside of the house, knowing it will be in manufacturing, which I also can not stand and have never been any good at. I wish so much that I had never moved here! I miss my days as a junk man. I was doing something that I loved and making good money at it. If I didn't live in this public housing I could start junking again but 3 bedroom houses in this one horse town are impossible to find. Yeah, I am complaining about everything! I hate living here!! I know my life is here now but I am not happy with it at all! I should have listened to my mother and gone to college and made something out of myself! What a waste!

Oh, did I mention that fishing around here is the worst I have ever experienced!!!!!!!

It's not too late to go to college--

where are you?

Sister, college is not an option for me right now. I have 4 children that need fed, clothes, and shoes. Just today my son asked me if I could buy him a video that only costs $18. I don't know if I will be able to get it for him or not 'cause the money is just that tight right now. Honestly, I can not see how going to college and providing for my family can be done simultaneously. I tried it a few years ago and things got so chaotic it wasn't even funny. I'm not putting her down because of what I am bout to say because I know the reasons why, but I can not count on my wife to be able to get a job and keep it for very long, so it falls on me to carry the load. It doesn't bother me that it falls on me to be the provider because that is the way God intended it to be. It just frustrates me to no end that I am not doing it in the way I know it should be done. When we moved to these apartments it was supposed to be for 6 months max and it's going on two years now. Jobs around here pay well if you are good at manufacturing and can work 12 hour shifts. I weigh well over 300 lbs. and just can not be on my feet that long. I've tried it and literally had to be helped by my wife and son out of the car when getting home. Again, I just want to find a way to provide for my family adequately, without having to depend on government housing and food stamps. I am so disgusted with the whole thing. I guess I just need to start praying more and pray myself out of this situation.

Rico, here is an idea...go to your local nursing home or long term care facility and ask if you can volunteer 1-2 hours per week. One, you may find something there you can do and do well for pay and/or two, you will be fulfilled helping folks who need and appreciate any help you can give. If you can read, you can help.

:)

Yes sir... that hindsight is 20/20 ain't it bro. :)

I have been very unhappy where I am almost since I moved here. Not with the place so much... just with the church.

A friend of mine asked me some time ago "Why are you here".

I paused and finally answered. "I'm not sure why I am here but the fact that I am here lets me know that it is where I am supposed to be."

That is the way I believe about things that go on in our lives. I just believe that no matter where I am and no matter what I am going that it is where I am supposed to be and, if I hold on, it will eventually serve me. It may seem like my present situation is taking me to task right now... but, in the end, it will serve me because I am going to keep holding on.

Now... sometimes what I go through is where I am supposed to be because God has a work for me to do there. Sometimes what I go through is where I am supposed to be because there is something I needed to learn, something in my thinking that needed to change. At any rate... it is still where I needed to be and it will still serve me in the end.

Just recently I have experienced a totally unexpected awakening here and I am as happy as a lark (however happy larks get). We have a new pastor who I highly respect. I have jumped in with both feet and am applying myself left and right... looking for more things to get involved with and hungry for more.

I haven't felt this way in years.

But... it took 3 years of hating this place to get here.

I'm not saying that, right where you are, all is going to open up and I am certainly not saying that this won't happen either.

What I'm saying is this... where you are... is where you need to be. If God opens a door then move through it. If it moves you from that place... if it moves you back home... good. If nothing takes you away from there and things eventually open up where you are then good.

The thing is this.

You are not alone. God has not forgotten you. It will get better. You will find a place (maybe right where you are standing) where you can be happy, fulfilled and content.

I fought this place for 3 years and in ONE 24 hour period my life has taken a complete turn around. I would have gladly waited for 3 years to be where I am now. If only I had known the time scale then I could have just bided my time and waited. But I didn't.

I just had to keep doing what I had to do.
I just had to keep believing that the "good time" would come.
I just had to keep holding on long enough that this thing that was taking me for a ride would eventually break and serve me.

Reminds me of breaking in a calf or a horse.

Brother... hold on.

Brother... take hope in the fact that you are not alone and God is with you.

Brother... Remember he will never leave you nor forsaken.

Brother... I don't know when... I don't know how... but this too will pass and when it does you will testify of it many times. You will tell how hard it was and you will tell how you made it through.

You will tell how it meant to break you but now it serves you at your every whim when you tell of how HE brought you out.

My prayers are with you.

Thank you D. I know that God has me here for a reason. I keep that in the back of my mind every time I am on my way back home from a trip up north. I've been looking for an opening, anything, for me to be able to move back up there and it just seems that that door has been closed. When I got home from my last trip up there I told my wife I wasn't going to go back any more because I realized that my life is here now. But then, when I look at my life here, I get so disgusted I just want to run. At other times in my life I could just pray the answers down, if that makes any sense to you, but my faith has to be at the weakest point it's ever been in in my entire life. I mean, the thought of going to church totally turns me off. I didn't go to Bro Campbell's funeral because I just knew that I would go off on the first person that thought it appropriate to come tell me how lost I am in their eyes and I, well, I just didn't want to have to deal with the attitude I knew I would find if I went. I know I am rambling some but there's just a lot of stuff coming to the surface right now.

where was home, and where are you now?

I live in Southern Indiana right now. I moved here from the west central part of Indiana.

Become a truck driver!!!!

that doesnt help his family, they need daddy home.

IMO

Hehehe. Brother, with God as my witness, I have started truck driving school no less than 4 times since I got with my wife and every single time I got stopped dead in my tracks. LOL! Truck driving will be a definite possibility as soon as my youngest gets a little bit older though She's 6 now. Dad has to be at home right now cause Mom can't handle these 4 younguns by herself.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

James 1:2-3, New International Version

you know, if you'd been driving a truck.... :D
oh nevermind

I wont let my husband do that.

then sometimes I'm like "Hey, go drive a truck, long distance"

that is, when I dont want to throw him under said truck

Yup. You're right. I realized the last time I headed off to truck driving school, only to end up back home three days later that the Lord just isn't too keen on me not being around, at least not while these kids are this young. They are worth the wait though. :)

Heheheeee. I know exactly where you were headed with that and you are probly right! LOL! Still, I am Hispanis and there was no way I could go without when I was in my 20s and early 30s. LOL!

Ramble on brother... ramble on. Sometimes we need to ramble.

You know... a weight lifter is at his weakest point when he has the big weights above his head.

Everyone else looks on in awe at the load he is carrying but he is at his weakest because is near his limit and has no more strength to give beyond what he is exerting right now.

Some are weak because they never struggle.

Some are weak because they are the apex of their struggle and it is taking their strength.

The latter is not truly weak. He is just spent.

It is good that you made this thread today for 2 reasons.

1. Your brethren can (hopefully) offer some words that will give you some hope & strength.

2. It will be able to serve as a mark to look back on when, in due time, the answer comes and you can look back at this thread and be reminded how thankful you are for Gods hand when it finally came through.

I would also leave you this one other thought.

I have found that when God comes through on the really tough trials. The ones that test your strength, your limits, your abilities.

I have found that they tend to end abruptly. The answer tends to be fast, complete and overwhelming.

I told you of the change that has happened for me recently. That isn't the first time I have been through a rough trial that tested me so completely.

One other time was similar to yours.

I had 3 vehicles and it took all I had to just keep one running well enough to get me to work and back.

For 8 months we fought this. To this day when we drive down the road there aren't may places we can point and say "We broke down there before". My kids laugh when I say that but it was serious.

My wife, baby daughter and I walking down the interstate.
Taking 2-1/2 hours each way to get to a job 35 miles away.
Not being able to pay my bills because it took every penny I made just to keep a car running and not lose my job.

It was long and I thought sometimes that it would never end.

I would hold on and have faith and then I would lose it.

I remember behind Church's chicken my car died and my battery was dead. I felt it was time to set God straight. I told him "You can make the lightning go from the east to the west and all I need is 12 tiny volts" :)

Shortly thereafter the answer came and I felt bad. If I had just held on.

The next time I did better but I still found my breaking point and set God straight again. Shortly thereafter another answer came and I felt bad again.

This continued for 8 months until one day the pastor said "Brother... I see a light at the end of the tunnel... and it isn't a train. The answer is going to come soon and from a source you never expected"

I had finally learned faith and obedience.

The next day on the way to work my transmission broke. I was under my car working on it in the driving rain with 1/2" of rain parting around me like a sand bar in a river. But I smiled. Because the man of God said the answer was on it's way and I had finally learned to believe and never give up.

Not long after that a man visited my house. He said... my preacher preached on Jesus turning the water into wine today. Do you know why Jesus turned the water into wine? No one was dying... no one was going to hell.

I didn't know. He said "Just to make people happy"

He reached in his pocket and took the keys to a car that he had bought and spent thousands of dollars making a faithful car out of it.

He threw them across my living room to me and said "Here... just to make you happy"

I am crying now as I remember when that load was lifted off of me.

It was sudden... it was complete... it was overwhelming.

Brother... there is a light at the end of the tunnel... and it is not a train.

Hold on for 2 things....

Hold on and keep your faith as best as you can.
Also...
Hold on for the sudden, complete & overwhelming answer that will come... in time.

Have you looked into online courses? They are more and more prevalent, and better suited to people already busy in the real world with real lives. Or, there is the University of Phoenix style (my husband does this as he works full time during the day), where you go one evening a week for four hours, have homework at home (online reading and some course work), and a study group to meet with once a week. He has done it for almost two years now, and is now well on his way to a double Bachelor's degree.

I'd reply if I wasnt crying so hard I cant see...

powerful words sir, very timely.

Awesome testimony, brother.

He is, indeed, an awesome God.

And, He is still good, and He still gives good gifts to His children, and He still causes all things to work together for good to them that love Him and are the called according to His purpose.

The post on making it serve you is actually a thought that has been working through my head for a sermon using that very verse.

ALL things work together for good BECAUSE you love God and are called according to His purpose.

If I can just continue to hold on... it will serve me. I just have to keep loving Him and the universal law set in place by that verse demands that it one day break and serve me.

Hallelujah to His name.

Rico I will pray for you.

Brother, does this mean I am going to hit the lottery? Has the Lord let you in on something of that nature? :D




















I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I know that, this too, will pass. It just seems like it's dragging on and on. I just don't understand what's so hard about, "Lord, I need $500 a week to live on and I'd really love to be happy while I am making it." I know I am complaining. I know people in China, Sudan, and who knows where else are lucky to get a handful of rice to eat every day and here I am eating so much I am over 300lbs. I know that at least I have a roof over my head and a car to drive. I am not saying I am ungrateful for what I have because I am. I am just tired of feeling the way I do. In my 20s it was fun to figure ways of getting around not having the money to live right. In my early 30s it was still kind of a cool thing cause the issues were bigger and harder to overcome. Now, as I am turning 40 this month, I am just tired of the struggle. It isn't fun any more and it isn't cool either. I am drained and tired of living on the edge, one or two checks away from being out on the street. Hopefully, when I do get to the place that I can see that light at the end of the tunnel it won't be a train. Thanks for helping me out. I appreciate it.

No sir... :)

I am not privy to any information like that. :)

But I do know this... if a windfall like that came your way I would... literally... dance around my house in thanks for hearing it had happened. :)

Sister M., to be honest with you I never thought of looking into getting a degree online. I will have to check into it. Is there financial aid available for getting an education that way? Well, one evening a week for four hours probly isn't all that expensive. Hmmmmmmm. I am going to check this out. Thanks.

Thank you Bro Epley. I know I get mad at some of the things you say, but I can tell that you really do have the heart of a pastor.

Go on, preach it now!

:)

I have a feeling I will soon. :)

Absolutely there is financial aid available for such programs. And, because you have several dependents, what you are eligible for will most likely be far more than my dear hubby was when he applied, (as he had no dependents and a spouse making good money at a full time job).

I will say that my husband had toyed with going to college for a couple of years before he actually did. He started school just two months after his fortieth birthday, and he did it in response to the challenge of our then new pastor who firmly believes that those who have the academic potential should go to school, further their education, and become more productive members of society (and individuals with better developed talents and gifts to put to use in the church). It was a big step of faith, but God has provided in ways I never dreamed.

Then, my dear husband began to encourage me to go to school to get my nursing license. I wasn't sure how that would work out financially, as this program I am in makes it impossible to work full time (and I knew this would be the case when I applied.) Again, God has seemingly opened the windows of heaven on us, and I don't even have to work while I am in school. Plus, we have been able to help and bless others, like we have never been able to do before.

Check it out, brother, and keep us posted on how it goes.

So, he was right around my age when he signed up. I turn 40 this month. Maybe that's why I have been feeling the way I have been. Midlife crisis setting in or something. I know I feel like time is starting to run out. Used to be I couldn't see past 30. Now I can't see past 65 and I am thinking it's only 25 years away. No retirement, no career, no nothing! Ugh! I hate even thinking about it.

Rico, being in Customer Service myself, it would be much easier without cranky customers. If you can find a way to soften them you will win the entire battle. We never know if their dog was ran over, or if they had their lunch money stolen when a child. These events make some people forever hard to deal with on the phone.

That's weird. Just being in a place means you should be in that place....

I ask myself the same question, WHY am I here? In this city and church...I have no family...no real friends, I have "brothers and sisters" I see once or twice a week, but no close friends, no job, it's expensive to live here and I am on disability. Why am I here? I have been here in this city all my life and in this church over 20 years. Lately I have thought about moving to some where else...maybe with a larger singles group or maybe even find a wife.

But I really don't think that just because I am here means this is where I am supposed to be.

They have really good online and CD or DVD based classes that are cheap but are NOT degree programs. What they are is Cert based programs. Meaning once you complete the classes you can take a test for certification. The easiers is probably A+. And a job with that might not pay a lot but there are probably a lot of jobs out there or you can start your own business repairing PCs.

You can also get Cert in Networking and maybe land an indoors job working in a semi office environment or an outdoor job running cable and setting up wireless networks etc etc

Rico, PM me your postal code.. I'll help you find online courses via accredited schools.