I'm leaving my church. Please pray.

[The Lemon]

Saying a prayer for you brother! Your family is you top priority...PERIOD! I understand it takes money and time to reach people, and yes, to have a building to worship in - that said, I have been vocal throughout the years concerning the "business" of church.

More and more I see relationship with Jesus being replaced by religious rituals and tradition and being peddled as "old paths" - it is sad. While we all are responsible in this relationship to Christ, and while there are certain aspects ans actions we must follow - certainly, it can be overstated at times and the list of "to do's" can increasingly get longer and longer until you begin to wonder if you will ever be enough, do enough, pray enough etc. - when this happens - it is religion.

My heart goes out to you because it seems all that you have done has come from a sincere heart, tender toward people and God. The harsh reality is that sometimes we can be programmed and controlled to a point of shedding our individuality and right to make grown -up choices in the best interest of ourselves and families - and believe that doing so is certainly the will of God. While it may be, it may not be as well.

My wife and I have also been in the trial of our lives the last six years. Ours has been mostly a spiritual battle, so at least on some level I can relate. I have no issue with the advice of others to go to the Pastor and properly ask the questions and address the issues - that said, I would be surprised if you get the answers you believe to be correct.

God did not give you the spirit of fear - while I would suggest handling this Biblically and talking with him - understand that in the end, you have to make the choice for you and your family. If you can stay peaceably, then stay, even in spite of differences.

during my struggle, I have missed some services - I have been sat down - I know what it feels like to feel you need to perform for approval and opportunities to share what God has given you. I play music, and am licensed, if I go away with my family for a weekend - you can bet the following Sunday, I am not asked on the platform to play. No words spoken, but a silent rebuke is just as loud as a verbal one, believe me.

I have noticed when I do all that is expected, dress the part, attend, give and all in betweens, I am included - if I hiccup, boom, it changes. It is sad, and speaks nothing of relationship, but screams religion loud and clear.

In spite of what I may disagree with, I believe the message and choose to stay. If he comes to me and becomes unreasonable and chooses to handle things in a demanding and controlling way and takes a hard fast stand - well then I will have to do more seeking and praying for the next decision - until then, I will do what I can to live peaceably in my current situation.

Not sure if this helps at all - but I appreciate your transparency.