I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, bcriswell.
There are some great thoughts posted on this thread, and you're not the first woman (or man) to experience this. Ultimately, you know your husband better than any of us, so everything on this thread should be taken with a grain of salt. None of us can tell you what is exactly right; we can share advice based on years of observation and personal experience.
My thoughts:
1. In your marriage your love for one another is [supposed to be] unconditional. I think you need to reassure your husband that you love him no matter what he chooses and that he doesn't have the ability to push you away by not attending church. Don't twist his arm about church attendance. Be his wife who loves him the same as you always have.
2. Other people have no right to interfere in this dynamic, unless you ask them to. Don't talk to multiple people about anything your husband is struggling with. He needs to know that he can trust you with whatever it is he is going through, and that you will protect him and his reputation. Don't share with his friends, family or fellow (former) churchgoers that he's drinking, cussing or being verbally abusive. If someone asks you what is going on, smile and say something vague like, "Oh, he'll be alright; he's having a bit of a struggle right now, but we're working through it together. Just keep him in your prayers." If you do talk to someone in depth, make sure you talk to them about YOUR struggles and not his.
3. I Peter 3:1-2 In the same way you wives must submit yourselves to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe God's word, your conduct will win them over to believe. It will not be necessary for you to say a word,
...because they will see how pure and reverent your conduct is.
4. Set aside time each day and each week to spend with your husband, just the two of you, like a date. It isn't about getting him to go to church with you; it's just about reminding him that you love him and he's important to you whether he goes to church with you or not.
5. Listen a lot more than you talk. If he does decide to share why he's upset or his reasons for not going to church, just listen. Don't argue; don't advise; just listen. When he's finished, give him a hug and a kiss. Tell him that you're glad that after all this time, you two are still friends and can talk about things you can't share with anyone else. And drop it. Then ask if he wants to go grocery shopping with you or something equally mundane.
You aren't required to endure any kind of verbal abuse, but don't overreact to it, either, if this is out of the norm for him. My advice would be *zero response.* A quiet (NOT mean) look, no response, and go wash the dishes. And don't slam the plates on the cabinet or throw silverware into the sink to show that you're upset. Forgive him in your heart immediately and that will remove the pressure you feel to let him "know" that you're hurt or upset.
My mother used to tell me to let people hear themselves. If they're being ugly, be quiet and let them be ugly by themselves. They know they're being hurtful, and they will be more likely to come around later and be sorry for it if you don't participate.
In the meantime, continue to talk to God, pray for your husband, read your Bible and do the things you know are right unapologetically, but not defiantly. And don't choose a time to pray or read your Bible when you know your husband needs or wants your attention. To put it bluntly, don't decide to sit in bed and read your Bible at night when you know your husband wants to get frisky, kwim? Don't be
defiant about going to church on Sunday morning; be warm and casual. Kiss your husband on the cheek and say, "I'll be back around 11:30; is there anything special you'd like for lunch?"
Last but not least, don't rule out the possibility of attending church elsewhere if your husband suggests it. If you find out that he is terribly dissatisfied or upset with your church for some reason, then ask him if there's somewhere else he'd prefer to attend. IMO, it would be better for him and better for your marriage to go somewhere he likes than to not go at all. You owe your husband more loyalty than you owe your pastor or friends.
