Backslid husband

[CC1]

I found it interesting that the husband is critical of the church leadership and if I am reading between the lines correctly it is because they are not strict enough. Yet he has started drinking and cursing! I have to wonder if he is not one of those people who just decides if things aren't going to be done the way he thinks they should be he is just not going to participate.

I have a close relative who has fallen into the age old trap of avoiding "organized religion" because there are hypocrites in the churches. (no I am not related to Timmy - LOL). I have told him that any endeavor that human beings are involved in is going to be imperfect and have duplicitous people, etc. However that doesn't mean there are not honest hearted people doing their best also.

I will be praying for the author of this thread and her marriage and situation. I know this has to be a tremendous stress for her. She is correct that this father needs to consider the little footsteps that will be following his as he walks lifes path.

One question I do have I don't think I saw in her posts is has she directly asked her husband why he has quit church and started drinking and cursing. It is obvious he is from an ultra con background.

[The Lemon]

Last but not least, don't rule out the possibility of attending church elsewhere if your husband suggests it. If you find out that he is terribly dissatisfied or upset with your church for some reason, then ask him if there's somewhere else he'd prefer to attend. IMO, it would be better for him and better for your marriage to go somewhere he likes than to not go at all. You owe your husband more loyalty than you owe your pastor or friends.
__________________
Your whole post was great, but this was so true and so profound! Bcriswell86, if I could be transparent for a minute with you. I have been in church for nearly 20yrs. I was not raised Apostolic, in fact I was not raised in church - but I did have very good and hard working parents who taught me right from wrong and the importance of personal responsibility. They taught me morals that are based in the Word, although we as a family did not attend a church.

I was so enamered when I walked into a Apostolic Church at 16yrs of age and took to it like a fish to water. The Lord blessed and I grew. I was dating my wife when I came to the Lord at 16, and we have been together for 20yrs in total. She knew me bfore I was saved, and now afterward. I always had nagging questions concerning some doctrines and involement in our church but I pushed it in the back of my mind. As time went on I became so zealous for God that I also became extremely critical of anyone that was not "sold out". I refused to see that there was the proverbial "beam" in my own eye.

Three years ago my pastor backslid and the church was rocked. Many folks lost their way. By this time I was a licensed minister, so i took over for a short time. Many of the issues that caused the pastor to had visual symptoms that I and others saw but did not have the courage to speak up about. My wife and i hung in there as long as we could but were bruned out pretty quicky and decided to leave.

I said all that to say this - we went through a tough time, and yes we backed off alot of things we were taught, and as a man my frustration was manifested verbally, and there was some inappropriate language at times and attitude. Do I believe I was backslid..yes, but I had friends that assured me that the Lord would bring me through and that I was not backslid, just going through a rough patch.

My wife and I communicated continually, and it has taken a few years and we are still being healed by God. No matter what anyone else thinks or what you may think, if you support him, let him vent, and undergird him with prayer and encouragement, it will make all the difference in the world through this rough patch. Don't let the word backslid come out of your mouth, and protect him from anyone else that would want to confront him and make that type of statement.

A tree looks dead in the winter...but it comes alive in the spring. If he has the goods, they are there, maybe dormant, but there. When the season passes, life will return.

Praying for you.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by The Lemon

Last but not least, don't rule out the possibility of attending church elsewhere if your husband suggests it. If you find out that he is terribly dissatisfied or upset with your church for some reason, then ask him if there's somewhere else he'd prefer to attend. IMO, it would be better for him and better for your marriage to go somewhere he likes than to not go at all. You owe your husband more loyalty than you owe your pastor or friends.
__________________
Your whole post was great, but this was so true and so profound! Bcriswell86, if I could be transparent for a minute with you. I have been in church for nearly 20yrs. I was not raised Apostolic, in fact I was not raised in church - but I did have very good and hard working parents who taught me right from wrong and the importance of personal responsibility. They taught me morals that are based in the Word, although we as a family did not attend a church.

I was so enamered when I walked into a Apostolic Church at 16yrs of age and took to it like a fish to water. The Lord blessed and I grew. I was dating my wife when I came to the Lord at 16, and we have been together for 20yrs in total. She knew me bfore I was saved, and now afterward. I always had nagging questions concerning some doctrines and involement in our church but I pushed it in the back of my mind. As time went on I became so zealous for God that I also became extremely critical of anyone that was not "sold out". I refused to see that there was the proverbial "beam" in my own eye.

Three years ago my pastor backslid and the church was rocked. Many folks lost their way. By this time I was a licensed minister, so i took over for a short time. Many of the issues that caused the pastor to had visual symptoms that I and others saw but did not have the courage to speak up about. My wife and i hung in there as long as we could but were bruned out pretty quicky and decided to leave.

I said all that to say this - we went through a tough time, and yes we backed off alot of things we were taught, and as a man my frustration was manifested verbally, and there was some inappropriate language at times and attitude. Do I believe I was backslid..yes, but I had friends that assured me that the Lord would bring me through and that I was not backslid, just going through a rough patch.

My wife and I communicated continually, and it has taken a few years and we are still being healed by God. No matter what anyone else thinks or what you may think, if you support him, let him vent, and undergird him with prayer and encouragement, it will make all the difference in the world through this rough patch. Don't let the word backslid come out of your mouth, and protect him from anyone else that would want to confront him and make that type of statement.

A tree looks dead in the winter...but it comes alive in the spring. If he has the goods, they are there, maybe dormant, but there. When the season passes, life will return.

Praying for you.

Great post, Lemon.

[A.W. Bowman]

Originally Posted by ILG

Great post, Lemon.

Me too!

[StillStanding]

Don't let the word backslid come out of your mouth, and protect him from anyone else that would want to confront him and make that type of statement.

Wisdom! Lemon, your entire post was great!

[Dagwood]

I would agree this post is definitely disturbing for two reasons: a marriage and a family are at stake. Both people's feelings are something no one can dispute. For whatever reason (we have yet to know), he wants nothing to do with what he's always known to do. And a wife that wants everything to do with what she's known to do. The common denominator, as one person mentioned earlier, is the fact that family (an uncle) was at one time and another now pastor of the church. It's really hard to say who's wrong, if any. "Feelings" and what "I want to do" are speaking so loudly when I read this thread. Too many times I've heard about situations with families: the daughter "backslid" over constantly being harped on and hounded for her appearance and not "measuring up;" another familiy's son "backslid" over constantly being harped on and hounded over the length of his sideburns being below his ears, among other things. The whole mentality behind one "backslidding" has me deeply concerned that many of those people backslide as a result of a subliminal message that "well, they've gone and done this/that, they may as well go all the way." I would hate to think someone spoke that into this husband's life (the author of this thread's husband). Again, as I don't know all the facts, I'm simply putting things out there to think about. If any danger is ever present, such as suicide, threatening to kill someone, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc. no need in staying in danger. But, first (if the wife hasn't already attempted), try asking the husband what it is he sees as error. Simply asking and discussing it without emotion (even though that can be hard sometimes) might break up the fallow ground and allow him to open up without feeling threatened. All feelings should be considered no matter what, again, as hard as that can be at times.

Best thing we can do is pray and believe God will bring all involved through all of this in their best interest, even if it means a change in direction. No matter which direction the wind blows, some may change with it. But, as long as they're still standing, they'll continue to grow as long as God's the focal point.

I hope we'll hear a good report at some point. Keep us updated!

[Bella1]

Originally Posted by Falla39

Many years ago, a well-meaning older lady advised me that if I would go to another
church, she thought my husband would probably go more regularly with me. I knew
that our going to the church my father had founded, just prior to our marriage, was
NOT the probem. We did not go elsewhere.

The thing about it was, although this dear lady, who was raised in the church and
raised her children in church, did not have a child living for God. Still doesn't. She
is deceased as of about a year ago. This was in another city.

If you are going to advise someone else, be sure you have some fruit
hanging from the branches of your own "tree", life!

It is hard to take others to places (physically or in experiece), we have not been
ourselves. Can't relate. I can learn from what I have seen others go through without
going through it myself. But as far as relating to where they have been or what they
went through, we can't. We may sympathize but we cannot emphasize !

Many times since those early days, with all of our children and grandchildren
and great great-grandchild, in church, my darling of 51 yrs has told me! "You know,
your Dad really raised me. I was such a kid! Immature, headstrong! I am SO
GLAD WE STAYED"! We both lived and learned together, with the help of
our parents, grandparents, and most of all, OUR GREAT LORD GOD!!!

Just some thoughts!

Falla39

Such good advice, Sister Falla