Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

Reading about cats and dogs on another thread reminded me of this email I just received yesterday. I'm sure it will evoke strong emotions on both sides! Enjoy.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. ARGH!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

That was way too funny.

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

I'd say you must have found my own pets' diaries, except: we don't have a bird. Other than that, it's eerily familiar! LOL!

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

"Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs."

This gives a very funny mental picture!

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

And it's very true-to-life, in our case, including that part about the stairs! Our cat has tried to kill me many times!

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

:lol

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

This is hilarious...and true. I can completely relate. Here is a pic of our cat and dog from a while back when our puppy was much smaller. They don't really get along since the dog just wants to play and torment the cat and the cat doesn't want much to do with her.

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

My kids thought this was hilarious, as did I. I have four cats and will be getting a dog soon. Too funny!

Re: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary and a Cat's Diary
 

And he's not that bright, either. It's when he's hungry that he usually makes the attempts of my life. Doesn't he know how much longer it will take to be fed, if he kills me when I'm on my way to feeding him?? :crazy