Modesty Myth

[ILG]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

If there is an achilles heel of some of our traditional teachings on modesty, it is that it can condition men to view women who are immodest (using subjective modesty standards) as worthy of their disrespect. They sort the ladies from the rest by a cursory assessment of their appearance, and behave accordingly. That is a problem in the male psyche; not the female. It's particularly problematic when their filter is based on traditional Apostolic modes of dress, since there are plenty of ladylike ladies who wear secular clothing. Okay, maybe "plenty" is overstating it these days, but still... What I want for my son is for him to be a gentleman and Christian at all times--even to a prostitute who is actively "asking for it."

I think this is a very good point. I think that the teaching that women who dress immodestly are looking for sex is erroneous. It's mostly just the men who think they are.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by ILG

I believe both parties are responsible to do their part. Women should dress modestly but a holy man would not look to lust upon a woman who was walking the streets naked, although he might be tempted. Women are not responsible for a man's actions but a responsible woman would not want a weak man to struggle over her dress.

I think the problem has been that men have been in the pulpit talking about women's dress for too long, rather than concentrating on their own issues with lust. Let the older women teach the younger women how to dress and if men are going to preach from the pulpit, let them preach against pornography and lust. I dunno. That seems right to me anyway.

100% agree!

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Have a current case in point. My husband is working out of town and the guys told him, last night, "Come on, we are going to a strip club. Your wife will never know."

Of course, he told them he wouldn't be going. But, they will be talking about it today!

They going to respect him to no end!

[ILG]

Wives always "sense" when something is off and it affects the relationship.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

They going to respect him to no end!

He told me today that they were only joking, because they knew he wouldn't go. Although, I can guarantee you that he is more afraid of God than he is of me.

[BeenThinkin]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

He told me today that they were only joking, because they knew he wouldn't go. Although, I can guarantee you that he is more afraid of God than he is of me.

"I doubt that!"

Been Thinkin

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by BeenThinkin

"I doubt that!"

Been Thinkin

After deep reflection...On second thought......

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by BeenThinkin

"I doubt that!"

Been Thinkin

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by ILG

I think this is a very good point. I think that the teaching that women who dress immodestly are looking for sex is erroneous. It's mostly just the men who think they are.

They may not be looking for sex but many are trying to appear sexy.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

They may not be looking for sex but many are trying to appear sexy.

Well, you then have to address the cultural issue in which girls and women are conditioned to think that "sexy" is the norm rather than the exception. (For how they should dress) Media has saturated us with images of what women should look like, and modesty is castigated as dowdy or frumpy. Men can cover themselves completely and look perfectly fine, while women are expected to show skin if they are to be fashionable or attractive. Ergo, some women are going to be crossing the sexy line in an attempt to look "pretty" (as the secular world presents it).

Because it IS a complicated issue, it's best to avoid judging motives by appearance only and be respectful to everyone. Sometimes motives are made obvious, but even when they are, the correct response from a Christian man is one of respectful, gentlemanly behavior.

If men would simply be respectful to women in general and stop trying to visually separate the ladies from the tramps, pardon my French, it would solve a lot of problems. For the Christian man, there is no need to decide who's a lady and who's not; be respectful to other people--period. It should take quite the burden off a man's shoulders to find that he doesn't need to size women up based on what they're wearing and treat them differently because of it. Hold the door open for the woman who looks like a streetwalker just as quickly as you would hold the door for a woman in a modest dress. Be as courteous to the teenage girl in the halter top and cheeky shorts as you would to your own wife or daughter.

I'm not at all in favor of alleviating female responsibility. However, it is a pointless endeavor on the part of a Christian man to go around differentiating between ladies and the...unladylike. What's the point of that? Be a Christian to all women. If women behaved the way some men do, they would be modest only in the presence of the gentlemen and dress and act immodestly in the presence of lascivious men. That makes zero sense when you reverse it, yet men do this a LOT. They will be gentlemen in the presence of modest, ladylike ladies, but excuse themselves to behave coarsely and disrespectfully if a woman isn't perceived as being ladylike. It's as if when a woman is immodest they feel it also excuses them to be immodest in the way they think, speak and act.