Prayer and help for marriage

[Dichotomy Girl]

Originally Posted by ANG

My husband and I recently got married and had a baby who is now a little over a month old. Needless to say it's a toll on our marriage, he hasn't helped me with the baby at all, even when I ask for it and for the most part comes and goes as he pleases, when we fight the suggestion of separation always comes up. We both grew up in the church, although both of us are currently backslid. I've tried everything and I'm tired of fighting every single day. I don't believe in divorce, but these are just small details of what's going on. I've been praying and praying for something to change, but we all know God has his own timing and way of doing things. I love my husband dearly, but with all that's going on, I'm losing hope and faith in our marriage, I feel like I don't know how much longer I can fight for it. Prayer would be greatly appreciated more than you know. As would some advice.

God bless.

Might I add, I generally don't talk about my marital issues, but please understand I'm to my breaking point.

You poor thing! As joyful as having a newborn is, it is also an exhausting, emotional and extremely hormonal time! It is stressful on a marriage relationship, no matter what the circumstances.

When I was pregnant, I read something that really scared me at the time, but ended up helping me immensely during the first year of my daughters life (she's almost 3 now). It basically said that contrary to popular opinions having children makes 80% of marital relationships worse, and that it basically comes down to 4 areas:

#1 is sleep deprivation, it makes people tired and cranky and unhappy, and physically worn down.

#2 is unequal distribution of labor. This is usually the Mom's, you feel like you are doing 90% of the work, and you are only one person and you can't even remember what it's like to have 5 minutes to yourself, and can't he see that you are working yourself to death???

#3 is Feeling Replaced. This is usually mostly the Dad's. He used to be the object of your affection, now most of your time and attention is focused on the little one. He feels left out. He misses the old days.

#4 is sex. (that's always in there). He misses it and wants it, your exhausted and emotionally drained, and it's the last thing on your mind. It affects your intimacy...etc...

And my own #5...you are on an emotional hormonal roller-coaster right now, that he can't really understand. And from my own personal experience I will tell you, that though all your emotions feel very real and strong, you might find in hindsight that they were a bit overblown. (this is normal, and he needs to understand that and give you some slack).

Anyway, knowing that, helped me during what can be a difficult time for all couples.

Keep Praying for your marriage, and maybe prayerfully consider marriage counseling. It might help to have someone lead you in a discussion about expectations in your relationship.

[Pragmatist]

Dichotomy Girl gave great advice.

When I had my first baby it was HARD. Really, really, really hard. I say her first 3 months were the longest 3 months of my life. My DH was not the most helpful either.

Big hugs to you. It will get easier. I wouldn't make any big decisions right now.

Do you have anyone you can trust to give you a break from the baby sometimes?

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Dichotomy Girl

You poor thing! As joyful as having a newborn is, it is also an exhausting, emotional and extremely hormonal time! It is stressful on a marriage relationship, no matter what the circumstances.

When I was pregnant, I read something that really scared me at the time, but ended up helping me immensely during the first year of my daughters life (she's almost 3 now). It basically said that contrary to popular opinions having children makes 80% of marital relationships worse, and that it basically comes down to 4 areas:

#1 is sleep deprivation, it makes people tired and cranky and unhappy, and physically worn down.

#2 is unequal distribution of labor. This is usually the Mom's, you feel like you are doing 90% of the work, and you are only one person and you can't even remember what it's like to have 5 minutes to yourself, and can't he see that you are working yourself to death???

#3 is Feeling Replaced. This is usually mostly the Dad's. He used to be the object of your affection, now most of your time and attention is focused on the little one. He feels left out. He misses the old days.

#4 is sex. (that's always in there). He misses it and wants it, your exhausted and emotionally drained, and it's the last thing on your mind. It affects your intimacy...etc...

And my own #5...you are on an emotional hormonal roller-coaster right now, that he can't really understand. And from my own personal experience I will tell you, that though all your emotions feel very real and strong, you might find in hindsight that they were a bit overblown. (this is normal, and he needs to understand that and give you some slack).

Anyway, knowing that, helped me during what can be a difficult time for all couples.

Keep Praying for your marriage, and maybe prayerfully consider marriage counseling. It might help to have someone lead you in a discussion about expectations in your relationship.

Very good, DG. My kids are grown but I remember it as a very difficult time.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Dichotomy Girl

You poor thing! As joyful as having a newborn is, it is also an exhausting, emotional and extremely hormonal time! It is stressful on a marriage relationship, no matter what the circumstances.

When I was pregnant, I read something that really scared me at the time, but ended up helping me immensely during the first year of my daughters life (she's almost 3 now). It basically said that contrary to popular opinions having children makes 80% of marital relationships worse, and that it basically comes down to 4 areas:

#1 is sleep deprivation, it makes people tired and cranky and unhappy, and physically worn down.

#2 is unequal distribution of labor. This is usually the Mom's, you feel like you are doing 90% of the work, and you are only one person and you can't even remember what it's like to have 5 minutes to yourself, and can't he see that you are working yourself to death???

#3 is Feeling Replaced. This is usually mostly the Dad's. He used to be the object of your affection, now most of your time and attention is focused on the little one. He feels left out. He misses the old days.

#4 is sex. (that's always in there). He misses it and wants it, your exhausted and emotionally drained, and it's the last thing on your mind. It affects your intimacy...etc...

And my own #5...you are on an emotional hormonal roller-coaster right now, that he can't really understand. And from my own personal experience I will tell you, that though all your emotions feel very real and strong, you might find in hindsight that they were a bit overblown. (this is normal, and he needs to understand that and give you some slack).

Anyway, knowing that, helped me during what can be a difficult time for all couples.

Keep Praying for your marriage, and maybe prayerfully consider marriage counseling. It might help to have someone lead you in a discussion about expectations in your relationship.

Very good, DG. My kids are grown but I remember it as a very difficult time.