What Would You Do???
 

My wife is currently in an accelerated LVN Nursing program that requires her to attend clinicals a few days a week. Her mother made her a few scrub skirts to bypass the whole pants thing.

Today, while in clinicals at a local hospital, she encountered a nurse that once lived (how do I say this?) a "traditional" Holiness Pentecostal lifestyle. (ex: Dressess, uncut hair, no makeup, no jewelry) This nurse and other nurses began to mock my wife becuase of her religious stance. They said things like, "You won't last living that way." and "Your beliefs are outdated." etc... The charge nurse was in the area and allowed nurses under his control to badger my wife concerning her religious beliefs. They continued this in harsher terms than I am able to adequately describe. My wife did not run but maintained that she chooses the life she lives and she chooses this one.

My wife is not a wimp, is fully persuaded of her stance and is perfectly capable of "enduring hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ." Normally I am one to let it roll off my back. But when this is done to my wife I want to do something instead of doing nothing and feel like I am letting my wife be run over.

My question: Would you attempt to take action if this were done to your spouse? Do you think that it would be wise or a "good witness" for our faith?

Your thoughts please...

Dont get in the way of her getting her education. the only thing that would do is make life more difficult for her.

Given time, and the right spirit, your wife's antagonists will hang themselves....

That behaviour is despicable. In my experience if she can be coolheaded enough to act like it doesn't bother her and laugh it off it will probably cease.

If they "get her goat" so to speak and she appears upset and flustered it will probably continue.

As you know I think her conviction is not biblical but it is her conviction and those other people should respect that.

Good Post...just count it all joy... as Paul did...

Tell her to stay strong and God will shut the mouths of the Lions...

I concur. Let her demeanor continue to be Godly, not rendering evil for evil.

I noticed towards the end of your post this was more about your response...

I would just encourage her to follow her convictions... and keep your cool...

This is really an easy one. I would give the same answer to someone asking how they can get a pesty kid to stop bothering them.

I would suggest your wife write out what has been going on and ask that it be put in her file with HR. Then go about her business doing her best to ignore them. They are only trying to get under her skin and get her to respond. They will be frustrated if she just ignores them as she would a pesty kid yelling "LOOOKITLOOOKITLOOOKITLOOOKIT ME!!!!"

As one who does not hold to the tenets of a "traditional" Holiness Pentecostal lifestyle, I would say that religious beliefs are not the issue here at all.

There are some people with class, and some without any at all. It would appear that your wife met some people without class, but conducted herself with class. Bravo for her!

The problem with going to war with people without class is that, in the heat of battle, onlookers can't tell who is who. It's like wrestling with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

As far as addressing the workplace issue, you'll have to decide whether creating a hostile work environment is worth the satisfaction of seeing the delinquent supervisor, and a few cackling hens, reprimanded.

She is warring with a mocking spirit.That is all.Stand firm and be a christian to them.I have been a nurse since 1992 and I could care less what anyone says
about how I dress.The traditional nurse wears a white dress/hose and clinic shoes anyway.The real work world will be easeir than the school thing.Tell my sister to hang in there the money is worth it.

and once again, YOU do nothing but support your wife.

Be there and support her. Listen to her and let her tell you if she wants you to step in. Don't do it on your own. That could be a mistake.

Good advice.

I can't see how anything he would do to 'step in' would help the situation in any way. Seems like it would only exacerbate it worse, and may even just make her appear to be weak. :dunno

My thoughts exactly! Good advice Ferd.

My other :2cents :

My thoughts were geared mostly toward her work place. I can't see him being able to step in in her work place. What authority or right would he have there? I would think he would have none. If I were him, I would encourage HER to take action in her work place if needed, and support her in it...

And if it ever comes to them needing to take action outside of the work place, like to file a harassment suit, then by all means, he should be the one to take the lead and take action.

But I agree with others...if she's strong, she can handle it. They will back down eventually.

Tell her to SMILE big, with a cheerful countenance, when she says she LOVES living her life that way. :thumbsup I doubt they will bug her much after that. :D

WOW! This brings back torturous memories from Junior High School. :depressed:blink

So these were nurses that worked in the hospital, not other students? I don't think there is much that can be done, other than select somewhere else to work when she completes her clinicals. Low class, definitely. We were encouraged to wear white dresses for our clinicals. I hope the mocker realizes the sorry condition of her heart.

She needs to make her clinical instructor aware that she has been targeted and subjected to religious harassment and discrimination. Her instructor should address this issue with the facility where your wife is doing her clinicals, because this is totally acceptable, and puts that facility at great risk for legal action (if they do that to your wife, they will do the same to others). As one with an HR background, I say that your wife needs to address this through the proper channels, for the sake of others who will face the same mess if it is not rectified.

Thank you. This is exactly what I was going to suggest. You can still be a strong Christian and do the right thing by reporting this.

Just because we are Christians does not mean you just have to "take it" - it doesn't mean you are weak. There are laws in place to take care of situations such as this.

Found this on the web:

Some day you may be harassed because of your religion:
Someday you may be fired from a job because someone doesn't like your religion. You may have co-workers who constantly harass you, or try to convert you to their religion. Perhaps a supervisor will express disapproval of your religion or make it clear to you that you would get better treatment if both of you shared the same faith.
If this or any other form of religious discrimination or harassment ever happens to you, then you will be faced with a difficult set of decisions, starting with this: what do you want? Do you just want the harassment to stop? Do you want a transfer? If you were fired, do you want your old job back? Do you want the harassers disciplined? Should you try for compensation for lost wages or other damages?

Harassment and discrimination defined:
Before you can make these decisions, you need to understand the law about discrimination and harassment. There is no official definition of harassment, but it can be described as being singled out because of your religion for mistreatment, particularly if it makes it harder to do your job. If you are harassed by your superiors, this is discrimination.

U.S. workers employed "At Will:"
According to a 19th Century Supreme Court ruling, commonly called "Employment at Will," your employer may hire, fire, promote, or demote you at any time, for any reason , and without stating a reason, unless you have a written contract that states otherwise. There are generally four exceptions to this:
for your age, gender, ethnic or national origin, religion or any other reason mentioned in the civil rights acts;
for filing workplace safety complaints as covered by the Occupational Safety & Health Act;
for attempting to organize a union, protected by the National Fair Labor Practices Act; or
for any disability protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

The burden of proof is on you:
However, because your employer does not have to give a reason for his or her action, the burden is on you to prove that you were fired, mistreated, or not hired was for one of the reasons given above.

Interview? Say "I prefer not to discuss religion at work:"
What should you do if you are asked questions about religion, either on a job application or during an interview? You should remember that there is no legal reason for an employer to ask you this; we suggest that you leave that field blank, or if asked, answer only, "I prefer not to discuss religion at work"--and then stick to it. If they don't hire you, you may have a perfect case for a religious discrimination lawsuit, so contact the nearest office of the Equal Employment Opportunities Commission (EEOC) or equivalent agency immediately.

Collect, preserve any evidence:
In the event you are fired or harassed on the job, unless you can produce documentation that can be presented in court that your mis-treatment was religious discrimination or harassment, you do not have a case. Therefore, if you think there is any risk that your employment situation may lead to a lawsuit or formal complaint, the most important thing you can do is to collect and preserve evidence.

Take notes in a spiral-bound notebook:
Buy a spiral-bound notebook, and after every incident that you consider to be harassment or discrimination, discreetly write down the name of the person who harassed you, where and when it happened, what they did or said, and the names of everyone who saw or heard it. It would be sensible to keep the existence of this notebook private.

If you can do so without calling attention to it, you might want to use a tape recorder. In most states, it is legal to tape any conversation that you're part of. If you do end up in court, your attorney will determine whether or not your tapes can be used as evidence.

Always get copies of your personnel file:
Whether or not you are being harassed now, try to get a copy of your personnel file at least once a year. You may have no actual right to a copy, but many employers will give you one if you ask. After all, if you have received favorable reviews until your religious trouble started, it might help to be able to prove it.

Co-workers may not be trying to hurt you:
In most cases, the people you work with are not really trying to hurt your feelings or make you angry. They probably just don't know any better. They may be trying to make a joke or convert you to their point of view. Many people are simply more comfortable around persons who share their value system.
If you quietly and privately explain what they have said or done that offended you, and how it made you feel, they'll probably stop. You need to be discreet and speak to them alone, with no one else around.

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Will a little gentle humor lower the tension?
If the situation becomes tense, consider a little gentle humor to lower the tension. Try not to embarrass them or put them on the defensive. It is better to act hurt than angry. If you are accused of having no sense of humor, ask them for example, if they would tell gas chamber jokes or Holocaust jokes to Jews.

DON'T gossip, gloat, or argue religion:
Remember, your complaint is with that person alone. No matter how tempted you are, don't complain to your co-workers about your treatment. If the offender apologizes, don't gloat. It is important to treat any apology as sincere. You must also remember that you are not trying to get into theology discussions, but rather to stop any harassment. The issue here is harassment, not whose religion is "better" or more "right."

If informal means fail, consider a formal complaint:
Most disputes can be resolved through such informal means. If, however, all of your attempts to work things out in a reasonable, adult manner have failed, then you may want or need to appeal to a higher authority.

Winning won't guarantee you a pleasant place to work:
If informal discussions do not resolve the matter then you have a difficult decision to make. As soon as you start a formal complaint the atmosphere is going to get much more unpleasant. If you think you can find work elsewhere or if you can endure the present situation, you might be better off doing so. The law may be on your side but winning a formal complaint or lawsuit won't guarantee you a pleasant place to work.
Of course, if you don't challenge religious discrimination or harassment, it will keep happening. This is a decision that nobody can make for you.

Go to your supervisor or to personnel. Don't go over your boss's head:
If you are going to file a harassment complaint about a co-worker, the first formal conversation should be with your supervisor. If you need to file a harassment complaint about your supervisor, your conversation should be with Personnel or Human Resources. Don't jump the chain of command and go over your boss's head.

If your supervisor wasn't very helpful, see if your company has a policies and procedures manual, and then follow its advice on how to file a complaint. If not, ask to see whoever is in charge of personnel.

When in doubt, go to them--it is their job to assist you.

If you are in a union, talk to your union rep:
There is an important exception to the previous two paragraphs: if you are a member of a union, your contract may provide you with specific rights, remedies and procedures to follow. In this case your first conversation should be with your shop steward or other union representative.

Call the EEOC before the 300 day deadline:
If it has been nearly 300 days since you were last harassed or discriminated against and you still have received no satisfaction through informal or corporate channels, call the nearest office of the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and explain your situation to an investigator. Ask the investigator for advice. If he or she recommends that you file a formal complaint, ask whether you need to file separately with your state's equivalent of the EEOC.

You do not have to wait until the corporate procedures have been exhausted. In most cases there is a 300 day deadline for filing a complaint with the EEOC or state agency.

Use informal means, formal complaint, and EEOC first!
If you have not exhausted informal means, made a reasonable attempt at using corporate remedies, gone completely through the EEOC's procedures and their complete appeals process, then filing a lawsuit would be futile.

Now you need a lawyer if you're going to go on:
If you have reached this point and gotten no relief, you must retain a lawyer if you want to go any further. You and your lawyer need to determine what your objectives will be in filing a lawsuit.

Remember, you are not entitled to the free services of an attorney even if you have been fired from your job. You are filing the complaint, and your employer is the defendant. And remember: because the employer is the defendant, the burden of proof is on you!

Help finding a lawyer:
If you need help finding an attorney contact your state's Bar Association's Lawyer Referral Service which is listed in the phone book.
You may also wish to consult such organizations as your local chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union which should also be listed in the phone book.

IMPORTANT: Report actual threats to the police!
It is important to note that if at any time during the resolution process, either formal or informal, the harassment escalates to the point of assault, physical threats, slashed tires, stalking, or anything else where a reasonable person would fear for their safety, you must call the police! This has now gone beyond the realm of harassment into criminal activity. Don't feel embarrassed about calling the police for something that started out with a joke or whatever. A well-timed complaint could save your life.

Brother encourage your wife to stand by her convictions ,and tell her to keep a sweet spirit but like others have said let her go through the proper channels.

Im not sure what the point is in encouraging someone to dress a way differently than they are, particularly if they have already rejected such a dress code and particularly if they are not right with God to begin with. I don't know what the answer is in either case, but I don't think discussing holiness standards in front of the others nurses who might not be saved is what the bible has in mind as being witnesses for Christ. If one thought that was vitally necessary above all other important things this woman needed to hear, perhaps it would have been better done in private to begin with.

Unsaved individuals have a heart problem, not a dress problem. I think we do that a lot and miss out on truly converting a lot of people by dealing with exterior stuff and ignoring the heart problem and sin and their need for a savior

As for the actual question. The bible says All that will live Godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. It also says to do good to them thereby heaping coals on their head...pray about it and let God deal with it as long as it does not become abusive to the point that she is no longer able to deal with it

Absolutely. And I would give the same advice to anybody of any other religious persuasion who was mocked in the workplace for how he/she appeared in following his/her religious beliefs. This is the USA, and people have the freedom of religion in this country, and the right to not be harassed and discriminated against while exercising that freedom. And, on a personal note, shame on that licensed nurse who would do such a tacky, unprofessional thing as mock another individual for her appearance.