The Role Of The Man!
 

I thought it would be Good for us to discuss the clearly defined roles for men laid out in scripture. This has been a subject not brought out very well to the men of my age. For instance I believe it is the reason we have so many fatherless homes and the divorce rate is sky rocketing. The Bible clearly lays out the Rols of a Man in family and Life in general and it needs to be taught more especialy to the younger men with in the church.

Bad night at home, compadre? LOL

Nope, this is actualy a question I posted a very long time ago on another board and never got a single response to. So I thought I would pose it here.................

The Husbands Duty!
By: Jason Harvell

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

As a married man these scriptures have meant a lot to me over the past 5 years. It is a great commandment to us as men as to how we are to treat our wives. So many times we can put our families especially our wives on the back burner and think about jobs, hobbies, or ourselves first. However let me ask you does Christ place anything before the Church? Are we not first in his mind?

We sometimes suffer from a lack of sense as a man I can say that. It is inherit for some reason in men for us to want things to go our way or the highway. However as married men we have someone else to consider in every situation in life. Would you ever send your head across town and leave your body at home? When we make any decision with out considering your wife and how it will affect her and the relationship between you that's exactly what you have done. A head is useless with out a body! It can tell an arm to move but with out an arm there what good is it.

A lot of people use this scripture to say "I will die for my wife" but so few are willing to do what it really says and live for her. Do all you can for her. Tell her you love her. Jesus clearly lets the church know in so many ways how much He loves it. Jesus does things for the church beyond imagination and never ask anything in return. We should never treat our wives in a way that when we do any little thing for them we expect to receive payment or reward. This is a strong commandment concerning marriage and one when put into practice would save a lot of marriages from divorce. I found the following poem I will leave you with.



Tell Her So
Amid the cares of married life,
In spite of toil and business strife,
If you value your sweet wife,
Tell her so!
There was a time you thought it bliss
To get the favor of a kiss;
A dozen now won't come amiss-
Tell her so!
Do not act as if she has passed her prime,
As though to please her were a crime-
If e'er you loved her, now is the time;
Tell her so!
Never let her heart grow cold;
Richer beauties will unfold.
She is worth her weight in gold;
Tell her so!

Men are to lead
 

A man's first responsibility is to continually lead his wife to Christ. Talk about the sermons you hear together and share any special insights you have. You both might benefit from this comparing of perspectives, but it is your responsibility to ensure she understood the message.

Lead your family in prayer. Lead your family in enthusiasm for God and for church attendance. Lead your family in financial responsibility.

Jason is correct that the man living for his wife needs to be emphasized.

But the notion of the man dying for his wife must not be de-emphasized. So many men are wandering in search of meaning in their lives. When a woman holds her first-born, she is overcome with a sense of meaning for her life. But a man's life has value and meaning only insomuch as he is willing to lay it down for others. This is more than just chivalry, and the parallels to warrior cultures and military life, while appropriate, must be carefully drawn because not everything carries over to the Christian life. But learning to embue the principles of bravery, honor, and truthfulness will give any man newfound confidence in himself and to succeed.

A man must also take the lead in resolving those "domestic disputes." Somebody must lead the effort for reconciliation, promotion of understanding, apologies, and agreement. The wisdom in this concern is in knowing what things are worth standing your ground for, and what things call for compromise. The man should take the lead to ensure that the sun doesn't go down on either of your wrath. In these times it is helpful to remember that the woman is the weaker vessel. It is harder for her to overcome pride, prejudice and vanity. Lead her out by your Godly example.

I could get in to the reasons why our culture finds itself over-run by several generations of adult boys, but let's suppose that that is either already understood or too lengthy to discuss without changing topics.


Here is the other half of the equation: All of the leadership and self-sacrifice in the world won't help a marriage if the woman isn't worthy of the sacrifice. All you've got to do is listen to Dr. Laura in the car for an hour or two to realize that our nation is filled with men who go through the motions of doing the right things, and their wives mistreat them anyway. Specifically, what I am talking about are women who do not honor or respect their husbands even though the husbands behave honorably and respectably. The women in such cases focus in on the minutia of the man's imperfections, and can't see the forest for the trees. The bases are covered, i.e., he goes to work, brings home the check, stays faithful, isn't abusive, takes care of things at home, and yet she is willing to run the course of the marriage under the yellow flag because she doesn't like some aspect, trait, or habit.

At the root of this is ingratitude, but for our purposes here the main issue is to nip this in the bud by selecting the right kind of woman in the first place. A man must train his son what to look for in a wife. There's more to it than a pretty face. The best way to evaluate a woman is to watch her interact with her family. Does her mother adore her father? That's a good sign. How does her mother treat her father? If her father isn't present in the home, how does her mother respond to authority? How does her mother respond to male authority? How does the girl treat her father? How does she treat her mother? How does she treat strangers that cannot possibly do anything for her? A young man of maritable age would do well to read the book of Proverbs first.

This isn't to say that God can't change a specific woman's nature. But your marriage will have the best chance for success if she has at least had the opportunity to pick up the most beneficial habits. Presuming that you are committed to striving to attain all that you can in Christian manhood, of course. Both oars need to be in the water.

Before a man looks to be married, he should wander down some grocery store aisles to get a price check on diapers and formula. Then he should do a little minivan math. Are you financially prepared to provide shelter, food and clothing for at least two people? If you aren't you have the main strike against you before you even begin. If you can afford it, you still have to prepare yourself emotionally to sacrifice some of your bachelor extravagances. You'll need to save money for things like orthodontia, college, and weddings. A woman cannot be at her best in a marriage unless she feels secure. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to create an environment that isn't one paycheck away from doom.

I'm curious to know how you evaluate your "role" as the man of your house?:king

this is a agood post, men are clearly missing in action in to many areas of this life, good for you guys for talking about this, it is worth it, if one more man steps up to the plate from hearing or reading this, god bless you,dt

I appreciate this thread jwharv. There is a ton about the role of women and little about the role of men. It is an unjust balance that women have to bear, unfortunately. Thanks for trying to balance out the scales!

Read my 3rd post...........................

You're not getting much traffic on this topic, are you Jason?

Christianity has been predominately female for centuries. Like it or not, we Apostolics have that in common with the Catholics, Anglicans, Lutherans etc.

Somebody here linked to an article recently that discussed the reasons why Christianity doesn't appeal to masculine men, and the reasons why the church has become feminized.

Modes and songs of worship have become feminized. The entire church experience is designed to provide a sense of security and comfort; it's designed to appeal to women. The rare opportunities for a masculine man to participate in leadership are usually already filled by the pastor, his family, and the church board. So just like in higher education, the masculine men decide, somewhat rightly so, that it's not geared for them, there's no place for them to grow, and they opt out and find something more engaging to do with their time.

The Muslims and the Greek Orthodox church have greater male involvement, but both of these faiths also preach total male dominion of the home and marriage(s).

Your more rowdy men are also opting out of marriage, since our feminized American society gives women the upper hand. Wives don't need to commit themselves to making their marriages work like they used to, since they know they can fall back on the full force of the law and the courts to coerce men into conforming to their wishes. Men, choose your wives carefully . . .

very true.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Hate-G.../dp/0785260382

My husband has a hard time being the Spiritual head of our house and I think it is mostly because of how he was raised. He has a desire to become the Spiritual leader in our home and has promised me that he would put forth more of an effort towards that goal. He did not have any Spiritual leadership in his home growing up, so how is he supposed to know or learn? Even though he has been "in" the church for about 10 years now, spiritually he is still a babe and is satisfied in this place. I, however, was raised Apostolic and do consider myself the Spiritual leader of my home, but I'm not sure how to encourage him to take the role and step aside when his mentality is so different from mine. To me...it is not an option to just not go to church one night just because I don't want to. Plus I hold a position in the church that requires me to be there, but he does not understand my need/desire to be at every service. His spiritual desires and commitments come in spurts and are not always constant, it is very exhausting for me.

Any Suggestions?

Is there strong male leadership in your church? Are there very masculine men who love church and it's routine?

It's tough for a normal man to get all fired up and stay all fired up about settling into a comfortable, secure routine. To say nothing about feminized worship and church services. Where's the battle? Where's the conquest?

Your husband needs to find God's calling upon his life. Once he has a mission to fulfill, something that he can conquer and gain mastery of that he can call his own, he will begin to grow and go. He might find some role that supports the operation of your local church in some way. But you should prepare yourself, too, and be sure you really want and are ready for change. He also might whisk you past Sis. Alvear on your way to convert the cannibals of South America. :aaa :bolt

There are very Strong leaders in our Church and he looks up to and respects both of our Pastors.
We just completed a marriage coarse lead by one of our Pastors and it was during this time that I expressed my need for him to "step up" and by the end of the coarse he agreed that was something he wanted to do.
But I need to learn how to encourage this without "nagging".

Some from a woman´s view:

Well, someone told me if I walk into a restaurant if several families were eating together and the men are all seated at one table and women at another it is the ACI if they are sitting as families it is the UPC! And it was not told in jest they were serious...
I posted teasing...but I do think teachings along these lines are very important and DEPENDING how it is taught brings good or bad results. WE need good Bible teachers not offensive men that all they know for anointing is spitting in a mike...
I do not have to worry about having a good husband that is kind but some pastor´s wives I know I would hate to be in their shoes.
For example and I have seen things like this a lot after church we went to their house for a "snack" and after he was out of hearing she said to me, "Sister Alvear, I love you so much and if I had known you were coming I would have cooked something nicer...but my husband never tells me anything". She went on to tell me "church wise" she knew nothing much that was going on.Yes, he is a MACHO man...but a poor family leader.

There may be things Brother Alvear does not want me to know but I doubt it. We pray together over problems. We plan things together and until we all learn God´s plan we are going to see more homes destroyed by lack of communication.
Women tend to see details men seem to see a overall view. So we need both views. One pastor told me, Sister Alvear my wife is kind of dumb church wise. I didn´t say anything just smiled but I thought, takes a dummy to marry a dummy...
There is usually a reason if the wife does not respect her husband...Christian women respect men that pray, men that are godlike in their relationships.
Brother Alvear and I have been married for this year will make 35 years.
We are from different countries and live in yet another country, his native language is Spanish mine is English and our home and life language is Portuguese! Three cultures, three languages is enough in itself for problems but we have a little custom. We pray at night together, we talk over our different views and opinions and as a woman I accept him to be my leader and my covering.
He is the man of the house and the pastor of our church and the bishop of our work.
I am more emotional than he is (usually a female trait) BUT he is ROCK steady and I know I can depend on him to make a good decision because mine might be based on emotion.
Both women and men need to realize their strong and weak points and that is how we help each other. He still opens the car door for me, brings me flowers. In fact he brought me flowers yesterday from town.
We decide together how things will be. Since English is my native language I take care of our letters and our American bookwork. He takes care of the Portuguese side...
For families to be strong there must be togetherness and Unity of purpose. There cannot be two sides pulling opposite directions.
Just some thoughts…maybe more later

Your husband needs to find God's calling upon his life. Once he has a mission to fulfill, something that he can conquer and gain mastery of that he can call his own, he will begin to grow and go. He might find some role that supports the operation of your local church in some way. But you should prepare yourself, too, and be sure you really want and are ready for change. He also might whisk you past Sis. Alvear on your way to convert the cannibals of South America. :aaa :bolt[/QUOTE]


I feel very Confident that he has a calling on his life, he has felt that desire and burden to win souls for Christ. But as I stated before it comes in spurts. He is a very influencial man, especially with young men and teen age boys. People are drawn to him and want to know his out look, and he is even a good speaker. Several years ago he helped me teach a glass in our Wednesday night program, and then on Sundays he helped with a special needs child. Due to his work schedule we had to turn that over to someone else, and things went down from there. He even sang duets with me on occasion.
Both of our Pastors have stated to us personally (and recently) that they see a great work for his future. But I don't see that he has grasped that Word, it's almost as if he's is trying to ignore it.

Thank you Sister Alvear, I think you are a dear Person and I know that My Bishop's wife (Sis. Peters) thinks very highly of you. I am new to this forum and have learned a lot about you while reading some of your post. You are an awesome, insightful lady with a lot to offer those that will listen.
Please Pray for my husband that he will find his place and step into God's Will for his life. God bless.

I love them also. It has been many years since have been in that area. I would love to see them. Please give them my best regards.

Well, Sis. Alvear, I'm not promoting knuckle-draggin loutishness any more than I am promoting immasculated manhood. It's all about finding the balance for your team, as you have so kindly and elegantly described in your personal circumstances. The division of labor, leveraging of skills, and minimization of weaknesses are all key.

Wise husbands, such as yours, encourage and develop the latent talents they discern in their wives so that they may more fully complement their own talents. They don't consider their wives strengths to be a threat, but a blessing.

Struggling with the Juggling isn't unusual.

He's concerned about the shift in balance that would occur in his daily routine as he considers allotting more time to God's calling. Where does that time come from? The choices are typically grim: Paid work or sleep.

Making such changes is a leap of faith, and requires that the house be otherwise in order.

Whether we realize it or not our children are watching us and we transmit a message to them that many times will become a part of their personalities. That among many reasons is why the man and wife must have a level head.
If we want strong sons we must have strong fathers. We live in an age where young people as a whole have no conception of what real life is all about. I KNOW...lots come to my home from the states. They cannot cook, iron and want to sleep all day! They are experts in courting but work and discipline is a foreign word to most. (Not all)
I am putting some personal things here so hope you don´t mind but the Bible does say for the older women to teach the younger. Where are our older women that is supposed to be teaching the younger women?
I did not have much of this worlds goods to give my children but teaching them how to cook, how to clean their homes is a priceless gift. Don´t think the television is going to do that for you or some babysitter!
We learn a lot from God´s words to Moses...

Deut. 6: 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:

5And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

6And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

8And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

9And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

10And it shall be, when the LORD thy God shall have brought thee into the land which he sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give thee great and goodly cities, which thou buildedst not,

11And houses full of all good things, which thou filledst not, and wells digged, which thou diggedst not, vineyards and olive trees, which thou plantedst not; when thou shalt have eaten and be full;


Instead of the lastest gadgets and trying to hold down two jobs to pay for it all and the mother working it might be better to live more simple and have less things and your children by your side...I don´t mean always living next door our only blood son lives probably 1500 hundred miles from us but we are united in purpose. Our love is the same, our values are the same. Why is this? We taught him!
When people that know us see us, the comment is always the same...My how he sings like Brother Alvear, he has his mother´s out going personality. He does this like his dad or does something like his mother...We impart qualities into our children...
(more later)

Yes, I understand OP...We need men...godly men, men that lead, men that know how to be men...Never in the history of the church do we need men like we need them now. May God raise up thousands and thousands of godly me...
MEN: Please lead the way for us ladies...we are counting on your strength in these dark hours. Thank You...from me and hosts of women whose hearts beat with joy to see OUR men at the gates protecting us.

I want nothing less!!:praying

I read a statistic the other day that shocked me - 24% of households in America are what you consider traditional household- with man and woman with children who are married. I find this so interesting that what was considered God's plan for the home is now the minority of homes in America.

and so sad...so very sad...

This is sad but not surprising...........

Oh, for Biblical values!

Let me get back with you after checking with my wife... : )

Check on brother check on....ha....

Where is the hen pecked emoticon????:slaphappy:slaphappy