Grace-Based or Fear-Based Parenting?

[Ferd]

Another point. Far too often, when "grace" is mentioned, the following is left out.


Titus 2:11For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;


Grace is a teacher. There is instruction. Grace is not a free pass. There is longsuffering and mercy certainly. But Grace does not simply smile when we fall short. Grace puts us to the test so that we learn and overcome.


The following best demonstrates grace by a parent. Unfortunatly for me, it was my mom.

To start with, my parents could be both very strict and at the same time allowing independence.
In highschool, I foolishly went out with some school buddies and we decided it would be a great idea to get drunk. I did. Bad move.
Now mom and dad never said a word to me about it. But the next morning mom got me up early and drug me around Dallas all day long. It was the longest day of my then short life! LOL! I had no idea what she was doing but by the end of the day, I decided there was nothing fun about drinking alcohol. Now that wasn’t my last trip around the mulberry bush but it was my last tango while under mom and dads roof!

It wasn’t until much later as an adult that we talked about that. I had no idea the point was to teach me something about it. Grace can be both merciful and harsh at the same time.

[deltaguitar]

I have read most of the book. Our church handed it out at a parenting class.

In that chapter the author is showing the dangers of being to legalistic AND being to lenient to the point of allowing the children to make all their own decisions.

The whole point of the book is that we should focus on training the heart of the child and teaching them to make correct decisions. His main point in that chapter is that if all you have are rules you will end up with children who will find loopholes and that many christians fall into the trap of the "checklist" method of parenting.

[Orthodoxy]

Along these same lines, here is another article that has recently been circulating around the web.

It is written specifically for homeschoolers, but applies to every Christian family regardless of educational choice.

Exposing Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers, by Reb Bradley

In the last couple of years, I have heard from multitudes of troubled homeschool parents around the country, a good many of whom were leaders. These parents have graduated their first batch of kids, only to discover that their children didn't turn out the way they thought they would. Many of these children were model homeschoolers while growing up, but sometime after their 18th birthday they began to reveal that they didn't hold to their parents' values.

Some of these young people grew up and left home in defiance of their parents. Others got married against their parents' wishes, and still others got involved with drugs, alcohol, and immorality. I have even heard of several exemplary young men who no longer even believe in God. My own adult children have gone through struggles I never guessed they would face.

Most of these parents remain stunned by their children's choices, because they were fully confident their approach to parenting was going to prevent any such rebellion.

After several years of examining what went wrong in our own home and in the homes of so many conscientious parents, God has opened our eyes to a number of critical blind spots common to homeschoolers and other family-minded people.

Read the rest of the article here.

[Ferd]

Originally Posted by deltaguitar

I have read most of the book. Our church handed it out at a parenting class.

In that chapter the author is showing the dangers of being to legalistic AND being to lenient to the point of allowing the children to make all their own decisions.

The whole point of the book is that we should focus on training the heart of the child and teaching them to make correct decisions. His main point in that chapter is that if all you have are rules you will end up with children who will find loopholes and that many christians fall into the trap of the "checklist" method of parenting.

you have read it and I have not... so based on this, I retract my "idiot" comment.

just the part quoted seemed to be take one tact over the other... balance is the key.

[Amanah]

Originally Posted by Orthodoxy

Along these same lines, here is another article that has recently been circulating around the web.

It is written specifically for homeschoolers, but applies to every Christian family regardless of educational choice.



Read the rest of the article here.

I read it. It's very good, very wise.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by Orthodoxy

Along these same lines, here is another article that has recently been circulating around the web.

It is written specifically for homeschoolers, but applies to every Christian family regardless of educational choice.



Read the rest of the article here.

I like this quote from the article:

A friend of mine, a homeschool mom, just passed away of cancer. In the week before she died, I asked her if she had any regrets in her life. She told me she wished she had baked less bread - she said if she had it to do over again she would buy bread and spend more time with her children. She had invested time and energy in pursuing the "path" because she thought it was part of the spiritual homeschool package.

[RandyWayne]

It's actually a very good article.

[Orthodoxy]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

It's actually a very good article.

Yeah, it's one of the best family articles I've read in a while.

[*AQuietPlace*]

The author's not an idiot, the book is fantastic. Was a life-changing book for me.

[Uncle Joe]

I feel it is safest to err on the side of grace. Fear-based parenting only creates a wedge between parent and child, souring the relationship. Plus, how we deal with others may be how we get dealt with at the Judgment.

This isn't to say there shouldn't be rules and enforcement of those rules, though.