Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divorce
 

Many people today make an argument for "trying out" a relationship before committing to marriage. The reasoning is, they can find the best fit before making more serious commitments to each other and have a better home for future children.

Seems the evidence contradicts...


Cohabitation Data:
There is a higher risk, 40 to 85%, of divorce between couples cohabiting before marriage than couples waiting until after marriage to share a home together. (Bumpass & Sweet 1995; Hall & Zhao 1995; Bracher, Stantow, Morgan & Russell 1993; DeMaris & Rao 1992 and Glen 1990) Cited in a posting on the Smart Marriages Listserv, Sep 28, 2004.

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

Ya, I have heard this more than once. In fact it is kind of funny, in a sad ironic way, how a couple can live together and actually be happy for years -and then they get married and it all falls apart within a year or two.

My wife and I never lived together. We only even knew each other for 5 months before getting married, and that was 7 years ago now. Still married and happy. :)

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

I wonder what the stats are for premarital sex and divorce. Paul's advice never struck me as particularly wise: don't get married, unless you really, really want to have sex.

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

Eh, not sure if I believe the statistic as presented.

For example, the majority of those living together prior to marriage are most likely not very religious or involved in a religious society. In nearly every case wherein I hear of a couple not living together before marriage religion and values play a larger role in day to day life. Also, they are part of a religious society that aids the couple and strongly encourages counsel and staying together.

So... is it the fact that a couple didn't live together prior to moving in together that helps the marriage last? Or is it shared religious values that led to them choosing not to live together prior to marriage that helped the marriage to last?

On another note... I've known deeply religious people who chose to live together and got married at a later date who beat the odds...because of their faith. The couples I know who did this had a double strike against them. Not only did they live together before marriage.... but they were divorcees who were afraid to marry. In these cases it was faith that helped the marriage last.

So... not sure if the statistic is entirely accurate. I'd like to know where faith played a part in their lives.

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

Good post, and I agree. :thumbsup Core values probably have a lot more to do with this than the fact that they lived together before the wedding.

I do find it odd that seemingly *happy* cohabiters start having major problems after tying the knot. (As RW mentioned) I wonder if it's because once the wedding is over, people stop trying so hard? Or maybe they start imposing unrealistic expectations on the relationship at that point?

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

:ohplease

That wasn't Paul's advice. LOL

Paul advised that people marry to avoid being tempted to fornicate. He also stated that if singles can't control themselves, implying that they couldn't abstain, they should marry because it's better to marry than to burn with unmet needs that drive their inconsistent behavior. Paul also advised that, due to the current crisis of persecution at the time, that it was best to not marry and remain celibate as he was. Paul also assailed the joys of singleness with relation to one's ability to serve the Lord compared to if married. Paul advised that if people were engaged however, they do not sin by marrying.

It's all practical advice that assumes deep and loving relationships between people. Remember, Paul also taught that a husband should view his wife as his own flesh and vice versa. Paul also taught husbands and wives not to defaud one another with relation to their sexual needs, accept it be for prayer and fasting. But afterwards they should readily re-unite erotically to maintain their bond. Paul admonished husbands to love their wives.

Jeesh Timmy. I get the impression that you really have a very low view of Scripture.

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

I've seen that happen. Not sure though. I do know that marriage brings a lot of anxiety. Because the partners are now legally entitled. When living together either could walk away freely. They obviously stayed (talking long term here) because of love and affection toward one another. Love being the only bond. But once it's "legalized", people have rights and entitlements. The pressure to "make it work or I loose everything I've worked for" can wear on some men's minds. Also, the emotional pressure of realizing that if you want to leave because he's a jerk... you can't. This can cause either person to feel trapped. This can lead to resentment, frustration, confusion, fear, and wondering if the grass is greener somewhere else.

Sadly, I've known couples who lived together who stayed together for decades... just because they loved each other. My grandma and step-grandpa are a case in point. They were together for over 30 years, having never married, when my grandpa passed away. When asked why they said they didn't need the government to tell them they loved each other. lol

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

Some scriptures, yeah.

I don't see any real difference in how I phrased Paul's advice and how you phrased it. He advised against marrying. Said to marry is better than burning.

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

That makes me like your Grandpa. :D

I know of a couple who divorced because of irreconcilable differences, and then moved back in together sans a wedding and were together until death. Crazy.

Re: Cohabitation prior marriage leads to more Divo
 

We might question whether they were , in fact, deeply religious...

Someone could argue it was not faith, but their shunning of faith traditions that helped them beat the odds. :)