Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

I just hung up the telephone from a heartbreaking call. I have a relative by marriage who is a few years older than me who is probably the closest I will ever have to having a brother.

The 30 years I have been married to my wife this man has been my friend. He worked hard all of those years usually pastoring small struggling Pentecostal churches that he always left better than when he came. None of those churches were able to support him financially enough so he gladly worked in addition to pastoring to make ends meet the majority of the time.

About two years ago he was diagnosed with dementia in his mid 50's. He is unable to work or pastor and now must live on a small disability pension.

What tore me apart on this telephone call with him just now is that he is at a stage in this terrible disease where he can't be allowed to drive a car or go places on his own but he doesn't understand this. In his mind he is still fine. Perhaps a little sick but fine nevertheless. He is miserable. He has been an active independent man all of his life and now he feels he is trapped in an apartment most of the time.

His family takes wonderful care of him and spends time with him but they have jobs and families of their own so can't be there 24/7. I gently tried to remind him that he does have a disease and that the restrictions or things his family does are things they are doing for his own good. He said he knows they think they are but he believes it is wrong that they think he is sick.

He told me he is going to move back to his old town and go to his old church and get a job. In reality I don't see how this could happen so I am praying for a peace for him where he is at.

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

CCI - my heart goes out to you for the compassion you have and the pain you are feeling for your friend. Dementia / Alzheimers are both very cruel - May God speak HIS peace to your friend and wisdom to his family in dealing with this situation.

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

oh my....how sad...I sure will be praying...

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

My dad went through that (retired op minister) its horrible ! The things they say eventually, its as if they are an entirely different person,that never even went to church. Its got to be the worst disease, non pain wise, there is. Praying !

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

Sorry to hear that CC1. My granny has been going through the same thing and we just moved her to assisted living. That was really hard on all of us but I think she is better off...

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

I will be praying.

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

I'm sorry, CC1--it's so hard to deal with. We went through the same thing with my Dad. Two incidents that tore my heart out were when he was convinced he was supposed to preach one morning and insisted that my Mom put his suit on and help him into his wheelchair, and then he "preached" from his chair. The other one was after his legs were amputated--a couple of times he forgot that his legs were gone and would get out of bed. He would get really angry with my Mom if she tried to stop him, (to the point of getting physical) so she had to just let him fall--and then call 911. The local fire dept. a block over would send over a couple of guys to lift him back into bed. :(

It's unbelievably heartwrenching to have anyone you care about go through dementia.

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

I could tell by my conversation with him that days are coming like you described with your father. I can only imagine the heartache and stress you and your family have gone through.

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

CC1 - I am soooo sorry to hear. 50 is so young, too.

My uncle has alzheimer's. It has to be one of the most awful things to watch the person go through...but it is also very hurtful to family members.

When my uncle lost his license, he insisted that he would "darn" well drive if he wanted to because he refused to believe he couldn't. We had to hide his keys from him. He hated us...not so sure he doesn't still hate us, even tho at this point he can't unzip his own pants to go to the bathroom...nor does he know to put on his underwear BEFORE his outter garments... Yet in his mind, he still thinks he can drive. He has NO reasoning abilities whatsoever. IT'S TEARING MY HEART OUT to think that this man, who has been like a father to me, now hates me because I've done what I've needed to do to protect him from himself. I know, I know... it's NOT really him in that shell of a body with little mind left. But it's what he'll go to his grave believing, and that is KILLING me!

Also... I don't understand why everybody is getting Alzheimer's these days... Just like so many children who have autism and ADHD. Makes you wonder, what are we doing to ourselves to perpetuate these illnesses?

Re: Dementia / Alhzheimers
 

CC1 sorry to hear this news. I will be praying for you and with you and your friend.