Frustrated....
 

I've always had issues with my dad.

My dad is a preacher and when I try and talk to him about things he's pretty dismissive.

I mean there are things that God has given me that just set me on fire inside...Words and revelations and I try to talk to my dad about and he just abruptly changes the subject to something totally unrelated. Like he doesn't care who I am...Or what I'm saying.

It's frustrating because these are things you'd THINK would be of importance to him.

I'm not trying to shove things in his face...I'm trying to open up to him because we are similar in a lot of ways and I'm looking for feedback...Not backslap...Just discussion.

That's why I post alot on here...I enjoy and NEED the discussion and feedback even when we don't agree...Especially when we don't agree.

I grew up with no affirmation even though I had a father that seemed to be there and the preachers in my life pretty much took me for granted because they watched me grow up.

It was frustrating watching them cozy up to my dad with the camraderie...With my dad wearing a mask...Them not really knowing who he was like I did...All I wanted was some discipleship...because I certainly wasn't getting it at home.

I'm following after God, my wife and I both. We have stepped out on some extreme faith and truly we have discovered that when you do this...When you go against tradition and actually obey God it causes a rift to form between you and other friends and family.

Your life begins to convict them. You discover that you aren't called to make people at ease and comfortable.

It's amazing how defensive people get when you aren't even accusing them of anything...You're just obeying Him.

You begin to run into alot of "Older Brother" personalities that want to question your ability, calling, qualification and intentions when you show up and want to kill giants.

I'm blessed to have a pastor and evangelist at a church we are attending that is a hour and a half away that doesn't see me like others I grew up with have seen me.

I'm not claiming prophetic office but I do understand that saying,"A prophet hath no honor in his own country."

Love all you folks...just needed to talk and vent.

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My father was an atheist and behaved pretty much the same way.

Stick with your pastor and move forward.

Only Jesus knows what the future holds. :thumbsup

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I'm just learning to keep my mouth shut around certain people.

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That my brother is a marvelous gift which few people master.

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Lol!

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don't you know that this is why God can use you, it's because you are broken. We have this treasure in earthen vessels. But even though God chooses the weak and the despised things, The alabaster box still needs to be broken so that the anointing can flow. That is why we rejoice in our weakness, for then He can show himself strong. He doesn't have to break your flesh for the anointing to flow, you are already broken

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Who wants to be broken?

I would rather be whole!

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Father-Son dynamics can be very strange and I have no words of wisdom for you there except to say that if you dad can't be there for you on these spiritual matters try to accept that and work on the ways / situations in which you can interact well and work on building that. Is it possible that it just may take some time for your dad to see that this change and commitment to God is real and going to last? He may be protecting himself from being hurt by having this wall up because he fears your re-conversion won't last. Of course I could be way off the mark here. In any case don't let any of these things discourage you. While it is great to have affirmation from our loved ones ultimately, as an adult, our salvation and relationship with God is on us and us alone.

Also as far as your zeal and excitement about what God is doing in you and for you - that is a great thing but also be patient and let the process work out through time as you will get even more grounded through study and prayer.

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:highfive :thumbsup Excellent!

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I appreciate the advice.

Even before backsliding he was this way.

I started preaching when I was 16.

I wasn't always a heathen.lol

What I'm seeing is family is freaking out. The way I live now challenges their life of fear and unbelief.

It's bad when your Pentecostal family gives you weird looks when you talk about faith.

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Make them some banana pudding. :thumbsup

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There's nothing more dangerous to the status quo, than a boat rocker. It's all a part of hating one's family members within the Biblical parameters of what the Lord meant by that and devoting one's self to taking up one's cross, denying one's self, and following Jesus.

Therefore, I would cautiously suggest that what you are dealing with isn't really about your dad and his lack of interest in your spiritual walk. Instead, perhaps there is something in you that God is trying to work out, that so far has caused you to place an expectation upon your father, that your father is not prepared to meet.

I know it can seem unfair, be frustrating, and even hurtful, to become disappointed in someone you expected more from, but when this happens look inward for a moment and try and discern what it is about you that expects something from someone you already know isn't going to live up to what you want them to live up to.

And then, release them from your expectation, forgive them, and enjoy what you do have to its fullest. It's either that or weedle away and keep banging at a door that's not going to open, and in so doing, draw the Tempter's attention, so he can try to work on and multiple your anger and look for ways he can take advantage of the frustration you feel so he can plant a root of bitterness in you about your dad.

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Invite them over for prayer meeting. No talk, no discussion, no debate. Just a good old fashioned prayer meeting.

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Without brokenness, there can be no subsequent wholeness that God wants in us. That is why we take up our crosses and follow Him in self-denial. The brokenness is in regard the flesh barrier in our lives. We are like the alabaster box. There is the Spirit inside us that is hindered from coming forth like sweet perfume to the world around us. But the flesh of the box stops that from happening. When it is broken -- the outward man perishing -- the inward man (spirit) is renewed and comes forth to touch lives around us.

2 Cor 4 teaches that God shone his light of knowledge of Jesus in our hearts. And He said this is a TREASURE... the light in us. But the treasure of this light is in earthen vessels.

2 Corinthians 4:6-7 KJV (6) For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (7) But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.


So what has to happen with light in earthen vessels? Remember Gideon and the torches inside the clay jars. What had to happen for the light to shine out of those torches? the clay jars had to break. That's just what troubles in life do for us... in a beneficial way!

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 KJV (8) We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; (9) Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; (10) Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

Our outward man is the fleshly jar that experiences the dying of Jesus so that HIS LIFE -- the treasure of light in us -- might shone out!

The light is Jesus' life inside the body. And the body experiences hardships so the LIGHT LIFE can shine out!

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Excellent teaching! :yourock

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Jedi, it would be presumptuous to try to delve into the whys of your personal father/son dynamic. So I wont.... but let me share something from the perspective of a father of two boys.

I am at times utterly lost. You want to know frustration? Be a teacher who understands how to communicate but when your son asks you a question you have no clue what to day. Just. No. Clue.

I work with kids there age. I am the cubmaster of our Cub Scout pack. I am an assistant Scout Master of the troop my older son is part of. I teach kids all kinds of things about life and about how to do things. but my own kids? Dude, I can teach your son how to tie a figure 8 follow thru knot in 10 mintues and we are both smiling and laughing the whole time. MY SON? Lets just say im working thru my own issues, and my overly high expectations that I don't project on others... just my own. Its my fault not his.

As a coach, I can and did teach other boys how to bat, throw and catch. my boys? I just look at some other parent/coach and say "please help that kid before I kill him". That's my issue not his.

I was a youth pastor before I "aged out"... guess what? same principle. its HARD to talk to my boys about the subject that is the passion of my life, that being the word of God. Others? easy... utterly easy.

and that goes both ways. I have worked with the children's ministry at our church many times. we do "semesters" where for a period of weeks, we focus on some particular thing. last summer, I had the boys. we talked about guy stuff in a spiritual context. It was awesome....except that my sons thought that because Dad was the teacher they could interrupt and be ridiculous and act out. they don't do that when someone else is teaching. We had to talk about that.

I see them checking out when im talking/teaching while other kids are engaged. I see them engaged when someone else is talking/teaching...

Back to Boy Scouts... This was the place where I finally connected the dots. There is a long standing rule in Boy Scouts. You never correct your own kid in a Scouting environment. You never even determine if your kids behavior is appropriate. You leave that to the other trained leaders, and the other boy leaders. YOU work with the other boys.

Why? because everything I just said here is common to all of us. Our expectations of our own kids are vastly too high. We see their actions as a reflection of our character. We project our adult experience and understanding on our won kids while not doing that with the children of others.

This is an extension of the thing in us that makes us know that was our kid crying in a crowd of kids running and screaming and playing. some other kid crying may be concerning but its not vital. our kid crying and, its critical to survival that we get there and insure all is well.

For myself, I am working on me to figure out how to modulate. How to get to the place where I can talk to my sons. How I can manage between being dad, and being their father. I don't want to be their friend. I will always be their father, but somewhere along the way, I have to be able to listen and not project myself on them. I am not there yet. pray for me I figure it out.

I cant say this is the entirety of the issue with you and your father, but I suspect in some way, its the background... the foundation. It may just be your dad hasn't figured this out. a LOT of dads don't. maybe most.... but I don't know any thing don't in some ways struggle with it. Dads and Sons is a dynamic that is powerful and frustrating and awesome and a blessing beyond measure, but boy is it complicated.

in the end all of us are flawed and at times fish out of water.

Hope that helps. I can tell you this. Dads are proud of their sons. even when we don't know how to say it. Be the best man you can be and that will in the end be enough.

praying for you and your father.

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I love you Jed and don't want this taken the wrong way Bro. But we have a duty in my mind to be servants, not be served. Many times I would be witnessing or testifying to someone of what God has and is doing in my life. Only to feel minimalized by their reaction or feel like it didn't impact them on the level I was trying to achieve. But there was entirely too much me envolved. Give them what Gods given you and rest with assurance it was God that created that opportunity that His Word may be magnified through you. Glory to God.

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There was a point and time in my younger years where I realized that my dad was too damaged emotionally to give me what I was looking for. I accepted that or tried to and stopped looking for it just with the realization that it wasn't going to happen and in the same breath I realized that I was in danger of trying to find surrogate father figures to take his place so I tried to guard against that as well.

I feel that affirmation is one of those pivotal points in a persons growth that if not reached they can spend the rest of their life trying to find.

My father is a broken man and he raised a broken son but I have a Savior that mends broken hearts.

I have to constantly visit Him time and time again holding shattered pieces of myself like a child with a broken toy and allow Him to put me back together.

My father cant give me what I need but my Heavenly Father can.

I love my dad but its hard finding that relationship balance where I don't expect more from him than he can provide.

I still reflexively reach out and try to connect even though a part of me says that I will regret it.

I guess I keep doing it in hopes of one day I'll break through and out of fear of totally giving up and walling him off or drifting away.

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What I found out was this. Bro Benincasa can attest to this with my situation. LOL

With your parents they will have trouble ever seeing you more than the kid in diapers or the kid who messed up and backslid.

Humanity has a hard time forgiving and moving on, thus our need for the Spirit of God. He has that ability.

Jesus spoke it and said that a prophet was not without respect or honor except in his own house. How true again.

This is that hardest thing that I had to learn dealing with my children. I grew up not hearing positive affirmation, I heard plenty of the negative.

When I finally got married and moved into the ministry it continued. It didn't matter if I preached a revival where 15 got the Holy Ghost, my parents could not say anything positive. That hurt. But I learned to find confidence in the Spirit of God.

I also had wise counsel that told me to remember the commandment and honor them. That commandment is without caveat or exemption. So I do, constantly. Regardless of their behavior I must watch my behavior.

I then decided that I would, by choice, change my attitude towards my children. I constantly tell them I am proud of them for their achievements, what ever they might be. I tend to ignore a lot of the negative because I know that they will change over time as I have changed.

It has built a great relationship with my children that I don't regret. Even today I have two of my adult children that I can't chase away from my house, they love being with us and love their family.

Pentecost has failed in many ways because of many of the old timers that bought into the jargon of "Revival at any cost!" They have paid with their children, with their families, with their health and etc. They have built crowds and lost their children. Not good.

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God is well able to use what is broken.

I was raised by an alcoholic father and a bipolar mother. I have Asperger's so I have problems with eye contact, problems with social connections

I was born again into the fire of a revival church, our pastor preached prayer, fasting and soul winning. It was all about soul winning.

I began to ask God to use me to win souls, with my problems connecting to people it would seem unlikely that I could be used for anything, but God is well able.

A man at work walked up to me one day and asked me where I went to church, I invited him to come, taught him and his family bible Studies and they came, and were filled with the HG and baptized. He brought all his friends to me to teach them bible studies till there were 45 people added to the church in a matter of months.

One time I was driving was the grocery store and God said to stop and witness to someone inside, I found an elderly man in the one of the aisles and God said that he was the one. he also came and got the HG and was baptized.

There is a woman I met who was a stripper, God delivered her and she is a wonderful saint of God today, beautiful woman, her family is in church.

Alcoholic man I met, God delivered him from alcohol and he is in a leadership position and a great soul winner in his church today.

My Mom was filled with the HG and baptized and is waiting for me on the other side. Before she died, she told me that she loved me, something I never heard when I was a child.

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its interesting that I had a conversation yesterday with a friend from church. His father is deaf, and he told me the his father never had a conversation with his grandfather. none. my friend would interpret between his dad and his dads mom but between his dad and his dads dad, nothing.

I wish there were answer bro, but in the end this is a great common mystery. The best we can do is strive to b e better. with our kids. and at some point, about the time they have kids, have a conversation with them about this very subject so they don't fall in the same trap.

I am sorry for your pain. God is the very best answer.

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sometimes they didn't even build crowds.

good words Monterrey.

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That's an amazing encouragement!

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Awesome post, very encouraging! :thumbsup

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You're a big softy now.

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I miss our phone conversations.

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Thanks for the offer and everything you tried to do.

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:highfive

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Jediwill83, be encouraged. Even Jesus felt this frustration:

Mark 6:1-6 (ESV)
He went away from there and came to his hometown, and his disciples followed him. 2 And on the Sabbath he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished, saying, “Where did this man get these things? What is the wisdom given to him? How are such mighty works done by his hands? 3 Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. 4 And Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his hometown and among his relatives and in his own household.” 5 And he could do no mighty work there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and healed them. 6 And he marveled because of their unbelief.
And he went about among the villages teaching.

Sometimes familiarity can hinder people from experiencing or seeing what God is showing us or doing with us. I'd just move on and minister to others. As your father increasingly sees and hears what God is doing and saying through you from the lips of others... he might come around.