Whew! With All The Posts I Need A Laugh!

BeenThinkin · #1 11-07-2011, 08:47 PM

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 90, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Pleased, Jacob smiles at his bride-to-be, then says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to use this store as our "Bridal Registry."

Been Thinkin

BeenThinkin · #2 11-07-2011, 08:52 PM

Never Trust an Old Lady
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see .. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Old Lady: I bet the lying dog said I was speeding, too!

BeenThinkin · #3 11-07-2011, 08:55 PM

The Blonde Sister

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son, who lived far away, called his blonde sister and told her to, "..do something nice for Dad and just send me the bill."

A while later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his sister to find out what was going on.

"Well," said the blonde, "You said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

Well that's enough for tonight! See how much theology you can find wrong with these! :happy dance

Been Thinkin

Jay · #4 11-07-2011, 10:45 PM

Wow. That is all that is left to say. I found those funny, but now I am rather speechless.

Digging4Truth · #5 11-08-2011, 06:27 AM

I always liked this one...

4 LOL's Little Old Ladies) are traveling down the road and they get pulled over by a cop. The cop had pulled her over because she was going too slow. She was on a 65 MPH stretch of road and she was going 27 mph.
The lady asked the officer why he had pulled her over and he said "Well ma'am. I pulled you over because of your speed."

She said... Oh that's not possible because I am ALWAYS very careful to drive the exact speed limit and the speed limit on this road is 27.

The officer smiled and said "Ma'am the speed limit on this road is 65. You're on HIGHWAY 27. But... your 3 passengers look a little pale. Is everyone okay?"

She replied "Oh yes sir. They'll be fine. We just turned off of Highway 105"

Cindy · #6 11-08-2011, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digging4Truth

I always liked this one...

4 LOL's Little Old Ladies) are traveling down the road and they get pulled over by a cop. The cop had pulled her over because she was going too slow. She was on a 65 MPH stretch of road and she was going 27 mph.
The lady asked the officer why he had pulled her over and he said "Well ma'am. I pulled you over because of your speed."

She said... Oh that's not possible because I am ALWAYS very careful to drive the exact speed limit and the speed limit on this road is 27.

The officer smiled and said "Ma'am the speed limit on this road is 65. You're on HIGHWAY 27. But... your 3 passengers look a little pale. Is everyone okay?"

She replied "Oh yes sir. They'll be fine. We just turned off of Highway 105"

Why are you posting about me?

Dagwood · #7 11-08-2011, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeenThinkin

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 90, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Pleased, Jacob smiles at his bride-to-be, then says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to use this store as our "Bridal Registry."

Been Thinkin

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeenThinkin

Never Trust an Old Lady
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see .. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Old Lady: I bet the lying dog said I was speeding, too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digging4Truth

I always liked this one...

4 LOL's Little Old Ladies) are traveling down the road and they get pulled over by a cop. The cop had pulled her over because she was going too slow. She was on a 65 MPH stretch of road and she was going 27 mph.
The lady asked the officer why he had pulled her over and he said "Well ma'am. I pulled you over because of your speed."

She said... Oh that's not possible because I am ALWAYS very careful to drive the exact speed limit and the speed limit on this road is 27.

The officer smiled and said "Ma'am the speed limit on this road is 65. You're on HIGHWAY 27. But... your 3 passengers look a little pale. Is everyone okay?"

She replied "Oh yes sir. They'll be fine. We just turned off of Highway 105"

This is why I love "old" people...