Since the heart is only known by God, how can we be SURE?

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Rico

Didn't know I am so spiritual, did ya?

I've seen it before.

I've seen my kids struggle with forgiving their dad and I know it's a hindrance to them and sometimes it's so hard to know what to do.

I don't want them to give up on him, but he broke their trust and it will take a lot for him to rebuild that trust with them.

This is where it gets hard because he's not even claiming to live for God now, so the fruit he is bearing is pretty bare. But, does that mean we aren't suppose to forgive this type person too? As a Christian, shouldn't we even though they aren't?

Studying this has just brought more questions in my mind than answers. I really appreciate your post.

[Rico]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I've seen it before.

I've seen my kids struggle with forgiving their dad and I know it's a hindrance to them and sometimes it's so hard to know what to do.

I don't want them to give up on him, but he broke their trust and it will take a lot for him to rebuild that trust with them.

This is where it gets hard because he's not even claiming to live for God now, so the fruit he is bearing is pretty bare. But, does that mean we aren't suppose to forgive this type person too? As a Christian, shouldn't we even though they aren't?

Studying this has just brought more questions in my mind than answers. I really appreciate your post.

Sister, I know in my own life it took a move of God for me to forgive my dad. My parents divorced when I was only 8, and Dad was a very absent father. He never called, broke promises he would make to me about picking me up, and generally contributed nothing to my upbringing, other than pay child support, from the time I was 8 until I turned 13. I ended up guilting him into letting me move in with him, at that age, and it was a disaster. I carried so much resentment towards him that it was the very core of why I became such an angry person.

After I became apostolic, I had no choice but to turn to God for answers. I prayed and prayed, wanting to know what had happened and why my parents divorced. One day the Lord told me. They divorced because my Dad backslid. Eventually he got far enough away from Him that God could no longer provide that protection He gives to a praying comitted family that has a father leading the way. Once that protection was gone other forces took over and all that was left of the marriage was me, my sister, and a lot of hurt feelings.

Once I understood this my prayers changed from wanting to know why to praying for my Dad. I still have the image in my mind God placed there when I asked God what His will was for my Dad. It was so beautiful. I saw my Dad as an old man, at least in his 80s, standing in front of his garage. His hair was white and he had this smile on his face. He was so at peace. I could see the glory of God shining through him. He looked so holy. Even now, as I am typing these words, it brings tears to my eyes. How could I stay angry with my Dad after God showed me something like that?

If your children are living for God my suggestion would be for them to pray their way through their feelings. God knows the answers to the questions they have; questions they may not even know how to phrase. God can help them to forgive him. When it is all said and done it may be in God's plan to use their father's love for them as the means by which He leads him back home (referring to the Kingdom, not necessarily back to you personally).

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Rico

They divorced because my Dad backslid.

Rico, this hit a spot and that is one thing they have struggled with the most - his inconsistencies. He was strict with them. When they were younger, one example is he told them anyone that cussed did so because they weren't smart enough to use the correct words they needed. He now cusses like a sailor in front of them.

His morals have gone down the tubes - he's even said the 10 Commandments are just guidelines.

I don't fear them becoming like him because in reality it has sickened them to see this about face change in him, however, it's so hard for them to forgive.

Thanks for your posts here - - I believe they are going to be fine, just one area in their lives I pray for complete healing for them.

[ForeverBlessed]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

I've seen it before.

I've seen my kids struggle with forgiving their dad and I know it's a hindrance to them and sometimes it's so hard to know what to do.

I don't want them to give up on him, but he broke their trust and it will take a lot for him to rebuild that trust with them.

This is where it gets hard because he's not even claiming to live for God now, so the fruit he is bearing is pretty bare. But, does that mean we aren't suppose to forgive this type person too? As a Christian, shouldn't we even though they aren't?

Studying this has just brought more questions in my mind than answers. I really appreciate your post.

Renda,

Forgiveness can be difficult for anyone especially children in divorces… regardless of age.

I always stressed with my girls that they were responsible for the 4th commandment (Honour your mother and your father) as a Christian… and it doesn’t matter whether their father was doing as he should or not or if he was a Christian…they should always respect his position as their father. Has it been difficult at times? … absolutely.

Someone else’s behavior or lack of commitment doesn’t excuse us as Christians from doing what we know is right. My mom used to quote this scripture to me… and funny thing is.. I quote this to mine.

Deuteronomy 5:16 Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
In dealing with issues of forgiveness in my life… I have found that you cannot pray for someone and carry any feelings of unforgiveness against them. It is always a signal to me that I need to pray when I am hanging on to feelings… whether it is anger, spite and vindictiveness… praying always puts the right perspective on things… puts love where there was other feelings not like Christ.

Trust I think is one of the bigger issues that we have to deal with as humans when someone has done wrong. It is one thing to forgive… but another to trust. I don’t think we're able to forget as Christ... so unable to trust completely in anyone after they have been guilty of something that has hurt us deeply. Trust is built in time when the person that inflicted the hurt makes restoration by actions that begin to cover the wrong that they did. We have to trust God to lead that person to a place of restoration.

We may not ever be able to trust man… but always trust God who will protect his children for obeying his Word… which commands us to forgive.