Open Letter-To-Letter Openers

[Jacob's Ladder]

Why must you resemble a knife, oh letter opener? Though your upper body resembles a sharp arrow, yet your edges are dull as butter. Why must you portray yourself as an object that inflicts wounds? Are you not satisfied with opening envelopes? Why must you desire to pierce human flesh? Do you thirst after man’s blood? Does it make you feel superior performing the duties of two objects? Are you and the knife not hypocrites when trying to accomplish each other’s intended purpose? Respond, oh letter opener. Of thee I require an answer!