What is Protocol at Your Church?
 

Our daughter will be getting married and our extended family size is small. The groom's family is larger.

Due to budget constraints on our part the reception needs to be around 200 people which would be the number of both sides of the family and a few friends.

The groom's parents are on the pastoral staff of the church our daughter attends and they want to extend the invitation to everyone. A large number attending the ceremony would be acceptable, however a large reception is out of the question.

Here is the dilemma. What is the protocol these days for inviting the whole church to the wedding/reception?

Why not make it inivitation only reception.

Exactly, Thats what we did for my sisters wedding. She had it at the church but about an hour later... We did pictures and everything first... The minister just dismissed everyone and it went off beautifully. Just included RSVP's for the reception and made sure that the reception cards stated that it was an invitation only reception...

She had about 500 at her wedding and only 180 at the reception...

Another option but I do not know how well this will work... See if the grooms family will help to foot the bill for a seperate venue for the reception.. that will make it easier then having to worry about lingering guests who might be wanting a reception..... That way all you have to do is enclose a map to the reception site in the invites for the ones you are wanting there and then off from the church to the reception with only those invited!!!

Good luck

Do you have any idea how many people will be attending the wedding?

At my church (350-400 members), our praise and worship leader got married and invited the whole church (open invitation). But several consecutive weeks before the wedding the family asked the church through announcements and Sunday Bulletins to please sign up on the bulletin board in the foyer if they planned to attend the reception as well. Even thought the reception was open to everyone, this way they knew how many to expect.

If it were me and my budget would only allow for so many, and they were the ones wanting to have it open, I would ask them to share in the expense.

I'd say tell them about the limited budget, and if they wish to have additional people at the reception, let them help add some to the budget.

For some reason, most churches have a defacto protocol of "If you come to this church then your part of the church family and automatically invited to whatever wedding takes place between these four walls, including the reception -held in the church basement of course."

But the simple fact is that receptions are $$$!!! Unfortunately, most handle the cost by going cheaper and cheaper on the food (quality) ultimately ending up at something resembling more a pot luck then anything (a very evil word!).
But remember that this is for the bride and groom and thus should not be an event geared for the lowest common denominator. We had an open invitation to our wedding (and reception afterwards), except it was in Vegas so only those who REALLY wanted to come, made it -about 20+ people actually flew out with us.
The meal came to about 50 bucks per person, which was at the Rainforest Cafe, and was definitely better then your average church basement function.

Oh, do I know what you are going through there Blue Waters and wife!

Planning a little wedding myself and it does seem to be the mindset of people that the church folks just have "the right" to be part of it all.

Scale down the reception, maybe instead of New York Strip, you could have finger foods.

I think not including the church family in a church that you are going to be calling home is a mistake, especially if you are part of the leadership.

You could also pare down the numbers by having the reception off site. Those folks who want to share the experience will drive.

Hmmm, my favorite and the most dynamic posters are...

CC1
Pianoman
RgCraig
Brother Epley
Miss Brattified


See what I mean...

You just said exactly what I said, except are encouraging "dumbing down" where I am saying that the day is too important to the bride and groom to do that. It needs to be a day to remember, not just another day for the average church member who barely knows them to think "Ok, we had another pot luck in the basement.... I think it was a wedding but I'm not sure....."

Maybe if it is just too important to have everyone there, you can have a 2nd "reception" (but really a pot luck -Lordy, I hate that word!) the following weekend were EVERYONE is invited.
But keep the New York Strip for the real thing!!!! Lobster is good as well.....