For those that might benefit from this post, I found the answer I needed with regards to dealing with legalism and it's painful effects in my life.
I served in a very legalistic church for many years. I left to attend a more "moderate" church, but frankly, it was just as legalistics, just more friendly about it. I served in these churches maybe a total of 22 years.
Now... when I left I found myself adrift on a sea of wondering what I was supposed to do. I began trying to draft new lists of rules that I thought were more biblical. I even experimented with Sabbath keeping in trying to narrow my life down to obeying the Ten Commandments. I became my own legalistic task master.
Then I discovered something... a concept that was beyond my wildest dreams... the notion of being conformed into the image and likeness of Jesus. I was given a book titled Grace Walk by a good friend. While I don't agree with every theological point in the book (very easy reading), I found myself "getting" the concept of Christ being formed in us. I began to realize that the gift of the Holy Ghost was MORE than just goosebumps and spiritual gifts... but an experience that ontologically united my spirit with the Spirit of God. That, through grace, I now experience a "oneness" with the Father that they man Christ Jesus shared. "Realizing" this was difficult at first. But today it's as simple as breathing... I am truly crucified with Christ and yet I live. Not I... BUT CHRIST WHO LIVES WITHIN ME.
Allowing Christ to live His own life out through us (because afterall He's the only one who has ever lived the Christian life with total victory) has become my desire and my spiritual aim. This brings me to a more incarnational Christianity wherein my standard is Jesus. It's not so much what I do... it's who I am in Him.
Do I live by any rules? Yes. I live by two. I believe that both Jesus and Paul emphasized these principles:
-Love God with all your being.
-Love your neighbor as yourself.
Beyond these two rules... just BE Jesus.
I hope this might help someone.