Originally Posted by meBNme
I do know what you mean, I have been there to.
I prayed and prayed for the desire to come back, I started to desperatly seek God over it, I talked with my pastor about it, and eventually I so wanted the desire, that I was willing to do whatever it took to get it.
I had felt that God wasn't hearing, or answering my prayers for a restoration of my desire and drive to live for God. Little did I know, he was answering my prayers, just not like I thought he would.
I didn't realize that although my desire to live for him, and do the things of God had not seemed to increase, my hunger for that desire had been growing!
I was desperatly seeking the desire, and the whole time God was fueling my desire... for the desire to live for him.
I didn't like the altar either, I just knew if I went up there half the church would swarm me. I'd have to go through the motions again.
But eventually, my desperation for God to renew my desire overwhelmed me, and it was no longer about the church, or the people in it, or wht they think. It was all about Me and God, and I HAD TO get something from him, something that would change me, stir me up, rock my world.
Iwent to that alter, pouring out my soul, giving everything to God, desperatly asking him to change me, CHANGE ME!!! And I went back to the altar a second time, a third, and the next thing I knew, I was going to the altar more often that I didn't.
Then it dawned on me, I had my fire back! I had my zeal back! I really wanted to give it all to God, to live for him, to be his, to get involved.
But something was deeper, I realized that what I had before I had gone away, was much shallower and nieve that what I had now.
I was now more determined to Live right, and now I knew why. My faith is deeper now than it ever was, my thankfullness, and determination was deeper and much more solid.
And you know what else I realized?
That altar? The one I dreaded, and felt like every eye was on me, and people would think "ohh he's a sinner, he must have done something wrong, he must have issues?
Well, now I was a regular at that altar, and I realized people didn't think those things at all. The altar was now a welcome place, a place of refuge, a place of energy, power, and strength. I realized that people weren't seeing me as a sinner with issues, but just a brother that hungers for God, and wants to be right in the middle of where God is moving.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO BACK to where I was before I backslid!
Its so much deeper here now!
So really, plant your feet, stand in the face of everything that wars against you, and FIGHT for your desire, your hunger, your very soul.
And then rejoice when you find your joy has returned with it!
Everything that tells you you can't, or its to hard, or you will never make it, or others might, but not you, They are all lies directly from hell. They are simply trying to convince you that you can't, because they know that if you could just realize, and determine yourself, you will!
I come against those lies in the name of Jesus, they are false, there is no truth in them.
In Jesus name, be encouraged!
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My soul followeth hard after thee....Love one another with a pure heart fervently. 
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