Not Too Happy Right Now
 

Well, I guess it's time for me to do some venting, AGAIN. I'm really not all that happy with the way things have been going lately. I thought I had found the perfect way to make a living when I finally broke into the work at home job that I have had now since February, but things just have not gone at all like I had hoped they would. Call volume isn't consistant, hours are hard to get, people have been generally grumps on the phone, and I am getting disgusted with the whole thing. I got hired last week by one company that offers a guaranteed hourly wage for working at home but so far I haven't qualified for the two projects they sent me emails on so I am in a pending status with them. It's not like I am trying to get rich doing this. My needs are really simple-$500 a week. So far I have been lucky to make half that and the last two checks weren't even close to being half my $500/wk goal. I hate this 'cause it means I will probly have to go out and take another job outside of the house, knowing it will be in manufacturing, which I also can not stand and have never been any good at. I wish so much that I had never moved here! I miss my days as a junk man. I was doing something that I loved and making good money at it. If I didn't live in this public housing I could start junking again but 3 bedroom houses in this one horse town are impossible to find. Yeah, I am complaining about everything! I hate living here!! I know my life is here now but I am not happy with it at all! I should have listened to my mother and gone to college and made something out of myself! What a waste!

Oh, did I mention that fishing around here is the worst I have ever experienced!!!!!!!

It's not too late to go to college--

where are you?

Sister, college is not an option for me right now. I have 4 children that need fed, clothes, and shoes. Just today my son asked me if I could buy him a video that only costs $18. I don't know if I will be able to get it for him or not 'cause the money is just that tight right now. Honestly, I can not see how going to college and providing for my family can be done simultaneously. I tried it a few years ago and things got so chaotic it wasn't even funny. I'm not putting her down because of what I am bout to say because I know the reasons why, but I can not count on my wife to be able to get a job and keep it for very long, so it falls on me to carry the load. It doesn't bother me that it falls on me to be the provider because that is the way God intended it to be. It just frustrates me to no end that I am not doing it in the way I know it should be done. When we moved to these apartments it was supposed to be for 6 months max and it's going on two years now. Jobs around here pay well if you are good at manufacturing and can work 12 hour shifts. I weigh well over 300 lbs. and just can not be on my feet that long. I've tried it and literally had to be helped by my wife and son out of the car when getting home. Again, I just want to find a way to provide for my family adequately, without having to depend on government housing and food stamps. I am so disgusted with the whole thing. I guess I just need to start praying more and pray myself out of this situation.

Rico, here is an idea...go to your local nursing home or long term care facility and ask if you can volunteer 1-2 hours per week. One, you may find something there you can do and do well for pay and/or two, you will be fulfilled helping folks who need and appreciate any help you can give. If you can read, you can help.

:)

Yes sir... that hindsight is 20/20 ain't it bro. :)

I have been very unhappy where I am almost since I moved here. Not with the place so much... just with the church.

A friend of mine asked me some time ago "Why are you here".

I paused and finally answered. "I'm not sure why I am here but the fact that I am here lets me know that it is where I am supposed to be."

That is the way I believe about things that go on in our lives. I just believe that no matter where I am and no matter what I am going that it is where I am supposed to be and, if I hold on, it will eventually serve me. It may seem like my present situation is taking me to task right now... but, in the end, it will serve me because I am going to keep holding on.

Now... sometimes what I go through is where I am supposed to be because God has a work for me to do there. Sometimes what I go through is where I am supposed to be because there is something I needed to learn, something in my thinking that needed to change. At any rate... it is still where I needed to be and it will still serve me in the end.

Just recently I have experienced a totally unexpected awakening here and I am as happy as a lark (however happy larks get). We have a new pastor who I highly respect. I have jumped in with both feet and am applying myself left and right... looking for more things to get involved with and hungry for more.

I haven't felt this way in years.

But... it took 3 years of hating this place to get here.

I'm not saying that, right where you are, all is going to open up and I am certainly not saying that this won't happen either.

What I'm saying is this... where you are... is where you need to be. If God opens a door then move through it. If it moves you from that place... if it moves you back home... good. If nothing takes you away from there and things eventually open up where you are then good.

The thing is this.

You are not alone. God has not forgotten you. It will get better. You will find a place (maybe right where you are standing) where you can be happy, fulfilled and content.

I fought this place for 3 years and in ONE 24 hour period my life has taken a complete turn around. I would have gladly waited for 3 years to be where I am now. If only I had known the time scale then I could have just bided my time and waited. But I didn't.

I just had to keep doing what I had to do.
I just had to keep believing that the "good time" would come.
I just had to keep holding on long enough that this thing that was taking me for a ride would eventually break and serve me.

Reminds me of breaking in a calf or a horse.

Brother... hold on.

Brother... take hope in the fact that you are not alone and God is with you.

Brother... Remember he will never leave you nor forsaken.

Brother... I don't know when... I don't know how... but this too will pass and when it does you will testify of it many times. You will tell how hard it was and you will tell how you made it through.

You will tell how it meant to break you but now it serves you at your every whim when you tell of how HE brought you out.

My prayers are with you.

Thank you D. I know that God has me here for a reason. I keep that in the back of my mind every time I am on my way back home from a trip up north. I've been looking for an opening, anything, for me to be able to move back up there and it just seems that that door has been closed. When I got home from my last trip up there I told my wife I wasn't going to go back any more because I realized that my life is here now. But then, when I look at my life here, I get so disgusted I just want to run. At other times in my life I could just pray the answers down, if that makes any sense to you, but my faith has to be at the weakest point it's ever been in in my entire life. I mean, the thought of going to church totally turns me off. I didn't go to Bro Campbell's funeral because I just knew that I would go off on the first person that thought it appropriate to come tell me how lost I am in their eyes and I, well, I just didn't want to have to deal with the attitude I knew I would find if I went. I know I am rambling some but there's just a lot of stuff coming to the surface right now.

where was home, and where are you now?

I live in Southern Indiana right now. I moved here from the west central part of Indiana.