To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Dear Dad,

I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this effects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well.

I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.

Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.

As far as modesty goes, you tried to talk with me about how my dress affects those around me and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions however told me that I would only ever truly be beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Your talks with me meant nothing and in fact, just made me angry.

As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. I also learned to trust you less and less as what you told me didn’t line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for me and not just a pretty face.

When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as a pretty face in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life.

I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was his struggle with pornography. I’m thankful to God that it is something that hasn’t had a grip on his life. We still have had struggles because of the deep-rooted distrust in my heart for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be this: Porn didn’t just affect your life; it affected everyone around you in ways I don’t think you can ever realize. It still affects me to this day as I realize the hold that it has on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography and its far-reaching greedy hands. When I tell him about how pornography, like most sins, affects far more than just us.

Like, I said, I have forgiven you. I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my life in this area. It is an area that I still struggle with from time to time, but I am thankful for God’s grace and also my husband’s. I do pray that you are past this and that the many men who struggle with this will have their eyes opened.

Love, Your Daughter

Read more at http://barbwire.com/2014/12/17/porn-...-dad-daughter/

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I knew a guy who was watching an amateur porn site only to find a video of his wife with another man-- unique birthmark and all.

His marriage struggled after that I encouraged him to leave her because he has became violent with her on numerous occasions.

He didn't, until he was forced to leave her.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I'm probably mean for thinking this, but serves him right, really. He's cheating on his wife with women of the www, and then stumbles across an xrated video of his own wife cheating on him?! You reap what you sow.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I don't think it's the same thing.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

IMO both are just as wrong. Also, from what I've read, it seems that porn affects the mind in ways a physical affair does not. But I may be the only one who believes that way.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I don't want to condone sin or anything. But... I sense a little bit of the "blame game" going on here.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Well his mind was definitely affected by what he saw.

There are guys (relatively young guys in their early 20's) who are experiencing sexual difficulties in their marriages and relationships due to their minds being over-stimulated by porn.

Porn is truly destructive and demonic.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I'll bet it was!

I agree.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

She is blaming her Dad and trying to lay a massive guilt trip on him.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I don't think she is. I thought it was well-written and has a lot of truth in it.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Oh, I thought you called him a sow. :heeheehee 'Cause I was thinking he's a hypocrite for being a porn addict.

What an idiot. "My wife was cheating on me!!!!!" :tissue

"Gasp!!! How did you find out?!!!!"

"I was looking over my usual porn sites and found her therrrrrrrrrre!" :tissue

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Really? She writes a letter to allow him to know how this have affected her life. That's just simply honesty on her part.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Good point.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Also a good point, she should be accountable for her own actions, not that of her fathers.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

David, I see what you are saying and there might be truth to what she is saying, but we ALL are accountable to God in one way or another.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

lol

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Buuuut.............She doesn't have to allow her father to alter the way she should live.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I don't condone sin either, but I don't really see where dad watching porn would be so devastating for the rest of the children's life (maybe if he was making his children watch it with him or something perverted and not being private). I know it would cause a loss of respect toward the parent. I could easily blame my own hang up's on my parents. My mom gave me away when I was 2 yrs old and I don't even know my dad, but I couldn't imagine airing out the parents dirty laundry if your parents were there for you.

There never has been the perfect mom or dad, but we honor our father and mother to please God. Noah got drunk and naked and his son Ham made sport of it and it brought a curse on his children. I hope you will be able to look past your dad's shortcoming and find the good in him. If it is their you should find it. I am sure our parents could blame their faults upon our grandparents if they wanted.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

He has a God given responsibility to protect her life, especially in what would shape her character. A girl or young woman will, for the most part, view men through the same lens she sees her father.

And she took responsibility for her life by forgiving him and marrying a man that was not like him.

To say her father's actions didn't affect her in some ways is a huge oversight.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

No argument from me, the father should've considered his child that's a given. I wonder how many of us should blame our parents though seeing how we ALL are shapen in iniquity. I don't give her father a free pass, but to put the blame on our parents is something we ALL could do.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

It is good to move on and not dwell in the past. Love your dad because you are bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Venting out frustration usually does far much more harm then good. If anything it should be a private conversation between you and him personally, and be prepared that it may not bring the results that you desire. Only God can heal old wounds and words can create new ones..

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Pressing On didn't write that to her dad- she passed along something written by someone else.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Just so we are clear, I knew that, I read the link.

:thumbsup

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Sorry pressing on for misunderstanding. I agree in the harm of porn and the points the letter made, but it seemed a little immature on behalf of the writer.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I do think the link that PO shared could be utilized as an object lesson for men though.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Improper attraction is virtually every man's battle, that it is very hard for most women to understand. But maturity and understanding for both, can bring harmony in marriage.

Would you really want a husband that was not attracted to women?

Of course, when the husband comes to understand that, to act on that attraction improperly is very harmful to himself, and those he loves the most!!

So ladies cut him some slack, but hold him accountable, and love him in so many ways that he has nothing left for outside of your relationship!!! Yep, everybody wins!!! Heh, Heh!!!

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

good post.:thumbsup

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Not a problem. And I didn't think it was immature on the writer's behalf to share a traumatic experience that began as a "12 year old" stumbling on her father's computer porn. How awfully shocking!

I agree. I know a couple who went for counseling because of her husband's horrible porn addiction. He was so obsessed that he would look at the lingerie section of her mail-order catalogs - JC Penny, Dillards, etc.

Anyway, the interesting part of the counseling is that the husband was instructed to make a list of EVERYTHING that had a sexual message for him from the time he left the house for work until he got home - billboards, magazines at grocery checkout, etc.

The counselor said, "I want you to be aware of what society is doing to our men so that you can help me fight this."

So, that is why I do not in anyway think the daughter was immature to post the letter.

Men can keep putting on the mantra - "Boys will be boys" and "Cut him some slack." But, please note that in Deut 22:20 if a woman was found NOT to be a virgin, she was brought to her "father's doorstep" and stoned. Not outside the camp or at the city gate, but to her father. He is and should be her principle protector. Men should take that roll much more seriously than they do today.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Here is the thing I know that pornography will destroy a marriage and that would defnitely effect the children. If the man has been a good father overall in his children's life, but has a dirty secret that he isn't proud of then I think the daughter should cut him some slack(he is wrong). If he is some pervert that is doing things openly in his home and has no guilt then that would be diferent. I didn't get that impression from the letter.

You made a good point about what society is doing to are men. You can't watch a movie no matter what it is rated without some ladies cleavage hanging out or some tight form fitting clothes. The billboards and sale papers are full of models posing in little to no clothes (I usually just give my wife the ads out of the paper right off because so much in there isn't anything I need to see). Many women across this nation do things to promote themselves and then men are left holding the bag and are made to be some horrible pervert.

To be clear, fornication of any kind is a sin and will destroy your life and soul. Men need to do their part and keep their body under subjection, but ladies should think twice before getting ready every day. That is why immodesty should be viewed on the same level as lust. So many women are running around trying to look attractive and competing with one another while men are horrible because how it affects them.

This is a two way street and neither side is innocent. Let God be right and every man a liar.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Thanks for posting the article PO. More women need to realize the desperate struggle men have with their visual perception, and make it easier on them by covering up, and not acting in a provocative way. Others have said it on here in this discussion as well, but I'll chime in and agree. Pornography is a problem that needs a two-way street to be resolved. Men need to rein in their lust, but women need to be aware of how hard it is for men to see immodest clothing on them, and women need to wear clothing that doesn't accentuate or provoke attention from men, if possible.

I've heard it said before that "pornography" is every man's struggle, and I think that it must be true. Women need to do their best to understand that struggle, and help protect their husbands from it by - as crakjak said - " love him in so many ways that he has nothing left for outside of your relationship!!!"

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Was anyone focusing on the daughter who shared her experience at "12-years old" having to process porn on her father's computer? 12 years old!

Can anyone pull up a chair and begin to think of what she had to process when she viewed what her father had been viewing and how that subsequently affected her life. Both scared and curious, how horrible her little heart felt? Did she ever get those images out of her head?

It isn't about cutting her father some slack. It is addressing the lackadaisical attitude that "boys will be boys". Hold him accountable, but cut him some slack, 'cause that what men do. Ugh!

Do men realize why many women dress like they do? I know there are some women who will dress provocative anyway, but "many" already feel objectified and so they fall into that horrible trap that men have laid out for them - I want eye candy!

The daughter began to notice that many men were like her father. "I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way. As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. "

That was the girl's point in the letter. Please stop making excuses for what men and society are doing to women's lives. That has to be a huge part of the conversation while we are talking about both sides of the story.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Me and my brother who didn't live together found a porn video as children probably about 12 or less in our mothers closet and watched it. At that age it wasn't devastating, but it was interesting for two boys who knew little about the birds and bees. Again, porn is wrong, but that letter sounded like that girl was blaming all of her future relationship troubles on her father's addiction. It sounds like she don't want to claim her own personal problems.

Sounds like you are doing the same thing that you say men are doing "blaming it on other people". Men aren't the reason women dress the way they do. I would say the pressure for a women to dress bad is more about competing and being as pretty as the next lady. Ladies ego's sometimes are far bigger than men's. Besides any good man isn't wanting to see some half naked women. I am a critic in my home with my daughter and wife on their clothes.

The problem is that women so often times are dressing to please the wrong men. I grew up a church kid who was taught to be respectful to ladies, but girls didn't show me the time of day. The boys who talked rudely and was smoking in the bathrooms and breaking all the rules seem to really draw them in. I am defending the other side because the letter did so good a job putting a man down that I don't think it needs any help.

This young woman will never know the struggles of being a man and vice versa. That is why I say cut him some slack. Condemnation doesn't help anyone, but pushes them down. I wonder if this lady ever spent this much time writing something good about her father.

:thumbsup

That's a great point. Thank you for posting this. Father's must protect their daughters and instruct their sons.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

While I mentioned that there seemed to be a "blame game" in the young woman's story, I'd also like to mention something else. I believe the father was irresponsible here. Any parent who owns anything of an intimate or private nature knows that it must be kept from the prying eyes and fingers of children. This guy left his garbage open to be discovered and viewed, knowing he has a 12 year old daughter that is in the house, and would most likely use the computer. This is an irresponsible dad.

On a side note... my parents weren't perfect. I don't think anyone's parents are. I can't blame my mom for my issues because I was taken aback by the raunchy story line in a "romance novel" I stumbled across while bored one day. Parents aren't perfect. They are human beings with human nature. Since when did we start demanding such a high level of perfection from our kids and/or parents that when we discover their humanity, weaknesses, or sins we fall all apart like a house of cards???

Mom was a very modest Pentecostal lady. She raised me as a single mom for most of my childhood. Am I to freak out, or think less of her, because she had a couple steamy "romance novels" on the book shelf in her bedroom? I don't think so.

My mom was a Pentecostal lady who prayed for me and drug me to church with her all the time. She'd pray at home often. She'd also play worship and praise music quite regularly. But she wasn't Mother Theresa. She was also a human being with human desires, interests, and needs. She was a lady entitled to her privacy.

I think that sometimes we expect far too much of our children, our parents, our friends, our spouses, and even our elders. People are human. And though some abuses, realizations, and discoveries stick with us... ultimately we're responsible for our own life choices.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

I am a liberal holiness believer. I believe that a lady should dress like a lady and man should dress like a man and they should both be modest. I say liberal because I don't think that we should put people in hell because they don't dress the way we want them to. Although, I would encourage all to live a little higher. a couple of question I have:

1) Why do women wear makeup? Men don't. I don't know who a lady is trying to impress when she goes out in public unless she is wanting positive attention.

2)Are pants on a woman modest? Preachers decades ago from most all denominations preached that pants were men's attire. I know it was the cultural accepted norm for the time and that men wore pants and ladies wore dresses. Today it is accepted in culture for women and men to wear pants, but yet even the doctor that PO spoke of mentioned what society was doing to men. Culture isn't becoming more godly it is becoming less godly.

I struggle teaching that ladies shouldn't wear pants because it pertains to a man. It is culturally accepted now as women's pants.Although, I see a modesty issue with probably 80% of ladies pants. They are made to fit and show curves of a females body that shouldn't be seen. Men shouldn't look but most will and there is just as much guilt in showing as in looking.

3)How come women wear the jewelry? Men don't. A man might wear a watch,wedding ban, class ring, etc. Man usually don't wear much jewelry unless its functional or to produce and image. I had several earrings in my late teens to portray a bad boy image that really didn't come natural. Many (not all) women feel they need rings plural, necklaces, or earring to accommodate their wardrobe. Women seem to struggle with vanity in dress more than men.(there are exceptions but overall)

It would seem that men and ladies sinful nature feed one another. We need to be accountable, but also merciful because we all have our battles. I don't think that one is worse than another, but we all have sinned and come short of the glory. I wonder what would the girl look like that wrote the letter. Would she be modest or possibly another case of the kettle calling the pot black.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Thanks for giving honor to your mother!:yourock I agree the dad was irrispnsible and wrong for his choices.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

You know what I believe? I am thinking of a comment by Whoopi Goldberg saying that unless you are black, you will not understand what true racism is. She said that some white people get it, but only black people know what it feels like.

In that same vain, unless you are a woman, you cannot truly understand the pressure that we deal with from a sexual society.

This woman opened up a very necessary dialogue we should be having.

By way of example, a supposedly conservative radio host in Houston was calling for everyone to come to the beach in Galveston because they will have a car show with women in bikinis. I asked him why he would suggest such a thing being a married Christian. He said, "Oh, go take it up with Pat Robertson." LOL! He didn't care if he protected those women's lives. Why not? Because "boys will be boys". Does he realize that he is not helping men get out of their porn addictions? Does he realize HE is an enabler? Does HE realize HE is part of the problem?

You can see suggestive stuff on Glen Beck's website, and many others. I guess men don't read the news unless half dressed women are present? They should all be held accountable.

Re: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter
 

Exactly - period.