Wedding question
 

If a couple have had sex before marriage would you let them marry in your church with the bride in white?

Are their general rules the American church goes by or does every church do their own thing?
How serious does the American church deal with fornication?

Did Felicity log in as Sis. Alvear??? :D j/k Felicity

Sis. Alvear, in my experience, they did not call attention to the bride by not having her wear white. In my parts, it's sort of a tradition not to be married in white for a second marriage, but that's a different issue altogether.

Another question. Does the pastor ask each couple before they marry if they have abstained?

Judgement begins at the house of God.

If they are in the Church and no longer are "doing" it, God has forgiven them, so it is as if they have never done it.

Besides wearing white is mostly traditional anyway.

Good greif..we meddle in to much affairs.

Let them marry in white.

Please tell me where in the bible do we get our instructions that a bride wears a white wedding dress anyway. Or where does it say if said bride is not a virgin that the pastor should shame her in her happiest of days!!

It would depend if they came in from the world yes. But if they are saints then no. If they have genuinely repented I would marry them but she couldn't wear white. I think most pastors would not allow the bride to wear white.

LOL!

I just can't imagine a minister asking the question myself! Unfortunately, I'm sure there are some that have.

"What has come to be viewed as the 'traditional' white wedding dress is of recent invention. Up until Victorian times brides decked themselves out in their best finery; they did not rush out to buy something new for the occasion. The ostentatiously impractical white dress became popular among the Victorian upper classes chiefly for its defects: one had to be well off to afford such an opulent creation, one which would only be worn once."

http://www.snopes.com/weddings/customs/dress.asp

Regardless, what matters is that people still think "impure" if a bride dresses in anything but white. Because of that, where I'm from at least, if a bride is wanting to be known as pure she wears white. Many people who have fornicated, however, wear white just to please tradition, to avoid embarrassment, or just because they prefer it. I have never seen anyone throw a fit because someone wore white who "wasn't pure." This is an observation from a middle class, southern American perspective.

So, you would ask them in order to know whether she should wear white or not?

You don't run in the same circle Epley runs in apparently :killinme

Yep, just stuck my foot in my mouth - huh?:driving

Say what? You wouldn't allow them to wear white? Like it's any of your business in the first place............DUH? Brother, you leave me dumbfounded sometimes. You try to tell me how you don't run around trying to control people's lives and then you post something like this..............:thumbsdown

I pastor the church they could NOT wear white in the church in a wedding if they had committed fornication. If they want to get married at the courthouse or the justice of the peace I wouldn't care but in the church it becomes MY business then.

So you ask each couple before you marry them?

Where is the bible for what a bride wears in a church today Br Epley???

Is it perhaps in the same book that forbidsa NT Christian to have any facial hair??

If these people were in the world and repented ,yes wearing white would be ok.If they were in the church and had repented, I would think wearing white would still be ok.

There is none but white means purity in wedding ceremonies thus to wear white with that understanding is a mockery. Some girls really do stay clean until they marry and they deserve the difference.

Sorry, Brother, but you have your nose stuck in areas where you have no business sticking it. Show me even one scripture that shows it's any of your business in the first place. I am going to log out now before I say what's really on my mind.

I am not asking to stir up ruffles...I teach our young people´s class and questions have been asked and I am trying to help OUR young people. I do not mean someone coming in from the world.
Do you folks have guide lines for your young people? Do you have good study books for them?
How does youth pastors work out in the states?

Bro. Epley...I really disagree with you on this one! Perhaps we should also make the bride show the bridal bed sheets the next morning as well!?????

No, I think that is going too far. Let the bride wear whatever she wishes. What is important is that the couple is making the union official, and that should be encouraged.

Just curious: What do you make the men wear that is different from the virginal groom? Wouldn't they also "deserve the difference?" Or is it only the bride that bears the shame of the indiscretion?

I kinda thought so.

This reminds so of your arguments on facial hair where you declared the below concerning men withbeards:

Originally Posted by steveepley:
There are Pentecostal churches all around me they can go to Heaven from there I will share. Feeling generous today. Yes this is God's church but I am the poor example of the nit-wit he placed over this work and I am so small-minded andcontrolling I say NOT HERE!(deadhorse)I will tell them GO TO HEAVEN but not from here!!!
__________________________________________________ __________

It's just because I said so!!!!

I love working with young people. Many confide in me and depend on my love and guidance. I have always tryed to give them a mother´s advice from God´s point of veiw.

Sister Alvear, purity should certainly be taught upon, and principles can be instilled that will help young people make good decisions when temptation presents itself. However, I don't think that punishing the bride by disallowing a certain color of wedding gown is helpful at all.

It would be more considerate to insist on no church wedding at all, than to make such a public distinction. Talk about the Scarlet Letter! Goodness.

I have heard about pastors who refuse to allow the couple to marry in the sanctuary. They are allowed to have a ceremony outside on the church grounds or in the church hall, but NOT in the sanctuary. This is ridiculous. Even if it was a 'church' couple that slipped up, if they have repented -they are forgiven. Who are you or I to hold their transgression against them? It's a slap in the face to say "God forgave you, but we didn't.. so you must get married outside of the sanctuary.." If it were up to some, they'd stitch a scarlet letter into the wedding garments...

You can go to heaven with a beard but a fornicator cannot go to heaven except he/she repents.

Man, times have changed...wow! I heard all of this in the secular world but now the church?? And remember, I ain't a Ucon!!!

It is MY opinion (yes mine so I'm entitled to it) that the virgin marriage is the best option and that we make a statement with a white dress, nuf said by me.

Prevention is worth a pound of cure...but when there is a problem...I think Jesus' response to the adulteress woman is a good example that we should follow. He did NOT proceed with any public humiliation, even though the law called for it, and far more.

I'd bet that no such distinction is put on the man at Epley's church. Just the women bear the shame!


That's a shame!!

Sis. Alvear there is a series called True Love Waits that has been used for many years and offers some good material.
http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f1...aig/R-1347.jpg
My daughter actually wears this ring as does her boyfriend.

What happened to the days where there was consequences to your actions? Now it's all lovey dovey forgive forgive googly shmoogly gospel????? There are consequences for sin, remember that word???SIIIIIIINNN, sheesh!

Elder Epley is a well respected Pastor and I respect how he draws his lines.
I don't Pastor and if I did I would proably draw my lines differently but as a Christian minister, the Elder has my respect.

They are forgiven I personally will perform the ceremony in the church however I think a couple who keeps themselves clean deserves a little honor in this perverse world. A white dress does just that and I mention they have kept themselves every young person does not commit fornication.

EGG_ZACTLY...you withold forgivness and shall be withheld from you.

Cast the first stone.!!!


Yes, there are consequences. Most of them are spiritual. Others, you can see the result of your actions with the 'naked' eye.

That is true...but by getting married and making their union "godly", I think that is a step in the right direction...and the ceremony itself should simply be focused on the seriousness of their commitment--not a time to display all their past failures!

When I think of the young people in our church...if one of them failed in this area, I can't imagine desiring to humiliate them in some way...nor do I see the need to humiliate them so the virginal brides can look even more pristine by comparison.

and how would we really know if they repented or if they cried because they got caught?
We do have guidelines we go by but I was just wondering what stateside people teach about purity...
I have watched in over 40 years of ministry those that kept themselves pure before marriage seemed to have little trouble along those lines after marriage. Not 100 % of the time but as a rule in dealing with thousands of people over the years.
I want to help those I teach not only today but in the years to come.

A different colored dress ain't no stone bro. That would be a public hailing of rocks...this is not that. Just a statement to others on the purity of a virgin marriage...

So how do the men signify their purity? And how do the impure ones share the shame with their brides?

Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.