In the Year 2029
 

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR:
2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , form erly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years
before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but
President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and
rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to
campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

You left out:

It's rumored a split for the UPC is sure to come shortly.

The UPC announced that at its upcoming General Conference in Cody, WY there will be a final vote on the TV resolution after 25 years of political manuevering by conservatives to keep it tied up in legislative technicalities and paralimentary manutiae. General Superinetendent Gentry Mangun said it is time for endtime REVIVAL!

Apostolic Friends Forum, the most widely used bulletin board on the internet just offered stock publically and generated $793 billion on the first day! Admin Renda Craig retired as moderator and moved into her new $20 million, 40 room, 20 bath, 3 swimming pool mansion in Jamaica.

You forgot "cup of cofee $35.00 a cup at Denny's"

Have you been reading The Onion again?

Whoo hoo!!!!!! I'm feeling that. Of course I'd be 73 years old, but a young 73, I'm sure.

Re: In the Year 2029
 

I would be 52 then.

Seems so far away!

Re: In the Year 2029
 

52 seems far away to me, too. :lol