Pastors, how do you handle it when...

[Old Paths]

I have witnessed the pastor, family members and the police intervene only to watch the wife go right back into the same situation.

Why?

I have no idea.

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by Old Paths

I have witnessed the pastor, family members and the police intervene only to watch the wife go right back into the same situation.

Why?

I have no idea.

Love is blind... and dumb sometimes...

Originally Posted by Old Paths

I have witnessed the pastor, family members and the police intervene only to watch the wife go right back into the same situation.

Why?

I have no idea.

I do. There are a myriad of reason a wife/spouse would reenter or stay in an abusive enviornment. Some of the following reasons may or may not be applicable due to the age of the abused and how long they have been in this situation.

The first trick of an abuser is to isolate his spouse from any outside influence, thus removing any threat of intervention.

If the wife was raised in an abusive enviornment and witnessed this behavior during her developmental years from her parents, she would consider this love/hate relationship to be normal and would continue in it until it became ingrained in her personality and would continue to embrace it. Any intervention would be perceived by her as an intrusion into her lifestyle and would be threatened by it. Thus defending the abuser.

If the wife was not raised in an abusive/dysfunctional enviornment, she would be more prone to seek help, albeit there may be children involved/finances, etc. and she would make sacrifices for her children based upon her perception of her own self-worth and whether or not the risk of leaving the abuser is justified in her own mind depending on the varied degrees of abuse and how much the home can withstand.

Many times a spouse becomes an "enabler" by working against the situation and her behavior precipitates more abuse. I would recommend for any spouse to seek professional counseling from a well trained caring christian counselor.

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by crazyhomie

I do. There are a myriad of reason a wife/spouse would reenter or stay in an abusive enviornment. Some of the following reasons may or may not be applicable due to the age of the abused and how long they have been in this situation.

The first trick of an abuser is to isolate his spouse from any outside influence, thus removing any threat of intervention.

If the wife was raised in an abusive enviornment and witnessed this behavior during her developmental years from her parents, she would consider this love/hate relationship to be normal and would continue in it until it became ingrained in her personality and would continue to embrace it. Any intervention would be perceived by her as an intrusion into her lifestyle and would be threatened by it. Thus defending the abuser.

If the wife was not raised in an abusive/dysfunctional enviornment, she would be more prone to seek help, albeit there may be children involved/finances, etc. and she would make sacrifices for her children based upon her perception of her own self-worth and whether or not the risk of leaving the abuser is justified in her own mind depending on the varied degrees of abuse and how much the home can withstand.

Many times a spouse becomes an "enabler" by working against the situation and her behavior precipitates more abuse. I would recommend for any spouse to seek professional counseling from a well trained caring christian counselor.

A learned Behavior is often impossible to break... unless the Holy Ghost is allowed to release them from it..

I too am a Big proponent of Professional Counseling...

Originally Posted by revrandy

A learned Behavior is often impossible to break... unless the Holy Ghost is allowed to release them from it..

I too am a Big proponent of Professional Counseling...

Randy: The only way behavioral patterns are broken is through complete and total surrender. There isn't any else that works. Even with "speaking in tongues" and shouting, all that does is excite the spirit and create more abuse when the couple gets home.

As we surrender our lives to the Lord, He and He alone can change us. An unsurrendered soul will remain abusive.

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by crazyhomie

Randy: The only way behavioral patterns are broken is through complete and total surrender. There isn't any else that works. Even with "speaking in tongues" and shouting, all that does is excite the spirit and create more abuse when the couple gets home.

As we surrender our lives to the Lord, He and He alone can change us. An unsurrendered soul will remain abusive.

Amen...

[mizpeh]

Originally Posted by revrandy

A learned Behavior is often impossible to break... unless the Holy Ghost is allowed to release them from it..

I too am a Big proponent of Professional Counseling...

What about repentance? Doesn't anyone get convicted anymore over neglect and laziness?

[revrandy]

Originally Posted by mizpeh

What about repentance? Doesn't anyone get convicted anymore over neglect and laziness?

I haven't heard any one preach laziness is a sin lately...have you?

I'm not saying it's not.. but we don't major on the minors at times and then they grow into majors...

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by revrandy

I haven't heard any one preach laziness is a sin lately...have you?

I'm not saying it's not.. but we don't major on the minors at times and then they grow into majors...

I certainly think that when men aren't motivated to support their families and/or they are willing to lay around the house while their wives do all the providing...that it has become a MAJOR!!!!

I do agree that there are also lazy wives. One of my friends shared a little "conviction" with me awhile back...something about...she always makes sure the house is perfect when they have company, and she heard this little nagging voice that told her that she should treat her husband and children just as well as she treats company! I agree. Stay at home mothers and wives should see to their responsibilities just as earnestly as they expect their husbands to provide for them.

And...with that said...I have work to do. Carry on!

[Theresa]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I certainly think that when men aren't motivated to support their families and/or they are willing to lay around the house while their wives do all the providing...that it has become a MAJOR!!!!

I do agree that there are also lazy wives. One of my friends shared a little "conviction" with me awhile back...something about...she always makes sure the house is perfect when they have company, and she heard this little nagging voice that told her that she should treat her husband and children just as well as she treats company! I agree. Stay at home mothers and wives should see to their responsibilities just as earnestly as they expect their husbands to provide for them.

And...with that said...I have work to do. Carry on!

explain to me how a woman who works full time to provide for this family is supposed to pick up after them when they are physically capable of picking up after themselves? Where does it say the WOMAN is the maid, cook and chief bottle washer.

Nothing will make me madder, faster than for me to be ON MY WAY HOME from work and I get a call wanting to know what is for dinner and what "plans" do we have for the evening..and I get home and the house is a wreck and there are at least 3 able bodied MALES who could have: 1. put on a load of clothes, 2. taken out the trash 3. cleaned up after themselves in the kitchen 4. picked up any 1 of their 1000s of shoes that are blocking the door 5. cleaned their rooms 6. mowed the grass 7. picked up the junk around the yard...the list is endless...

but they all are just sitting there waiting for ME to feed them


where in the bible does it say that it is MY problem???