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-   -   Emma's Holy Answers (http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com/showthread.php?t=4203)

Emma Bontrager 05-29-2007 09:36 PM

Emma's Holy Answers
 
I know I haven't been on a lot...too much gardening to do and helping my neighbors learn to be holy. However, I have decided to take time out of my busy, busy schedule to lead you people into the ways of holiness. That is why I have started this thread, which I am sure will last for a long time. I know you will greatly appreciate my taking my time to do this. (I am sure I will get so many questions, I may have to interview for some help to answer them, if there is anyone here holy enough to actually help me out, which I doubt, so I will probably have to do it all myself). At any rate, I will take it step by martyred step, painfully and woefully taking gobs of my precious time (or 15 minutes whichever comes first) to help you poor misled people out. Who will be first?

Ron 05-29-2007 09:38 PM

Dear Emma, is the Internet bad? What about Forums like this one?

I thought that Amish weren't allowed stuff such as this?

Oh, and where do you get the Electricity to run the Computers?

Signed,

Bewildered in B.C.:hmmm

Hoovie 05-29-2007 09:43 PM

Emma, I hope yer generator is in good shape. you will need alot of power to run this thread. Better send Amos to town with the team for to get some gas.


PS You are welcome in my barn any time.

Emma Bontrager 05-29-2007 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ron (Post 132829)
Dear Emma, is the Internet bad? What about Forums like this one?

I thought that Amish weren't allowed stuff such as this?

Oh, and where do you get the Electricity to run the Computers?

Signed,

Bewildered in B.C.:hmmm

Hello Ron,

The internet is very evil. Forums are okay as long as you only get them in email format. I use my neighbors computer and electricity, so it doesn't count. Are you finding fault with me? It's that old hobgoblin of consistency that you are trying to pigeonhole me with. Well, it won't work for somebody who thinks half naked women on internet is okay but half naked women on TV is wrong!

Emma Bontrager 05-29-2007 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover (Post 132835)
Emma, I hope yer generator is in good shape. you will need alot of power to run this thread. Better send Amos to town with the team for to get some gas.


PS You are welcome in my barn any time.

You know I use my neighbors computer just like the Amish use their neighbors phone and rent car drivers. So, it doesn't count!

I wouldn't go into a barn owned by an Electric Amish person! :rockband:preach:preach

Trouvere 05-29-2007 09:57 PM

Emma he's too newfangled for you.Stick to your convictions girl!
Besides what nice Holy Ghost man would invite you out to his barn.
Think about it girl.Next thing you know he will be asking you to bake
him like six peach pies or something.

Emma Bontrager 05-29-2007 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere (Post 132861)
Emma he's too newfangled for you.Stick to your convictions girl!
Besides what nice Holy Ghost man would invite you out to his barn.
Think about it girl.Next thing you know he will be asking you to bake
him like six peach pies or something.

You know it Trouvere. Anybody who puts Electric and Amish in the same sentence will burn on the Lake O' Fire!

This very holy Amish woman is up way past her bedtime. I will be making breakfast very early tomorrow, but I will find some time to answer your questions tomorrow. I know you will be in line waiting. Please be patient and I will get to you as soon as I can. Take a number please.

Trouvere 05-29-2007 10:02 PM

Amen Emma I will be up early as well.As soon as the garden is tilled and all the cows milked walk over to the neighbors and borrow their computer
and drop me a line but only if the eggs are picked and the bisquits made.
I would not want to say I helped you become a slacker.You know what the
bible says about the sloth.

Sister Alvear 05-29-2007 10:07 PM

Know you must arise at sun up or before to get that cow milked but I heard your new neighbor has a computer so try to make friends as soon as possible...You might need to write us and telling us about those horses and buggies up your way...

Sister Alvear 05-29-2007 10:09 PM

glad to see you back...know that way of life keeps you busy and looking for a computer you can use in the barn somewhere is quite tiring... but girl you keep it up we sure like that amish food...

Hoovie 05-29-2007 10:10 PM

Too many women on this thread and too few pies.

Nough said.

Ron 05-29-2007 10:16 PM

Deer Emma,

Am I humble?

Hoovie 05-29-2007 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ron (Post 132893)
Deer Emma,

Am I humble?

Consider the vain ribbon around your neck. This speaks to the darkness in your heart - which is PRIDE.

Ron 05-29-2007 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover (Post 132897)
Consider the vain ribbon around your neck. This speaks to the darkness in your heart - which is PRIDE.


I wear ribbons??

Oh, that is just my ring around the collar-pay no attention.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere (Post 132874)
Amen Emma I will be up early as well.As soon as the garden is tilled and all the cows milked walk over to the neighbors and borrow their computer
and drop me a line but only if the eggs are picked and the bisquits made.
I would not want to say I helped you become a slacker.You know what the
bible says about the sloth.

Eggs aren't "picked". Sheesh. Beans are!

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sister Alvear (Post 132882)
glad to see you back...know that way of life keeps you busy and looking for a computer you can use in the barn somewhere is quite tiring... but girl you keep it up we sure like that amish food...

Yes, it's very hard on me to try and keep up with you English and try and help you know the true path to God. It's exhausting but must be done! It's been so long since I wrote about trinitarian pretzels, half the board probably doesn't know how evil they are! I must remember to post a reminder.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover (Post 132884)
Too many women on this thread and too few pies.

Nough said.

If things were right in the world, I would not even be on here. Alas, I wish I could be in the kitchen making pies. All I want to do is have babies and make MORE pies.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ron (Post 132893)
Deer Emma,

Am I humble?

No. Consider the advice of our ex-plain, gone English brother.......who should be in the MEIDUNG!

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ron (Post 132901)
I wear ribbons??

Oh, that is just my ring around the collar-pay no attention.

This is ridiculous. You wear that thing around your neck that screams "LOOK AT ME" and then say "Pay no attention!" This does speak of utter foolishness.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:21 AM

Okay, all of you who have been patiently waiting to ask me questions, I am here waiting to help you out of your spiritual darkness.

Timmy 05-30-2007 10:28 AM

Dear Emma,

How do you remain humble, when you are the holiest one on the entire forum? I am in awe.

Your humble, unholy admirer,

Timmy

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timmy (Post 133396)
Dear Emma,

How do you remain humble, when you are the holiest one on the entire forum? I am in awe.

Your humble, unholy admirer,

Timmy

Thank you, Timmy, for recognizing truth when you see it. You too, can be humble just like me. And you should WANT to be. Everyone on this forum should want to be just like me and give up their ridiculous notions that fancy is somehow better. For example, the English on this list (that call themselves Apostolic) think they are something when they keep their kids out of secular college and get them to attend Bible school. What they don't realize is that we Amish only send our kids to school through 8th grade which makes us holier than anybody! All the Apostolic English are doing is comparing themselves amongst themselves and thinking they are wise.

So, Timmy, are you ready to give up your worldly ways?

Timmy 05-30-2007 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma Bontrager (Post 133403)
So, Timmy, are you ready to give up your worldly ways?

Alas, I am unworthy of the honor of giving up my worldly ways.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timmy (Post 133408)
Alas, I am unworthy of the honor of giving up my worldly ways.

Is that some sort of excuse? Just how holy are you anyway? And don't give me this "My wife doesn't cut her hair and wears dresses" stuff.

BoredOutOfMyMind 05-30-2007 10:44 AM

Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get [you] to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm

Timmy 05-30-2007 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma Bontrager (Post 133411)
Is that some sort of excuse? Just how holy are you anyway? And don't give me this "My wife doesn't cut her hair and wears dresses" stuff.

Well, I don't own more than two computers. Oh, and we have a well and septic! Does that count? (Shamefully, I admit that the well pump is electric.)

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind (Post 133428)
Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get [you] to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm

Let me know who is lurking after logging off and I will think about it.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timmy (Post 133432)
Well, I don't own more than two computers. Oh, and we have a well and septic! Does that count? (Shamefully, I admit that the well pump is electric.)

Hmm. I must go for the time being. I will ponder this mystery and get back with you.

BoredOutOfMyMind 05-30-2007 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma Bontrager (Post 133445)
Let me know who is lurking after logging off and I will think about it.

Look at the Guests on the front page.

Hundreds every day who cannot get enough..... :drseuss

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind (Post 133519)
Look at the Guests on the front page.

Hundreds every day who cannot get enough..... :drseuss

Ah yes, sorry for being a bit slow on that one. I, even I, have my moments.

Well, for the women, I would say start preaching against birth control and they will be way too busy to post too much.

For the men, I would day make them farm and they will be up with the birds and in the fields and barn all the time and killing themselves trying to make ends meet.

As for getting BOOMM to stop posting on this forum, I don't know the answer to that. :D

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timmy (Post 133432)
Well, I don't own more than two computers. Oh, and we have a well and septic! Does that count? (Shamefully, I admit that the well pump is electric.)

Timmy, I am back, the wise one here to answer your question, fortunately for you. You need to wing those two computers out the door and use your neighbors. It's holier to be a mooch than actually admit you like computers. It's kind of like Apostolics with TV's in hotels. You get it. ;)

As far as the well and septic, yes that counts for something. But you should have a gasoline powered pump. Unless you have a generator. The idea is to be SEPARATED from the worldly systems. Something Apostolics act like they know something about but the only thing they do is make their women wear dresses and stop cutting their hair. They aren't really separated at all.

Trouvere 05-30-2007 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind (Post 133428)
Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get [you] to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm

Gee brother thanks for the encouragement.:club

Rhoni 05-30-2007 06:36 PM

Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind http://apostolicfriendsforum.com/ima...s/viewpost.gif
Emma, what advice do you offer to those here wanting to break the great chains that bind them to lurk even after logging off. How do we get Rhoni to stop posting on this forum?

:hmmm
:(

Timmy 05-30-2007 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma Bontrager (Post 134536)
Timmy, I am back, the wise one here to answer your question, fortunately for you. You need to wing those two computers out the door and use your neighbors. It's holier to be a mooch than actually admit you like computers. It's kind of like Apostolics with TV's in hotels. You get it. ;)

As far as the well and septic, yes that counts for something. But you should have a gasoline powered pump. Unless you have a generator. The idea is to be SEPARATED from the worldly systems. Something Apostolics act like they know something about but the only thing they do is make their women wear dresses and stop cutting their hair. They aren't really separated at all.

Thank you, Emma. Your wisdom is a breath of fresh air.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni (Post 134576)
:(

I was ticked too, but BOOMM is using one of those YOU tricks where it says YOUR name, whoever you are!:club

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timmy (Post 134578)
Thank you, Emma. Your wisdom is a breath of fresh air.

If you have any more questions I will be happy to help you out. I'm pretty impressive once I forget about dinner and eggs and moon pies and get going. :sing

Rhoni 05-30-2007 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma Bontrager (Post 134581)
I was ticked too, but BOOMM is using one of those YOU tricks where it says YOUR name, whoever you are!:club

Oh yeah..I forgot:bubble

Thanks Emma!:highfive

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rhoni (Post 134584)
Oh yeah..I forgot:bubble

Thanks Emma!:highfive

He ought to be drug out into the street and run over with a full hay wagon.

Emma Bontrager 05-30-2007 06:48 PM

Whoa! I just had an epiphany!! This is a prophecy direct from heaven!! I would that [you] would repent and give up all worldly things! Give your heart to the Lord and be ye separate!! Follow the ways of Emma and the Amish and you will find rest for your soul [you]!!!!! :grampa:grampa

Trouvere 05-30-2007 11:18 PM

Emma I would love to run away to Amish country but who would take care of my fifteen kids?:haloplug


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