Children in Church
 

This subject was brought up in another thread, but I thought it deserved it's own thread.

Crying children or unruly children are a distraction in a church service.

As a grandfather, I'm torn between having the kids go to the nursery or children's church during services vs. having the children experience a family worship and preaching.

At my church, children never experience the main services until they're teenagers. When my own children started attending services, they were uncomfortable for awhile.

I grew up sleeping on top or under pews during preaching. My mom made me behave so I wouldn't be a distraction. At times she wasn't successful! :slaphappy Anyway, I grew up experiencing church!

Where should we draw the line when it comes to our children attending church services? What is the age when they should start experiencing the things that happen in our services?

I think they need to be in church services at least some right from the beginning. That's where they'll learn how to behave in church. If coming to church to them always only means playing in the nursery or whatever, then indeed until they are a lot older, they won't even understand anything about church services.

I believe they need to be trained to sit on a pew from the beginning. You are going to have to take them out from time to time for discipline, but that is all part of the training.

I have a sister in a Baptist church that doesn't advocate separating the families and thinks you shouldn't have SS or Children's Church.

As the Lord opened that door to teach both in my life I can' be against it. If God was against it, He wouldn't have opened the door, IMO.

I believe it gives any mother and father a break to listen to the preaching and not have to juggle their children.

As a mother, I did appreciate SS. JMHO.

We have usually had a night service on Sunday night and so the kids did get to experience the adult service. Lots of churches are doing away with that.

When I was a child, we had Sunday School for all, and then the Sunday Morning Service. I have always liked that, though is seems to be a thing of the past now. You were able to learn in Sunday School, and then worship to the singing and preaching during the regular service.

I notice, in my church anyway, that parents don't seem to discipline their children anymore. They are whiny, disruptive, and if they are taken out, nothing is done.

When my kids were toddlers, they got taken out. My son was one who just asked for it....LOL! He got his spankin, and we came back in and sat down. He only went to the nursery for SS, never for regular service.

I wasn't 'in church' at the time, but would attend with my mother. The pastor, who was mine the entire time I grew up there, admonished me from the pulpit to put him in the nursery, but I refused. My mother also didn't put him in the nursery when she brought him.

I think children should be taught, perhaps from about the age of two, how to behave in service. They can play, eat a snack, whatever, but they can be taught to do those things quietly.

Amen! Ours were taught that this is God's house and we need to respect that! Spankings ensued if they didn't mind.

My husband was covering our daughter's mouth and allllll the way down the aisle she was saying, "No, daddy. No. daddy."

Muffled, but you could hear her! lol

My former pastor's wife, Mother Dunlap, instructed that you don't wait until service time to teach your children to sit still in service. The teaching begins at home where you show them "this is prayer time and this is what we ," and "this is what we do when they read the Scriptures."

You give them their quiet times and teach them how to do and what to do in the house of God...you show them how to sit still at home first.

And SS is great...

That's a great idea. Never thought of that. We just whipped them if they didn't mind. lol My daughter got the most whippings being she is like me! :D

Churches should be equipped with "cry rooms". My grandmother attends a Roman Catholic church that has a soundproof room. It is a place to sit if you have crying and unruly children. There is large glass window so those conformed to the room can see what is going on in the service. It is equipped with speakers, so the people can hear the service. There is also a bathroom available.

We sure got whipped...

People need to be taught respect because it sure does seem to come anymore with experience.

I'm noticing that even during a message in tongues people walk in and out and kids keep on playing.

We knew as kids that if you are walking or talking or whatever, stop...this is the Lord speaking.

I was a very good child and don't remember getting whippings. When I turned 18 that is another story and my husband threatened me with it. LOL! Go ahead, baby, make my day!

:killinme

I have seen that! Totally amazes me! I saw a group of people walking out during tongues and interpretation during camp meeting because it was lunch time.

I think ideally, children need to be taught to behave in service. If they are too young or have other issues, then take them out. And please, DON"T sit on the front row if you have young or unruly children.

There is a really good book on training young children to behave in church.
I bought it years ago since my youngest is ten.I started with them as babies
in the prayer room.They have never felt that anything in service is strange as its all very familiar.My middle daughter sings on the platform and specials and also teaches Sunday School.The youngest is on her way.She loves church.
I did not take them out or spank them.I simply went into the nursery for a talk and then right back on the pew.They learned and its been a success.
Taking a bag with crayons and color books works when they are little if they
are the fidgeting type.You just have to instruct them not to color on the pews.I always have told them to look me straight in the eyes and when they did I simply commanded them...obey me.Discipline does not start in the church building.It starts at home when they are born.You train them up.
Training is not punishment it is correction in love with consequences explained.
People want to not do this and then get a look of exasperation when little Joe or Jill act out definantly in public.When you say no its always no not no now and yes later.You have to remain firm.

This one is easy...whup em', game over.

Or...take that good book and...whup em' wit it!!!!:slaphappy

First of all, being bored and restless in church is childish behavior...not bad behavior, and therefore has to be corrected as such. We don't spank our children unless they are deliberately disobedient or defiant. Wiggling too much during a long sermon certainly doesn't qualify as spank-worthy.

Secondly, I think that churches have an obligation to be child/family-friendly IF they are going to require that mothers attend all services with small children in tow. Quite frankly, if a woman is going to have to sit in the nursery with her infant or toddler the entire service, what is the point of her being there?

I like churches that don't have [saints who have] hissy fits when kids jump up and down with the music or occasionally make the wrong turn in albuquerque and end up where they shouldn't be.

That said.

All three of our children have been sitting tidily on the front row during worship/music since they were 2 or 3, and sitting next to us during the preaching. We expect them to stay awake, and sit on the pew. We expect them to be quiet and listen. We do not provide them with toys or books or drawing utensils or games. (Although we did when they were very small.) We accomplished that with consistency and patience. And a few mishaps. (But not too many...) There was the one time when Hannah stripped down to her diaper on the front pew until a good hearted elderly lady behind her came to the rescue (since both her Daddy and I were in the middle of music)...and the time she followed the choir into the choir loft, and I turned around to direct, only to find Hannah standing in the middle of the soprano section...Or the time Jeffrey went up to the drum cage (which sits off the platform), and was knocking on the glass/waving excitedly to get the drummer's attention.

More recently...I was helping a friend set up in back for an after-church graduation party, and I sent Jeffrey to ask the Pastor's wife a question (she was in the fellowship hall), and he went looking for her in the auditorium, right in the middle of the sermon.....LOL!!!!!! (All the way up to the front and back and to the front again, and then Pastor T said...."Jeffrey, please sit down.") (He was crushed, and that one was MY fault...I should have reminded him of where Pastor's wife was....)

Anyway...the point is...children can and should be taught to be respectful and well-behaved in church. BUT...at the same time, I don't think they should be harshly disciplined when they are simply being children, nor do I think that church needs to be pin-drop quiet at all times. (I hope it isn't....)

Two sided coin...we expect good behavior and correct it when it isn't [good], and the church should be reasonably tolerant of childlike behavior. I do not believe that all toddlers and infants should be summarily escorted to nurseries. That should be the choice of the parent, and if there is behavior occuring that requires them to leave, then so be it. If there is a significant problem with a child or children, the pastor should address it privately with the parents. Other children shouldn't be banned from service just because a few don't know how to behave.

Like someone else said, I think when you stick children in nursery, and then children's church where everything is entertainment, games and SUGAR, they never learn how to act during a service. Why shouldn't they play around and goof off at age 12, when they have done it all along?

Excellent words here, Abi...as usual. You sound like a young mother with a good on your shoulders, girl.

This shows again why you are one of my favorite members here. Can we punish wiggling adults, or those who have to troop to the bathroom and back also? :smack

Great thoughts on children, and I agree with Barb, you are doing a great time with yours it appears!

I can see both sides of this issue, being on staff at church. I think kids need the worship experience with their parents, but if you have them stay in, there are always those crying babies who the parents wait and wait and wait to take out. It's very distracting to the speaker, and it's awful when you're recording for TV or even CD's. Our kids and babies are not in the service on Sundays; they have their own church. But once a month on Wednesdays, they are in the sanctuary with their folks for an "Encounter Service" where we really focus on praise & worship and the power of God.

So true! I was watching LA camp online and caught myself shaking my head in amazement at a singer on the platform talking nonstop to the person beside her while Lee Stoneking was preaching the Word. I was blown away.

And we wonder why our kids misbehave....

And before anybody starts in on me... no, I don't sit around watching others. She was just very distracting. :haloplug

Good post, Sherri. Some churches have a Sunday night service, like ours, that give the children an opportunity to participate with the adults.

I wish I had a picture of this little girl that was standing at the front Sunday night, about 3 years old, blond hair, blue eyes and fat cheeks with her hair piled on top of her head. She was lifting her hands worshiping, clapping and singing. So cute!!! I couldn't stop watching her! lol

That is a distraction! Or when you are asked to testify and the speaker starts talking to one of the singers! Hilarious!

I'll never forget Mark Hanby while preaching a sermon in Ft. Worth when we attended his church in 1976.

There was a baby crying and crying.

He stopped his sermon, looked at the mother and said,

"Treat it like a new years resolution and carry it out"!

She got the message....

we have a nursery. it is for ages 0-4. my son is 4 and sits with me in church. he went to the nursery MAYBE 3 times. NOT MANY! there are kids that i KNOW are 3 and 4 years old and MAY have sit in church 4 or 5services....and i dont think they even made it pass the singing part. my suggest is let them learn from age 1!

i also sat near the back in case i needed to take my son out.

I only went to the nursery for obvious reasons. Sure didn't want to sit in there and so many women loved passing the kids around and holding them that I had plenty of times to get into the service.

yeah.....i know what you mean. gotta hold the new babies :-)

It's a nice break in the service. Of course, if they cried, which mine never did, or hardly ever - we took them out right away.

When my son was two he swallowed a penny. I don't know where he got it. One of the youth was sitting behind us and told me about it later. He was choking and I grabbed him and went up the aisle - very fast. The pressure caused him to spit it up, but I didn't know what had happened!

Why didn't that boy reach over and take it away or let me know! Arghhh!

This is what we have done and it has worked well.