Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

Pastor Ogatt,

There is great need for your wisdom and guidance, as witnessed by these letters that were sent to me when folks learned I was in touch with you.

Here is the first letter:

Dear Pastor Ogatt,

After several years of dedicated prayer and effort, one of my best friends was baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost. He had been learning our doctrines quickly, but is now froze up with fear. We've talked and explained and showed him but none of it helps. We've told him he's justified by faith, and that God honors his own Word, and that we aren't given a spirit of fear. Nevertheless, after last weeks bible study on I Corinthians 6:9, he's like a man in a trance. He's somehow convinced himself that he's doomed to hell irredeemably. It's just not so. I was there when he was baptized, I heard him speakin' in tongues, and he's given up chewin', drinkin, alligator wrestlin, and lawnmower racin. There simply cain't be no doubt.

We'd be grateful if you had any advice for us, or at the very least pray for my friend. His name is Kenny Idolator. Yep, that's his real name.

Yours,

Buzz and Lattie Mae Hinkel

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

Dear Pastor Ogatt,

I can't decide what to get my wife for her birthday this year. I've narrowed it down to two items: either an electric shoe buffer or an electric griddle. We just got electricity in the house last year, and I thought it'd be real nice if she had an electric shoe buffer to help her when she polishes my shoe. But she also might really, really appreciate an electric griddle so's she can cook me up some hog jowl and hotcakes without havin to stoke the cookstove first.

I know you have faced this dilemma yourself since you just recently got electricity yourself. How should I decide?

Your friend,

Claymore Meinsfeld

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

Dear Pastor Ogatt,

Some new folks just started coming to our church. I got to talkin with one of their boys named Tommy that is my age, which is 8 years old, and he said that drinkin wine and growing beards couldn't possibly be wrong, since they're in the bible. I told him that it's wrong because the preacher said it was wrong! He just laughed and pulled my hair.

How can I get Tommy to listen to reason?

gratefully,

Susie

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

Dear Pastor Ogatt,

My husband Tillard was coming home from fishing last week when his old truck finally rusted plumb in two. He and his ol' dog Blue were killed instantly in the crash. Once we got over the shock, we set out to comply with his wishes that he had spelled out in his will. It was a bit of a struggle since Tillard was never a learned man of letters. Well, it turns out that his lawyer Furgiss Blackpond wasn't much of one either, on account of how mixed up everything got. At any rate we've got trouble big because our preacher flat refuses to do the funeral for ol' Blue, and Tillard's brother Zeke refuses to pick him up from the taxidermist. Of course it's too late now to fix the mix-up, and we've done spent all the insurance money.

Could you recommend any good-hearted preachers that preaches good funerals and loves dogs real good in Eastern Kentucky to help us out?

Thank you.

The Widder Murphy

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

It might be a while before you hear from the Rev. Sometimes it takes him a while before he can get the anointment to flow good.

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

buzz, Bro kenny is coming along well.he should be scared like i said here at apostolic fear and trembling tabernacle, the fear is the beginning of wisdom. Since he wont inherit the kingdom cause of 1 cor 6-9 sounds like he is wiseing up to the fact that he is a heathern and will always be a heathern.

When he is at church sit him right next to the heatin stove so he can get used to it to what its going to be like

Thanks Bro Ogatt

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

Clayymore, First of all hows your job makin hops at the brewery goin? I can always depend on you to let me know when its slick outside.
Go with the buffer, so your shoe will be shiney when you go to ihop.

Pastor Ogatt

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

Widder Murphy, this reminds me of a time when i went to a viewing with another widder. We walked in the funeral home and they wheeled out her husband., popped open the lid and he wider started screaming "that aint him" the funeral feller said he was very sorry and wheeled him in the backroom where i heard him say"hey george, switch heads on 3 and 4"

well anyway, the taxidermist needs the room so he will bring tillard back to you and you can put his lazy hide back on the porch where he always stayed anyway.

Just a little bright spot. You wont have to feed him your sorry cookin anymore

Rigards Bro Ogatt

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

I'm being ministered to by this wonderful thread.

Re: Dear Pastor Ogatt: Advice thread
 

Yes, I think I've gotten some mustard from it also!