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Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
"The following is [alleged to be] an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid-term examination. The answer was so 'profound'
that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, which
is that "gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed"
or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
'First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1.. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.
2.. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my
freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then option 2 cannot be true, and thus I
am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.'
The student [purportedly] received the only A."
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