Healthy versus Unhealthy Relationships
 

Have you ever heard the "still small voice of God" warning you to let go of an unhealthy relationship? Recently, I have been evaluating some of my relationships, and have decided that, without realizing it, I had made some unhealthy friendships with a few folks who wanted to destroy my relationship with sound doctrine.

I had thought that we could peacefully coexist with doctrinal differences, but these friends were not happy with that. They subtly tried to push me to accept trintarianism and all sorts of other false teachings. I eventually picked up on the fact that they were really mocking me and what I believed, so I decided it would be best to spend time with others who, at the very least, shared some very basic doctrinal disctinctives with me.

All of that got me thinking about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. How does one determine if a friendship is healthy or not?

Here are several questions that may be helpful in determining if a friendship is good for you.

1. Is this relationship worth the amount of work required to maintain it?
2. Does this person make me feel good about myself? Am I uncomfortable around them?
3. Is this friend competitive with me in a negative way?
4. Do I like who I am when I’m with them? Or do we seem to bring out the worst in each other?
5. How deeply can I trust this person? Could I count on them if I needed to? Could I share my feelings freely?
6. Do we have common interests and values? If not, do I benefit from the differences?
7. Am I receiving as much as I give?
8. If I gave this relationship the effort it deserves, would it benefit me and enrich my life?

The people you choose to surround yourself with should inspire you to be the absolute best you can be. They should want what is best for you. They should always build you up, and never tear you down. They should never encourage you to do wrong.

Real friends have no hidden agenda. They operate in truthfulness.

The bible says that "Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint" (Prov. 25: 19)

Make sure that your friendships come "with no strings attached."

Thank you Daniel.

That is very kind of you to say.

I wouldn't say it is a revelation, just a new awareness. I believe there is a lot of truth in the old adage "you are what your friends are."

I don't want to be what some of those acquaintances are.

I am happy with what I believe.

I refuse to bow to false doctrine to save friendships.

'

Nor have you been asked to .... but I respect you for this week's decision. Be reminded that you can call whenever you need a friend.

I think PP is right...

I've always told the boys "you become who you hang out with"...sometimes out intentions starting out are good...but can become muddled over time...

I do agree w/ many of his conclusions ... what PP. however, is battling is deeper, IMO. Often we do not realize that for every action ... there is a reaction. We are all responsible for our words, actions and decisions ... even when we initiate threads or respond in kind.

I always like to hang out with folks who have differing opinions and views. It helps to keep me well rounded and sharp.

You will usually find out things that will cause you to question your own beliefs and this is almost always a good thing.

It is true that I have been, and am, in a gargantuan internal struggle over the past few months. However, that struggle is not doctrinal, it is directional.

I place a very high value on friendship. I do not take friendships lightly, or treat them cavalierly, but there are limits to friendships.

Often my passion for certain issues is mistaken for emotionalism. Nothing could be more untrue. There are just some core distinctives that are not open for debate.

I never want to lead people astray.

We are also responsible for our fellowship...

I have no problem being "friends" with someone who disagree's with me doctrinally but do not consider them to be a "brother of like faith or passions"...

Considering them to be equal in love yes...equal in mercy yes...but not equal in Truth...and that is the difference...

Do I think some can believe a lie and die never knowing the truth yes...

Do I think some can know the Truth and die never making heaven yes...

Doctrinal Truth is a Great Responsibility when one has received the Revelation ..it is our responsibility to share it to whomever we can...

Telling those that are not in the truth they are wrong on Doctrine... but can come to know that Truth and it will set them free...

Courting those who not in Truth will justify their belief more than to help them understand their blindness....

I do believe the UPC and Oneness Organizations have the Truth concerning Doctrine.... and the Trinitarians have swallowed Catholicism and False Doctrine and it will lead them to Hell... Unless they come to the Truth of WHO He is...

You can't have it both ways...

That being said...

I love Everybody.... and I have friends who are Not in the Truth or have forsaken it...and I still talk with them...and I have let them know..that even tho' I disagree with them... I am still their friend.... and love them....
imo..

In our quest for direction we will hear differing viewpoints and perspectives from our own brethren

.... yet in the Body we called to unity and NOT UNIFORMITY ... some have chose closed fellowship w/ the Christian bretheren and other's seek an AGAPE-like type fellowship.

Doctine is extremely important ... but let's not confuse things like views on the moderate consumption of alcohol w/ the Mighty God in Christ.

This is not about one issue, and you take great liberty in assuming too much.

However, general ministerial attitudes of blatant permissiveness in all fleshly lusts disturbs me greatly. To revel in a substance that has caused a tremendous amount of heartache and pain is shameful.

Further, there must be uniformity in biblical doctrine. We can know truth.

Trinitarianism is a damnable doctrine.

Totally agree Randy.

Great thread!

Once again our perspectives as to intents have diverged. You are entitled to your pespective even if it's founded on faulty information and HYPERBOLE.

I believe we can know truth ... agreed ....

But our movement was founded on divergent views when it comes to soteriology .. the when, who, how we are saved....

the modern intolerant view is not in touch w/ our heritage .... it is IMO .... NON-APOSTOLIC.

My friends and I don't agree on everything. And we don't pretend to agree just to get along. We're able to be friendly about our disagreements. BUT...I'm not going to spend a lot of time with people who make me feel bad, or insult me, or who "bring me down", or are otherwise a negative influence in my life.

Choose your friends carefully.

That said, if you have a friend that chooses some path or belief that causes them to be less than compatible or ideal, it would be wrong to desert them. A friend loveth at all times. Conversely, there are lines that can be crossed, and its up to the individual to decide what those lines are.

Choosing to abstain from close fellowship with someone doesn't mean you can't still love them and be kind to them.

As always clear, balanced and filled w/ COMMON SENSE, Brat.

RR,

How close are you with those you are friends with who are not in the Truth? I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to those of different beliefs and being friendly with them but how friendly before what they believe rubs off on you?

I have friends at work who would invite me out for drinks after work. I've told them I don't drink. I've been there and done that but now that I'm a Christian I'm not into drinking anymore. They would still invite me and say drink soda or lemonade. But I know I would be uncomfortable with the surroundings and more so with their conversation...gossip, sexual innuendos, which tends to loosen up with a few drinks. So I politely decline. Yet I'm friendly with them at work. We discuss family, work problems, and general things and sometimes faith in God.

How close a friendship can you have to someone who believes basic foundational doctrines differently than you do?

:scoregood

That's as about as close as I come to... I do have some close friends who know what I believe as they used to believe the same...but probably wouldn't invite me to participate knowing what I believe...

I have talked about mutual respect with some I am friends with... I respect their boundaries and they respect mine... even tho I disagree with them...

but as far as hanging around folks or spending a lot of time...it's with those who I know are doctrinally sound and of like faith...

To much difference tends to sway the balance no matter how strong a person is... and to little difference tends to cement the heart...so there really needs to be a balance beam of walking together... imo... if that makes any sense...

I can love someone without spending time with them. Sometimes loving someone requires us to remove ourselves from them.

The entire premise of some friendships is faulty. Some befriend you with an ulterior motive in mind. Some are only kind when you enable their horrible habits and doctrines. Some only believe in tolerance when tolerance is extended to them, and in return they are completely intolerant of those with firm convictions.

I believe in truthfulness in friendships.

I don't appreciate hidden motives and agendas.

Daniel, you've left the Oneness Pentecostal movement and don't even realize it. Why do you say "our movement?" Your views are diametrically opposed to anything early Oneness Pentecostal pioneers believed.

Others have proven quite the opposite .... on this forum ... Early pioneers believed Trinitarians were saved and fellowshipped openly w/ them ...

It is your view that is anti-thetical to our common heritage.

Does being "Oneness" = beilieving in Acts 2:38 for salvation. When did that happen?

IMO I believe not all Trinitarians are going to hell, just like not all OP's are going to heaven

Proven?

Hilarious.

Daniel, you are a trinitarian.

Our heritage is not a common one.

I have never been anything but Oneness.

:pirate:pirate:pirate

Surely ... you know I'm MORE APOSTOLIC AND ONENESS THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, PP. And I mean that will all seriousness.

I admire the fervor and zeal, however. Misplaced but definitely honorable.

You have mastered HYPERBOLE.

Call yourself whatever you want to, but I have never, one time, ever, seen you defend Oneness doctrine.

Ever.

I don't like the word "Apostolic" anyway. You can have it.

Pro 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

I write this verse in the front of every new Bible I get.

PastorPoster, I certainly hope this isn't an original work.... and that you just copied it off some Dr. Phil self-help e-zine or something like that.... Selfishness and carnality permiate the core of the above list....

I would agree that there are a lot of me's and I's in some of his criteria for friendship.

I have articulated my Oneness view here on various occassions ... but find it redundants since 99.9% of us here are ONENESS.... IF YOU MEAN I HAVE TO CONDEMN TRINITARIANS WHILE DEFENDING THE PROVERBIAL FORT... then you can have it.

Dedend the truth and condemn the Trinitarian doctrine not the Trinitarian.

Actually I think sometimes Onetarians are afraid of becomming friends with those out in the mainstream...as though they will be convinced of something their pastor is doing his best to convince otherwise.

I think Onetarians also sequester themselves in their own little communities/circles/etc. and therefore can easily be considered to be elitists. I am not saying that, I am just saying that is the perception....true? False?

I don't see a whole lot of evangelistic effort being spent converting the mainstream church...just like the admonition of going into a bar or strip club to witness to the hairy unwashed.

:D

What is selfish about it?

I am concerned for my soul, and the souls of others around me. I have no intention of being dragged down into an abyss of mush just to save a friendship.

I will not hang around some folks for the same reason I would not go to a strip club, a bar, and an x-rated movie. I care about what I see, hear, and read. Why would I pollute myself with garbage?

How sensical is that?

Your percentage is a bit high there, Sparky.

True, but I go to an independent Oneness church that tells people to come as they are and doesn't preach a clothesline salvational message.

if your current friendships are making you seriously contemplate if your soul and it's eternal destination is in danger.... that alone suggests that you're in worse spiritual shape than you let on here on AFF.... you're an active pastor, correct???

Woah Nelly!

Come on Mal, I have an OVERALL concern for souls - especially mine.

My point is that I have no intention of wallowing in a hogtrough with people who know truth and don't want to live it.

Your post is a bit over the top. Your admin duties do not include "spiritual seer" as far as I know.

a) I'm sure you do have a sincere love and concern for souls.... I only asked if you pastored because your opinions/viewpoints regarding friendships could impact how you address your congregation in services and consult in counseling sessions. Am I correct??

b) I'm just posting like everyone else....

Regardless, I'm sorry if you interpreted my post as anything but sincere concern for you as a person.... :friend

Did you just coin that? :rolleyes:

And, "hairy unwashed?" :heeheehee