[votivesoul]

While these things can seem to be crisis level situations, I think you should look at things a little more patiently and methodically.

If you imagine doctrine as something comparable to a map of what you believe, but in time you realize that some point on your map doesn't add up to what's actually on the ground (that is, in your heart), you need not rush to throw the whole map away. You merely need to remap that part.

As you realize how that one part affects other places on your map, take it slow, one at a time, and check the map to the ground, and make adjustments as necessary. The goal is to get where you are going, and you're not going to get there by accident, especially if you throw away the map.

Apart from that, revisit your starting place. Where did you and God meet? Where and when did He first draw up a map in your heart? You have to remember something. You are not simply dealing with a set of propositions. You are in a relationship with someONE, not some thing.

Speaking from experience, I have nearly tossed to the wind everything I was originally taught and early on came to believe doctrine-wise. But the process didn't shake my faith in God at all. I cared about and loved and still care about and love truth more than anything, and I have no trouble tossing aside anything that doesn't match up with reality.

Truth is unassailable. It can withstand every attack. So bang as hard as you can against it if you want, but in the end, whatever that remains standing is still truth. That's what you need to find.

As far as your ministry is concerned, make the choices that allow you to maintain your integrity, to look at your self in the mirror without being ashamed, instead of whatever keeps your ego buzzing, or is merely otherwise inconvenient or inexpedient for you, no matter how hard the choices will be to make.