No Excuse Sunday

[Sam]

From a church bulletin and website advertising next week’s service.
The theme is “No Excuse Sunday.”
This is probably one of those “emergent” groups or maybe a “seeker friendly” church

NO EXCUSE SUNDAY
To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":
--Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
--There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
--Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
--We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
--Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
--Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
-- Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
--We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
--One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
--Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
--The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.
--We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton balls for those who think he's too loud.

Hope to see you there!