Emotional Adultery
 

I've read AFF for several months and come now with a question to help my friend.


The friend and her husband are both Christians, UPC backgrounds. My friend's husband left his e-mail page open and she noticed several e-mails from him and another person, and read them. Turned out, the person was an ex-girlfriend of her husband's (one he had slept with). The ex-girlfriend had joined a group called "Classmates" because the reunion of their graduating class was coming up, and she saw my friend's husband was a member and contacted him.

Several e-mails went back and forth between my friend's husband and his ex-girlfriend. In one of the e-mails, my friend's husband said to his ex-girlfriend that she had been remarkable when he knew her, and felt she was probably even more amazing today. My friend talked about this with her husband, and he tried to downplay it, and said she was over-reacting.

Long story short, they've been talking about this entire situation. My friend feels her husband shouldn't stay in touch with this woman, or with other ex-girlfriends. She feels it's borderline emotional adultery. Her husband says he doesn't see any harm in it.

She wants to know why a man (especially one who is a Christian) would stay in touch with a former girlfriend (especially one he slept with). She is also wondering how other husbands and wives feel about this?

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

I would be very upset if my husband continued the correspondence. I would be upset about what had already been said.

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

I've never been married, but I would quite possibly be upset too. Even more, if my husband knew something upset me and wouldn't stop, I would feel he didn't love me as a husband ought (as his own body). Eph 5:28-33
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

If the wife is uncomfortable with the situation, the husband should be willing to cut off communication with the ex-girlfriend. If he's not willing to stop the communication, the wife has her answer as to which relationship means more to her husband-- and should act accordingly. JMHO.

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

Without knowing the context of the e-mail exchanges it would be hard to know what transpired between the two former lovers/classmates.

I can't see how this could be a good situation, no matter how you paint it.

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

Emotions... many times cause us to err in any given field...I would have to know more to comment but it could lead to something serious...it depends on many things...

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

How did he get married and not know women very well? He needs to cut it off. Nip it at the bud now

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

We really don't know the content of the emails. I myself have talked 3 or 4 times over the past year and a half (on Facebook via emails) with my "ex". However I have NOT added her as a friend AND have told my wife about the few times we DID exchange messages. Also, the emails were very short (not 2 - 4 pages detailing everything that has happened since we last met).
We ended the relationship, many years ago, as good friends (which is rare when dating).

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

To me it has never been about innocence or wrong doing. We have to protect our relationships with the person we made a vow. It is the appearance of wrong doing that we protect our relationships. We also do not know the heart or the motive of the person we are talking or engaging. Protecting my private and personal relationship with my wife is the foundation that everything else has been built.

Re: Emotional Adultery
 

The guy is opening the door for trouble.Flirting online can lead to more.