Gossip

[Amanah]

Originally Posted by The Matt

. . . I seriously doubt he was asking to know what to pray for me about. No, he was asking for confirmation for his juicy piece of gossip.

Matt, I'm sorry you are hurt, but don't take it too much to heart. Even in a close Christian fellowship there are going to be times when you are wounded by your friends. There is no excuse for it. But as long as we are in the flesh people are going to make mistakes. This isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection of the ignorance of people.

Reminds me of a mistake I once made. I was teaching a young woman bible studies, she was baptised, and had received the Holy Ghost. I drove by her apartment to pick her up for church and she told me she had to go to her AA meeting. I said "you have the Holy Ghost now, you don't need to go to your meeting." Next time I saw her she was dead drunk. I think I should have let her choose to go to the AA meeting instead of insisting I had all the answers.

[Titus2woman]

This hits so close to home right now. First I want to say that I support everything that AYR said and then I'll add a story. I have a dear friend from church. She suffers with bipolar disorder and is on medications.... well was on medications... A couple of years back she shared with someone who is a preachers wife and should have been a mature sister that she had suffered from post-partum depression after her first child (18 years ago). She shared about her fears that she was going to hurt him when he was an infant and how it had affected her by causing her terrible worry that she would suffer again after the birth of her second child (she did not, meds kept her stable)...

Anyway this sister decided to spread some hyped up version of this story all over church pretty much only in her version or the revised versions after, my friend is a portrayed as a danger to children. She was dismissed from teaching Sunday school and has been left out of baby showers and other social activities of the church. This has really been upsetting to her and in an effort to prove she is not 'crazy' she has recently gone off all meds. I am worried sick that she will have a relapse of depression and have been in fervent and constant prayer. I am also fearful for those who spread these rumors and lies at the peril of their own souls. My friend is currently thinking about leaving the church to get away from all the controversy.

Unfortunately mental illness is still widely misunderstood and stigmatized. I counsel friends and family that they should never discuss their mental illness, psychological or psychiatric issues with anyone except paid professionals who are legally bound to keep confidence and possibly with very close family if they are loving and supportive. I am heartbroken that I feel this way but too many people are still ignorant and unable to be understanding. Too many have fear and with the legal culpability for employers that exists now a history of mental illness can even make one unemployable, especially in certain fields like medicine and education. Lives are ruined because of disclosure.

So while the bible tells us to confess our sins to one another and to bear one another's burdens, I'm afraid in this case I have to say from experience that it is better to keep things to yourself.

[bbyrd009]

Ouch. How sad is that? Please tell somebody, if you feel a need--a stranger on a park bench. A counselor who cannot gossip without breaking a law. The right older person, maybe in a home or something. Better than stuffing it.

I'd say that "lives ruined" might also be interpreted "lives improved" by recognition of enemies posing as friends, but I understand that in practice this might be difficult, if you care what other people think.

[Titus2woman]

Originally Posted by bbyrd009

Ouch. How sad is that? Please tell somebody, if you feel a need--a stranger on a park bench. A counselor who cannot gossip without breaking a law. The right older person, maybe in a home or something. Better than stuffing it.

I'd say that "lives ruined" might also be interpreted "lives improved" by recognition of enemies posing as friends, but I understand that in practice this might be difficult, if you care what other people think.

Not talking about lives ruined in that sense byrd... I am talking about job loss and the inability to find gainful employment or being restricted from careers that are meaningful (medicine, teaching, etc.). Discrimination against those with mental illness is still acceptable most places.

[bbyrd009]

Originally Posted by Titus2woman

Not talking about lives ruined in that sense byrd... I am talking about job loss and the inability to find gainful employment or being restricted from careers that are meaningful (medicine, teaching, etc.). Discrimination against those with mental illness is still acceptable most places.

Yes, I understand, and your advice def has a place, which is what I meant by "sad" or whatever.

[Michael Phelps]

Originally Posted by The Matt

Ugh...I'm going to vent. Forgive me. I'm really hurt right now. Someone in church came to me, during PRAYER MEETING, while I was praying, taps me on the shoulder, and says, "Matt. Are you on any medication?" This stunned me, but really I should have known what was to follow. I couldn't exactly lie about it, and I guess I could have said "That's none of your business" but I'm not a rude person. So I says, "Yes brother, I'm on an antipsychotic called Geodon." He says "What's that for?" I says "Mostly for depression, it levels me out". He says (Wait for it) "Oh cause I HEARD FROM SOMEONE you were on Xanax and... I cut him off right there. I says "Brother, at the beginning of January God delivered me of all the narcotics I was on. And don't let anyone tell you any different. And you can tell whoever told you that, I praise God for my deliverance every single day." Well, it shut him up, but I'm still hurt. Whoever I told I was on those medications I'm sure I made clear I was on for valid psychiatric reasons. AND whoever I told that to should have well known I was telling them so in a state of desperation and I was admitting sins to a BROTHER who should have practiced a little self restraint and dare I say pity for someone who was addicted to substances. AND that brother should have known not to use my personal problems as a way to have the latest and greatest bit of GOSSIP on ole Brother Matt. Gossip is a sin people. I very hurtful sin that does nothing but harm. It doesn't help the kingdom of God. God knows all, he doesn't need your prophecy to another brother. So this leads me to wonder, just how many other people think I'm a strung out dopehead? Ugh. I'm proud of myself that I was able to refrain from typing this without cursing, because trust me, I wanted to. Again, please forgive me, I just needed a place to vent. I'm so angry and frustrated right now. I seriously doubt he was asking to know what to pray for me about. No, he was asking for confirmation for his juicy piece of gossip. I'm now going to forget there's an edit button.

I won't even address the meds, I'll address the topic of this thread - GOSSIP!

Matt, you are 100% correct, you did what the Bible instructs, and went to a brother to "confess your faults". This brother violated scripture!

I get so frustrated with organizations that continually harp on extra-biblical external standards, but ignore, and in many cases ENCOURAGE, sins of the heart, such as gossip!!!!!

Sorry to hear of the situation, keep the faith - we're not all like that!

[KeptByTheWord]

I want to second all that ARY and T2W have said.

Being part of the medical community myself, I have realized that mental illness is every bit as real as any medical illness. And, I do believe God is every bit as able to heal mental illness, as He can heal the body too.

But just as you would not tell a diabetic to completely stop taking their meds, neither should you counsel someone dealing with mental illness to stop taking their drugs either, unless great faith is involved, and wisdom, great wisdom!

So Matt, a word to the wise here. The more people know about you, the more power they have over you. Tell as little as you can to people who could use it against you later. That is a sad truth.

Talking to professionals about your situation, in this case, is much more advisable than discussing it with someone who has never dealt with that issue in their own life, or someone who knows nothing about it at all.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Titus2woman

Anyway this sister decided to spread some hyped up version of this story all over church pretty much only in her version or the revised versions after, my friend is a portrayed as a danger to children. She was dismissed from teaching Sunday school and has been left out of baby showers and other social activities of the church. This has really been upsetting to her and in an effort to prove she is not 'crazy' she has recently gone off all meds. I am worried sick that she will have a relapse of depression and have been in fervent and constant prayer. I am also fearful for those who spread these rumors and lies at the peril of their own souls. My friend is currently thinking about leaving the church to get away from all the controversy.

Now this is really sad! I really feel sad for this lady!

The one who spread the hype set out to destroy this sister with her mouth. Shame on her! Not a good thing for her unless she repents, recants what she said and restores this woman to the fellowship.

If my advice was asked for, I would advise to your friend to immediately get back on her medications and restabilize her life. Something like this will allow her to spiral downwards until these circumstances cause her to relapse. This ignorance is not worth disrupting her own life. She does not have to prove anything to anybody. If she relapses, this will then give the ignorant people cause to say hmmm yes, we were right to strip her of her dignity. She was not worthy to serve the Lord in the capacity she was in. We were right. <of course you know I am being being sarcastic towards the perpetrators>

Reality is, she has a brain chemical imbalance, but sounds to me like those "good" people do not want to be educated.

God will restore her serving Him either in that church or somewhere else. He knows her inner heart.

Originally Posted by Titus2woman

Unfortunately mental illness is still widely misunderstood and stigmatized. I counsel friends and family that they should never discuss their mental illness, psychological or psychiatric issues with anyone except paid professionals who are legally bound to keep confidence and possibly with very close family if they are loving and supportive. I am heartbroken that I feel this way but too many people are still ignorant and unable to be understanding. Too many have fear and with the legal culpability for employers that exists now a history of mental illness can even make one unemployable, especially in certain fields like medicine and education. Lives are ruined because of disclosure.

So while the bible tells us to confess our sins to one another and to bear one another's burdens, I'm afraid in this case I have to say from experience that it is better to keep things to yourself.

Yes, this is good advice. I've learned the hard way that even though you think that you can trust someone with something so important happening in your life, at some point in time, some will only use it to further their own agenda...whatever that may be...to make you look bad and them look great.

[The Matt]

Originally Posted by Amanah

Matt, I'm sorry you are hurt, but don't take it too much to heart. Even in a close Christian fellowship there are going to be times when you are wounded by your friends. There is no excuse for it. But as long as we are in the flesh people are going to make mistakes. This isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection of the ignorance of people.

Reminds me of a mistake I once made. I was teaching a young woman bible studies, she was baptised, and had received the Holy Ghost. I drove by her apartment to pick her up for church and she told me she had to go to her AA meeting. I said "you have the Holy Ghost now, you don't need to go to your meeting." Next time I saw her she was dead drunk. I think I should have let her choose to go to the AA meeting instead of insisting I had all the answers.

I thank God I had the strength to do what I had to do without AA. But different people have different needs. I had a bad experience with them.

[The Matt]

Originally Posted by Titus2woman

This hits so close to home right now. First I want to say that I support everything that AYR said and then I'll add a story. I have a dear friend from church. She suffers with bipolar disorder and is on medications.... well was on medications... A couple of years back she shared with someone who is a preachers wife and should have been a mature sister that she had suffered from post-partum depression after her first child (18 years ago). She shared about her fears that she was going to hurt him when he was an infant and how it had affected her by causing her terrible worry that she would suffer again after the birth of her second child (she did not, meds kept her stable)...

Anyway this sister decided to spread some hyped up version of this story all over church pretty much only in her version or the revised versions after, my friend is a portrayed as a danger to children. She was dismissed from teaching Sunday school and has been left out of baby showers and other social activities of the church. This has really been upsetting to her and in an effort to prove she is not 'crazy' she has recently gone off all meds. I am worried sick that she will have a relapse of depression and have been in fervent and constant prayer. I am also fearful for those who spread these rumors and lies at the peril of their own souls. My friend is currently thinking about leaving the church to get away from all the controversy.

Unfortunately mental illness is still widely misunderstood and stigmatized. I counsel friends and family that they should never discuss their mental illness, psychological or psychiatric issues with anyone except paid professionals who are legally bound to keep confidence and possibly with very close family if they are loving and supportive. I am heartbroken that I feel this way but too many people are still ignorant and unable to be understanding. Too many have fear and with the legal culpability for employers that exists now a history of mental illness can even make one unemployable, especially in certain fields like medicine and education. Lives are ruined because of disclosure.

So while the bible tells us to confess our sins to one another and to bear one another's burdens, I'm afraid in this case I have to say from experience that it is better to keep things to yourself.

God bless her for her strength. I hope her thoughts aren't purely on trying to prove a point, and she sincerely wants to live without the bondage of medication. I'm in the same boat as my pastor, if someone is prescribed something from a doctor, they need it. However that being said, when I was diagnosed, I was asked questions that every single person feels sometimes in their lives, especially someone under the influence of drugs. I feel the only thing I should have been treated for was temporary depression WHEN I NEED IT, and substance abuse. Instead, every time I felt something different during the time I was away from the doctor, then "Oh that means you're this, let's put you on this. Oh that means you're that, let's put you on that." That coupled with my want to be on different medications for the effects of them, I was just on a downward spiral. Before the end of it, I was on five different medications, and now I feel things I never felt before I started being treated. The medication I'm on now, I'm addicted to and I can't sleep without. That plus the fact that the detox is horrible from this stuff, is why I'm still on it.