I'm leaving my church. Please pray.

[Real Realism]

Originally Posted by The Lemon

during my struggle, I have missed some services - I have been sat down - I know what it feels like to feel you need to perform for approval and opportunities to share what God has given you. I play music, and am licensed, if I go away with my family for a weekend - you can bet the following Sunday, I am not asked on the platform to play. No words spoken, but a silent rebuke is just as loud as a verbal one, believe me.

I have noticed when I do all that is expected, dress the part, attend, give and all in betweens, I am included - if I hiccup, boom, it changes. It is sad, and speaks nothing of relationship, but screams religion loud and clear.

Wow. This hits so close to home, it's almost like looking in a mirror.

Months back, we had a "special service" announced just days beforehand...when our family had already made plans months ago to another (non-church) commitment. And then comments are made over the platform that if you "don't change your plans to attend this special service" (that we just announced, three days in advance) "you must not love children." What message is that sending to my children to raise them in this type of atmosphere where comments like undermine the spiritual authority we should have in our home? Not wanting to hi-jak this thread, but I just had to point out that it's a common theme, and others are struggling with very similar issues and decisions.

[The Lemon]

Real,

I understand...trust me! I have made my mind up that as long as my morals, integrity, and character are in tact, and that I am in the Word and prayer about myself and home that I will be silent and confident about the direction I take my family.

I will only engage if I am engaged. Believe me, there is a part of me that would love to be vocal, but knowing that I would be in the wrong spirit and attitude prevents me from doing such.

I am DONE with performanced based religion and relationships in Church. If I am good enough, I am fellowshipped, if not ignored - so ignorant.

It does hurt knowing I bring alot to the table but am uninvited to dinner! I can live with it, knowing that my family means more to me then the structure - I can play unto the Lord in my home - I don't have to have a platform to do so.

In my mind - if you or I is weak - or even percieved to be weak - fine - lift one another up - bear one anothers burden - this kick them when they are down is NOT spiritual and in fact is carnal.

One quote that I have written down at my desk at work is: "If you can't teach the why, then don't preach the do"

it reminds me that I am not as smart and versed as I sometimes think I am - it also reminds me that many people who have influence in my life may also not be as smart as I think they are..

[CC1]

If your account of your pastor's way of preaching is accurate I would have been gone a long time ago strictly based on that!

My whole point about you having a conversation with him is that you hung in there for years with this situation evolving to the point you are now convinced he is talking about you re tithing so why not clear the air about it before you leave?

[endtimer]

Wow, what a tremendous thing to endure! Reminds me of my own testimony in many ways. The difficulty of a trial is one thing but to be misunderstood is salt in the wound. I made a geographical move while in a spiritual valley, man that turned out bad! After 6 months, I moved back home. Good move. Over a year ago I strongly considered a move again because my sense of tradition was violated, felt very misunderstood in my financial and health problems. Long story short I failed to live up to others expectations of me. My wife and I were in the trial of our lives (5 years tear down, 2 years restoration, making it 7 years ) and we were not sprinting this race but rather crawling at a very slow pace. We were hurt, offended and my pastor let some of it happen, not sure he could've prevent it anyway. Add to all this the false starts in ministry. What a let down! I went to God with my mind made up to leave and I was there to pray about where to go. I take my ministry seriously and was not /am not willing to just go sit under any ministry. So I prayed with the intent to leave. The Lord spoke to me and said "You will go no where until you pray for that pastor, leaders and church". This was a difficult thing the Lord wanted me to do. Over the following weeks of daily prayer I began to learn that I was grossly misunderstanding the situation. Today a year or so later after weeks of prayer and monthly casual meetings with my pastor, the issue is resolved. My wife and I are prospering in our walk with God and ministry these days. Ive been in ministry one form or another for 20 years now. Ive been everything from usher to pastor, now evangelist. I say all this to qualify my answer to you and remind you that you are not alone. I notice that you named this thread "Im leaving my church, please pray". Please make it your mission to pray for that pastor before you go anywhere. I implore you, don't move then pray for God to bless your decision. Have you met with your pastor? Pray then meet. Give your pastor a shot at better understanding where you are at now. Give yourself a shot at understanding his position towards you. Meet with him casually, in a public place ( I met mine at restaurants cuz food helps break tension) without confrontation in mind, several times if need be. Give God room to work before you make up your mind.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by The Lemon

In spite of what I may disagree with, I believe the message and choose to stay. If he comes to me and becomes unreasonable and chooses to handle things in a demanding and controlling way and takes a hard fast stand - well then I will have to do more seeking and praying for the next decision - until then, I will do what I can to live peaceably in my current situation.

This, because you are saying that the most important thing to you is God's will for you and your family. That is something I can respect.

We've been in some really tough spots, like the OP, but we never made a decision without taking it to God first. We taught our children to "see it through" if God doesn't release you.

Ironically, many times we had to stay put and "see it through", but we were always delivered in the end. We moved or the leadership moved.

We are in a tight spot now, but we feel we need to stay. I know from experience that when you can't take anymore, you can. And you only find out after the battle is over that He never did put more on you than you can bear.

We hear it said - more than some and fewer that others - when it is yours, it is always more than some.

In good or bad circumstances we are adding to our faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.


I'm sure Originalist will follow God's lead and make the right choice.

Afterall, anyone going to Mexico has GOT to be listening to God to make that type of venture. lol

[Steve Epley]

Have yo thought of having a sit down with him and discuss your concerns? I don't know him maybe it is impossible? But you have all that time and life involved why not give him a chance. Preachers are human maybe he just misspoke and might apologize to you or maybe you wasn't in his thoughts/

[Jermyn Davidson]

Heard this song at work today and thought of you, brother.

I am almost positive that this was recorded live at Faith World, in the "City Beautiful".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja2XaS_JeDk

[endtimer]

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

Heard this song at work today and thought of you, brother.

I am almost positive that this was recorded live at Faith World, in the "City Beautiful".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja2XaS_JeDk

I lived on this song in my trials. thanks for the reminder of it.

[Praxeas]

Originally Posted by returnman

Sorry, I made the comment on the fly and probably could have stated it different. On the quick read it seems you are lumping too much over a period of time into what the real issue is. Some of what has occurred are very unfortunate events but not out of the ordinary of what most of us experience.

Hope that clarifies a bit and my prayers for your situation with the current church and pastor.

My pastor does not treat people like that from the pulpit or in person

[returnman]

Originally Posted by Praxeas

My pastor does not treat people like that from the pulpit or in person

I was referring to more of the life's events/happenings that where outside of the church. There were about 4-5 years of events covered if I am not mistaken. I tend to be too concrete and think in black/white which gets me in trouble but at the same time enables me to put experiences in the present and move on. In other words whatever I am facing today I deal with and do not reflect back too much. I have been an engineer/problem solver most of my adult life so what works for me but may not work for someone else. nuf said.