The West Virgina Blonde Story

[Wilsonwas]

There being a few heated threads, and because some on asked.....here is the story.

I was making the last trip from Michigan to NC, towing an 18ft. Landscape trailer with the remainder of our household goods. On this trailer was the rest of my wood shop, some other heavy stuff, and in the bed under the bed cover was my gun safe. Consequently I was running heavy, and needless to say the pickup was getting horrible milage. This is important later in the story.

So...I left Ohio at roughly midnight after injuring my wrist loading the safe in the bed by myself. I was running late, but had made good time in the flatlands. However the speed cost even more in the gas tank.


So.....around 50 miles from Charleston I decided it would cost less if I avoided the tolls on 77 through to Wytheville. I assumed I could back-road my way to Bluefeild or Wytheville- start of the bad idea.

The divergent road south appeared for another 20 miles to be a divided hiway, and I thought this was going to be smooth sailing. I texted the Sis. Was to say I should be in by 3 or 4 AM. Second bad idea...

Thereafter the road narrowed to a windy, twisted two lane nightmare. Which eventually led me into a town called Mann WV. At which point the GPS decided I was not going home, and proceded to guide me in the circles only a doomed traveler in unfamiliar territory would execute.

Now of course the pesky fuel light started dinging, and proclaiming me to be a first order moron. So I ignored the GPS, which must have been prophetic....and headed into town to the lights of a gas station.

I filled up with fuel, knowing there was nothing on the card till morning, but also knowing it would autorize against the same few bucks that it had for 250 miles already, putting a hold on my insufficient funds but getting me gas.

As I pulled away with another full tank on an emtpy card.....the guy in front of me ran nearly off the road and slowed. As I was pulling the trailer and full bed, I had not yet hit the 15mph required to engage the auto locks.
Bad idea #3....trusting nothing would get to me before I hit 15 mph.

Out of the gloomy, darkness and fog, I found what had caused the other driver to act so oddly. In my right headlight beam was a blonde woman in the middle of the road. As I had the trailer I could not bob and weave as did the other car, no, I was forced to stop.

As a reward for not killing her, the blonde assumed therefore I was offering a ride. So she opened my unlocked door, which was the cumulative impact of ideas 1 through 3. Tossed in her bag of stuff and hoped into the passenger seat.

At this point, I determined she was a bit drunk. So....remembering an old sermon joke about not picking a fight with a wildcat while you are in a tree with it.....I executed bad idea #4. And chose to converse with it.

She was at this point rather coherent- and suggested I take her down the road to someone else's house where her no good husband could be found out sleepin around with some chick...............uh...........

.........I have seen this movie.....I know who gets shot. Nay, nay, this we shall not do.

Fortunate me.....she decided that was OK....we would just go wherever I was already going. I wisely......or so I thought, avoided that police issue, and at this point my GPS was completely confused, had no signal and was useless. So I reasoned that even a little tipsy, maybe she could navigat back to the freeway just south of Bluefield, and I could loose her at a rest stop. Did I mention there were at least 5 bad ideas on thus trip.....well this was number 5.

We started off in the directions she plotted. A drunk Blonde is a perfect match for a useless GPS. As both will drive you simultaneously insane, and futher into - I hear banjo music, paddle faster territory..

At some point we drove under a coal tipple, and I stopped. This prompted her to turn on the map light- and ask me If I thought she was pretty. I have also seen this movie, however, keeping the wildcat story in mind, I told her she was, but that my wife would be as mad as her if there was any catting around up in here.....

.....she agreed......(thank the Lord)

I decided sitting still might lead back to the am I pretty line.....so I pulled back onto the road. She suddenly developed an interest in something in the back seat. So.....

She climbed onto my side of the truck- facing the back- with one knee on either side of my hip.

It is needless to point out one cannot navigate curvy mountain roads - with woman bits in your face.

So I stopped and got her stuff for her- then got her back to her side of the truck. (Again thank you Jesus) We did not drive off a mountain and make the morning paper all that more interesting for lonely persons in town.

At this point I gave up on the wildcat theory.....because I just wanted rid of her. She however had one more trick. She grabbed a bag I had not noticed before and downed a big horse size pill with the rest of a fifth of something......became very quiet.....then pased out on the console.

The less Christian bit of me had a brilliant idea.....open the door and kick her out in the ditch.......

But the good Wilson took over and found his way back to Mann .......literally.


Where upon the owner of the seven eleven would not have her on his park bench, so I called 911

............

............

An hour later Barney showed up. I had locked her in the truck with me outside in case "am I pretty" came back. Not up the tree no wildcat to fight.

He asked me to unlock it. I did......

She started to fall out on Barney.......

So he shoved her back in and locked the door.....

I guess he did not like the look I gave him. But he called for the Ambulance from Charleston.

At 3:30 AM I was ordered to follow the ambulance back to where I started. I did....paid the tolls....got home by 9AM


Do you ever wonder if you get into stupid stuff because you are the only one God can trust to get that crazy blonde (or whatever) home safe, or is it to teach you not to be that fool....trying to skate hone and cheat the toll booth???

[1ofthechosen]

Originally Posted by Wilsonwas

There being a few heated threads, and because some on asked.....here is the story.

I was making the last trip from Michigan to NC, towing an 18ft. Landscape trailer with the remainder of our household goods. On this trailer was the rest of my wood shop, some other heavy stuff, and in the bed under the bed cover was my gun safe. Consequently I was running heavy, and needless to say the pickup was getting horrible milage. This is important later in the story.

So...I left Ohio at roughly midnight after injuring my wrist loading the safe in the bed by myself. I was running late, but had made good time in the flatlands. However the speed cost even more in the gas tank.


So.....around 50 miles from Charleston I decided it would cost less if I avoided the tolls on 77 through to Wytheville. I assumed I could back-road my way to Bluefeild or Wytheville- start of the bad idea.

The divergent road south appeared for another 20 miles to be a divided hiway, and I thought this was going to be smooth sailing. I texted the Sis. Was to say I should be in by 3 or 4 AM. Second bad idea...

Thereafter the road narrowed to a windy, twisted two lane nightmare. Which eventually led me into a town called Mann WV. At which point the GPS decided I was not going home, and proceded to guide me in the circles only a doomed traveler in unfamiliar territory would execute.

Now of course the pesky fuel light started dinging, and proclaiming me to be a first order moron. So I ignored the GPS, which must have been prophetic....and headed into town to the lights of a gas station.

I filled up with fuel, knowing there was nothing on the card till morning, but also knowing it would autorize against the same few bucks that it had for 250 miles already, putting a hold on my insufficient funds but getting me gas.

As I pulled away with another full tank on an emtpy card.....the guy in front of me ran nearly off the road and slowed. As I was pulling the trailer and full bed, I had not yet hit the 15mph required to engage the auto locks.
Bad idea #3....trusting nothing would get to me before I hit 15 mph.

Out of the gloomy, darkness and fog, I found what had caused the other driver to act so oddly. In my right headlight beam was a blonde woman in the middle of the road. As I had the trailer I could not bob and weave as did the other car, no, I was forced to stop.

As a reward for not killing her, the blonde assumed therefore I was offering a ride. So she opened my unlocked door, which was the cumulative impact of ideas 1 through 3. Tossed in her bag of stuff and hoped into the passenger seat.

At this point, I determined she was a bit drunk. So....remembering an old sermon joke about not picking a fight with a wildcat while you are in a tree with it.....I executed bad idea #4. And chose to converse with it.

She was at this point rather coherent- and suggested I take her down the road to someone else's house where her no good husband could be found out sleepin around with some chick...............uh...........

.........I have seen this movie.....I know who gets shot. Nay, nay, this we shall not do.

Fortunate me.....she decided that was OK....we would just go wherever I was already going. I wisely......or so I thought, avoided that police issue, and at this point my GPS was completely confused, had no signal and was useless. So I reasoned that even a little tipsy, maybe she could navigat back to the freeway just south of Bluefield, and I could loose her at a rest stop. Did I mention there were at least 5 bad ideas on thus trip.....well this was number 5.

We started off in the directions she plotted. A drunk Blonde is a perfect match for a useless GPS. As both will drive you simultaneously insane, and futher into - I hear banjo music, paddle faster territory..

At some point we drove under a coal tipple, and I stopped. This prompted her to turn on the map light- and ask me If I thought she was pretty. I have also seen this movie, however, keeping the wildcat story in mind, I told her she was, but that my wife would be as mad as her if there was any catting around up in here.....

.....she agreed......(thank the Lord)

I decided sitting still might lead back to the am I pretty line.....so I pulled back onto the road. She suddenly developed an interest in something in the back seat. So.....

She climbed onto my side of the truck- facing the back- with one knee on either side of my hip.

It is needless to point out one cannot navigate curvy mountain roads - with woman bits in your face.

So I stopped and got her stuff for her- then got her back to her side of the truck. (Again thank you Jesus) We did not drive off a mountain and make the morning paper all that more interesting for lonely persons in town.

At this point I gave up on the wildcat theory.....because I just wanted rid of her. She however had one more trick. She grabbed a bag I had not noticed before and downed a big horse size pill with the rest of a fifth of something......became very quiet.....then pased out on the console.

The less Christian bit of me had a brilliant idea.....open the door and kick her out in the ditch.......

But the good Wilson took over and found his way back to Mann .......literally.


Where upon the owner of the seven eleven would not have her on his park bench, so I called 911

............

............

An hour later Barney showed up. I had locked her in the truck with me outside in case "am I pretty" came back. Not up the tree no wildcat to fight.

He asked me to unlock it. I did......

She started to fall out on Barney.......

So he shoved her back in and locked the door.....

I guess he did not like the look I gave him. But he called for the Ambulance from Charleston.

At 3:30 AM I was ordered to follow the ambulance back to where I started. I did....paid the tolls....got home by 9AM


Do you ever wonder if you get into stupid stuff because you are the only one God can trust to get that crazy blonde (or whatever) home safe, or is it to teach you not to be that fool....trying to skate hone and cheat the toll booth???

Lol this is a true story?

[Tithesmeister]

That’s a good story.

[Wilsonwas]

Originally Posted by 1ofthechosen

Lol this is a true story?

If you can find the statement I had to fill out in the back of a police car at 2something .......you will find it is.
Also, I did not know how 50 or so folk can gather to gawk at someone at 0-dark-30.

[berkeley]

Not sure how she straddled you to reach her stuff.

[Wilsonwas]

Originally Posted by berkeley

Not sure how she straddled you to reach her stuff.

Facing me, one knee on either side - trying to go over my shoulder, quite um. Near....

[Wilsonwas]

But do you think I was sent there, or sent myself there in complete stupidity?
Does God use us to save people, even crazy substance addked ones?

[berkeley]

Originally Posted by Wilsonwas

But do you think I was sent there, or sent myself there in complete stupidity?
Does God use us to save people, even crazy substance addked ones?

Someone else may have raped and murdered her. Assuming she’s still alive, there’s a chance she can be saved.


She could have been hit by a vehicle.

[berkeley]

I’ve had lots of misfortune and made stupid decisions that put me on a place where either I am the man for some purpose in people’s lives, or I connect with someone that has a purpose for my life.

Almost a year before I left CA for Texas the assistant pastor fell to his knees in front of me. He placed his hands over my feet and began to weep soeaking in tongues. No idea if it is connected, but I believe it is... some time before that one of the other ministers prayed with me and said, “The Lord wants you to know that wherever you go He will be directing your path.”

[Wilsonwas]

Originally Posted by berkeley

Someone else may have raped and murdered her. Assuming she’s still alive, there’s a chance she can be saved.


She could have been hit by a vehicle.

This was my thought too.....only several days later because sis. Was - was amused, but kinda mad too....

I am no longer allowed to pick up folk.