Can someone please tell me...?!

[Barb]

Originally Posted by pelathais

I haven't heard the "one stepper/three stepper" phrase for years, thanks Sam! You've hit the ball out of the park on this one.

And, for Barb and others: I offer this by way of semi-introduction. I resigned my post and my credentials back in the late '90s but I still have family whose ministries I do not wish to impact at all with my online ravings.

My own father-in-the-gospel was from the PCI and PAW tradition but ardently supported the "three steeper" way. I didn't really realize it until years later, but I think his background may help to explain his behavior and just how hard he was toward people he perceived as being "soft." It's like he was trying to compensate for having been of the PCI way of thinking when everything around him seemed to be changing.

I also knew the men that forced the '92 resolution through. I knew, and still know many of their family members quite well. FWIW.

For years I sat and socialized with the most "conservative" elements of the UPC. These are generally good Christian gentlemen (and ladies) who almost always showed me kindness and support. However, there was one button that you could push and they would rip your head off. It was this whole PCI/PAJC or "1 stepper/3 stepper" issue and especially who was being "soft" or "weak." There was a definite culture of "toughness" there that has gone on to flavor the entire fellowship with what I find to be a bitter taste.

When they did rip my head off, it was in an attempt to "save the ministry" of one of their cohorts. I refused to play along, an innocent man was killed and I left the organization after having tried to force my card into the ear of my presbyter (figuratively speaking, of course).

About the card and the ear, figuratively speaking... the rest was all too real and probably plays a big part in why I must see a cardiologist so often. After all that, I just couldn't see how "God" was playing any active role in what I was doing as a part of the UPC.

I was only small potatoes, but if you ever taught a Home Bible Study with "official" material or sat through a general conference in the 80's and early 90's, you saw me or held my pic in your hands. I was there. I watched. I listened. And I participated with everything that I had to give.

And I watched as good men were destroyed right up until they tried to do me in as well. But how did they fare? The man who replaced me in the local church is reading this post (if he can get it at all) from his jail cell in Texas. The adulterous man went ahead and ran off with his secretary even after he had so much help in covering it up.

I dunno, maybe God really is there? But I have to see a cardiologist for another follow up echo-cardiogram in a couple of weeks. And it turns out one of my fondest friends, still strong in the UPC, has a similar condition.

I don't blame "Bishop X" (or whoever) for what happened. I say WE and US.

We did this. What We are we are because of OUR behavior. I'll go ahead and name a name here - The group of about 100 men came into the auditorium at GC in 1992 and began yelling "Question! Question!" how come the rest of us didn't jump right up and join them?

I believe that was a pivotal moment for the UPC and WE let God down, as well as leaving DR and those men to slowly twist in the wind.

WE were wrong.

Pelathais, your post has caused me to weep once again over this issue. If this thread has caused you any grief, I offer my sincere and heartfelt apologies. My grief over what I didn't know cannot be compared to your personal expereince.

What have we done in the name of being RIGHT...or trying to be right or thinking we are right?!

My heart is heavy tonight, but I asked, didn't I?!

God bless you, sir, and thank you and Sam for opening my eyes re some very important issues. I have not heard events uttered quite this way and it is heart wrenching...

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by Barb

God bless you, sir, and thank you and Sam for opening my eyes re some very important issues. I have not heard events uttered quite this way and it is heart wrenching...

Barb, part of the reason I've been lurking around places like this is because of a need I feel for some sort of "therapy." I'm sorry that what I've said has been upsetting, I think you and I are probably on the same page and share some of the same concerns and hurts.

I personally was about ready to throw away my faith altogether at one point. These issues are very touchy and I know that some of the things that I have to say are very damaging. But the ones who would be most damaged are people that I still love very dearly. In speaking out am I just lashing back at them? Do I want to hurt those who have hurt me? What benefit is there for me in hurting people I love?

Those are the actions not of an infidel, but of a brute. Even most "infidels" and atheistic writers I have read were ladies and gentlemen in their conduct (Ayn Rand, Steven J. Gould, Carl Sagan, etc). So what do I do? I sit and watch as my life goes by and see that after a decade I am justified - but there is no real tangible way that I can say that I have benefited. There's been no restoration or healing.

That guy they hired to replace me after I was excommunicated and banished? You can google him and find the embarassment he brought onto the church. But those close to me just sneer at the mention of his name now, they same way they sneered at me 10 years ago. There is no sense that I have been restored or redeemed. One man accused me of being "backslidden."

He said it from the pulpit in front of my children. So I went to the district board and more or less demanded that they give me my license back. It took two years instead of the one - but I was readmitted, all I had to do was to finish the paperwork: which I couldn't do, not with a clear conscience. So I ended looking like a spaz instead of a sinner.

Where have the young UPC men gone? Right now a bunch of us are popping Coreg to stay alive. Oh, and we're not young anymore. We're wiser now. We've learned from our elders and as one man from the East Coast famously put it: We're waiting for a generation to die off so revival can come.